


Looking Out, Can't You See Forever?

by Ohcaptainswanmycaptainswan



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Slow Burn, There will also be, and yaz pining like a fucking idiot, because in this house, but still, dark! thirteen, giving yall ample warning, i think everything i write that isnt a one shot is a slow burn so thats not new, its gonna be slooooooooooow, like cuddles, like..... really slow slow burn, there will also be really cute and stupid stuff, to offset the hurt, we give thirteen the character development she deserves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-11-23 07:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 57,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18149039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohcaptainswanmycaptainswan/pseuds/Ohcaptainswanmycaptainswan
Summary: She hadn’t wanted to complicate things. Running around in the TARDIS with the Doctor, seeing all those incredible sights… it made Yaz so happy. She would give up police work, Earth, everything, in an instant, if it only meant she could spend the rest of her life travelling with her best friend around the universe. And Yaz didn’t want anything to ever change that. But lately, everytime she looked at the Doctor, Yaz felt her heart skip a beat. If she was being honest, though, Yaz had started falling for the Doctor the moment the Doctor had burst into her life. As maddening as she was, the Doctor simply pulled Yaz in. And Yaz was helpless to resist. How could she? The Doctor was the most amazing person she’d ever met.It also didn’t help that the Doctor looked absolutely stunning, standing in that beam of light.post resolution, the doctor takes her friends to a new planet to explore. but when something strange starts to happen, and the doctor can't resist investigating, yaz finds herself facing dangers she never expected. not the least of which comes from within her own heartfic title from this is it, by scotty mccreery





	1. The sun shines when you smile

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys im baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack, with a really long fic in store for yall. told yall something big was coming, i just had to flesh it out more. and at this point, ive fleshed out about 75%, so i feel confident in starting to post. this will probably be somewhere around 20 chapters in total and 40-50k words, which is quite honestly, the longest thing ive ever even attempted to write, let alone publish.  
> um, im going to warn you right now, the first couple of chapters might be a bit slow, because what ive done is essentially write an entire dr who episode. and ive got to set it up. so please just bear with me for a bit, things will really pick up soon and the action will be bang bang bang non stop. which is gonna be fun.
> 
> ALSO you guys no longer have to sit through my unbeta'd shit BECAUSE i found myself a beta, so shout out to the fucking FANTASTIC fromflametofire who gives such amazing feedback and i love dearly (if yall want to know how she got the job, she literally wrote me amazing comments and followed me on tumblr. moral of the story being, if you wanted advanced access to my fics, its really fucking easy, just follow her lead)
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title, the sun shines when you smile from my side of the fence, by dan and shay.  
> and without further ado..... enjoy :)

The Doctor opened the TARDIS doors with a creak and stuck her head out.

 

“Hah! I got it right! Probably, at least.”

 

Opening the doors fully, she marched out.

 

“You sure about it this time, Doc?” asked Graham, hovering in the doorway. “Only, last time you said that, we got chased by those fish archers.”

 

“Not to mention those killer turtles,” added Ryan.

 

“Oi, I apologized for that, no need to go on about it,” said the Doctor. “You lot won’t let me live down anything, will you?”

 

“Someone’s got to keep you humble,” Graham said.

 

“And you do a marvelous job of it.” The Doctor tapped her foot. “Now, are you lot coming? Or should I just go by myself?”

 

Ryan grinned, pushing Graham aside to join the Doctor.

 

“I’m right behind you, Doctor.” He turned on the spot, gazing up at the brilliant blue sky. “Where are we?”

 

The Doctor licked her finger and held it up. “Fifty fourth century. Human colony in the Medusa Cascade. Treon, by the looks of the local flora.”

 

Graham straightened his shirt pointedly before joining the other two. “It looks like a jungle, here.”

 

“It is!” said the Doctor brightly. “Full of wonders and sights unseen.”

 

“Doc, you should have said something earlier,” complained Graham. “I’m allergic to pollen, this place is going to be a nightmare for me.”

 

“Stop complaining, you’ll be fine,” the Doctor told him. “Life is full of surprises, you’ll never know when it throws a Slitheen your way, that’s what I always say.”

 

“You’ve literally never said that before.”

 

“Picky, picky.” The Doctor glanced back into the TARDIS. “You coming, Yaz?”

 

Yaz hesitated, picking at the hem of her shirt. Taking a deep breath, she smiled.

 

“Always.”

 

“Brilliant!” The Doctor grinned, pointing them at a small path. “Should lead to civilization. Totes gonna happen.” She pulled a face. “Nope, never saying that again. Instant regret. Come on, team. Gang. Fam? Oh, whatever.”

 

She bounded off into the thick trees, the tails of her coat flapping against Ryan’s legs as he hurried behind her. Graham sneezed as he and Yaz followed suit.

 

“So, what’s there to do here, Doc?” Graham called.

 

“Oh, loads,” said the Doctor as she picked her way over roots. “Market places, trading posts, history in the making…. Humans have been expanding over the universe for the past thirty centuries, finding new planets, terraforming them, and settling them. If I’m right, and I usually am -”

 

“That would be a first,” mumbled Graham. Yaz choked down a laugh.

 

“- we should have landed right when this planet has finished terraforming and colonies have started popping up,” continued the Doctor, appearing not to hear Graham’s comment. “Don’t worry, this planet was uninhabited, so no locals were harmed in the making of this place.” The Doctor paused, letting Ryan pass her so she could talk to Graham a little more easily. “I love visiting new colonies. For worse or for better, however they turn out, however they affect the course of history, these places are full of new ideas, new dreams, new cultures. And you humans, always so interested in exploring and pushing the boundaries. It’s fascinating! Did I ever tell you lot about that one time when I went to Salem in the early 1600s and-”

 

“OW.”

 

A clang sounded as Ryan collided with seemingly thin air. He cursed, holding a hand to his nose.

 

“Ryan, what happened?” asked Yaz, pushing his hand away from his face to examine him for possible injuries.

 

“Dunno,” he said, warily looking around. “The air felt _hard_ , all of a sudden.”

 

At Ryan’s shout, the Doctor had pulled out her sonic and was waving it around, a frown on her face as she listened to the strange whirring it produced.

 

“There’s a forcefield up,” she said, glancing at the display. “That’s odd.”

 

“Well, your nose isn’t broken, so there’s that,” said Yaz, wringing a chuckle out of Ryan. “Pinch it hard, it’ll stop bleeding soon.”

 

“Why’s it odd to have a forcefield up, Doc?” Graham sniffed.

 

“Because you don’t just put up a forcefield for the fun of it,” said the Doctor, frowning harder. “It takes a lot of energy to power one. And what would they be keeping out? This place is uninhabited.”

 

All four of them glanced uneasily at the spot where the forcefield was.

 

“We should probably just leave it alone,” said the Doctor. “Go back to the TARDIS, find somewhere else to go.”

 

Yaz nodded. “But you want to go check it out.”

 

The Doctor searched the air in front of her, looking for something. Then, she threw a smile at her, causing Yaz’s heart to skip a beat.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. You know me so well, Yaz, take a gold star.”

 

Yaz pushed down an absurd amount of pride at the comment, taking extra care with her returning smile so as to not grin too widely like a maniac.

 

“That’s not fair, Yaz didn’t contribute anything to get a gold star,” grumbled Ryan. Yaz stuck her tongue out at him. “And besides, you’re forgetting that there’s a forcefield in the way of us checking this out. How are we going to get through it? I’m not walking into it again.”

 

“There should be a way,” said the Doctor absentmindedly, scanning the area again with her sonic. “It’s so large, I should be able to open up a small tear in the field. Enough for us to quickly get in before it closes back up. But I’ve just got to figure this thing out…”

 

She continued scanning, muttering to herself. Graham sneezed again, wiping his nose.

 

“You know, Doc, we could always just come back another time…”

 

“We’re here now, though. If you don’t do something now, you’ll never do it until you’ve accidently crash landed your space ship into an alien model of the Titanic and almost destroyed Buckingham Palace, that’s what I always say.”

 

“Again, you’ve never said that before.”

 

“Maybe not to you lot, I haven’t,” said the Doctor. “Or maybe not in this body. But I could have sworn I told Amy that once or twice.”

 

“Who’s Amy?” asked Ryan.

 

The Doctor didn’t seem to hear him, concentrating on her sonic. The humming hit a high note, and the forcefield suddenly sent out a shower of sparks with an electric flare. Yaz quickly shielded her face from the bright light.

 

“This thing is stubborn,” complained the Doctor. “I can’t get through it.”

 

“See? The universe is sending us a sign,” said Graham. “Back to the TARDIS, then, come on.”

 

“I thought we were past the point of you just wanting to leave any time we found an alien, Grandad,” said Ryan.

 

“Yeah, well, what can I say? Running into that Dalek three weeks ago gave me a new perspective on running into situations blind.”

 

Yaz shivered in the bright, warm sunlight. The Dalek’s mechanic voice echoed through her mind, sending fingers of fear crawling through her skin. She’d been waking up every night, drenched in sweat, ever since New Years in Sheffield. While she never really remembered her dreams, Yaz did remember seeing flashes of those lasers, that trail of slime in the sewers. That look of pure, unadulterated terror on the Doctor’s face. Nothing else they had seen, not even Tzim-Shaw and that psychic planet, had come close to facing that Dalek.

 

“Go back to the TARDIS, then, Graham,” said the Doctor. “It’s safe there. We’ll get you when we’re done here.”

 

Graham squared his shoulders. “I’m not leaving you lot. Not if behind this thing there’s danger that you’re looking for.”

 

He sneezed again, spoiling the effect of his words slightly.

 

The Doctor nodded approvingly. “There’s the Graham we know and love. Now, back to this forcefield…”

 

“Couldn’t you just reverse the polarity of the charge or something?” suggested Yaz. “Force apart the field with the opposite charges?”

 

The Doctor dropped the sonic to her side, a bright smile on her face as she turned to Yaz. Yaz swallowed, the Doctor’s smile taking up her entire vision field.

 

“Yasmin Khan, you absolutely stunning human being,” said the Doctor. “Our minds must be on the same wavelength, you are full of good ideas today. Take three gold stars. And no complaining, Ryan, she earned them.”

 

Ryan held up his hands in mock surrender, wiping the last remains of his blood on his pants. “Fine. She earned it.”

 

As the Doctor fiddled with the sonic settings, Yaz snuck a look at her. The sunlight filtered through the Doctor’s hair, making it shine more golden than blond, casting the strands in an almost ethereal light. Yaz wiped her sweaty palms discreetly on her pants, trying to force down her heart rate.

 

She hadn’t wanted to complicate things. Running around in the TARDIS with the Doctor, seeing all those incredible sights… it made Yaz so happy. She would give up police work, Earth, everything, in an instant, if it only meant she could spend the rest of her life travelling with her best friend around the universe. And Yaz didn’t want anything to ever change that. But lately, everytime she looked at the Doctor, Yaz felt her heart skip a beat. If she was being honest, though, Yaz had started falling for the Doctor the moment the Doctor had burst into her life. As maddening as she was, the Doctor simply pulled Yaz in. And Yaz was helpless to resist. How could she? The Doctor was the most amazing person she’d ever met.

 

It also didn’t help that the Doctor looked absolutely stunning, standing in that beam of light.

 

“Got it!” shouted the Doctor. The forcefield split in two, a line of blue electricity cracking the air into a doorway. “Quick, it won’t last long.”

 

Ryan darted through the rift, followed closely by Graham and Yaz. As the humming from the field got louder, the Doctor ducked through, the edges of the forefield closing an inch behind her coat tails.

 

“Right!” said the Doctor, clapping her hands together once. “That was fun. Shall we go find someone to ask questions about this forcefield?”

 

Graham shrugged. “Suppose we should.”

  
  
  
  
  


“Welcome to a human colony, gang,” said the Doctor. She threw her arms wide in invitation. “Treon. First discovered in 2347, it used to be a wasteland. Kind of like Mars. Then your lot came in and terraformed it, and three thousand years later, here we are. The first colony. In about another three hundred years, this place will be the center of a thriving community of all different species and races, focused on science, art, culture. Known all over the galaxy. But that’s later. They’re just getting to their feet now.”

 

Yaz gazed around in awe. “This is getting to their feet?”

 

All around them, people bustled about. It reminded Yaz of a bazaar in a movie. That is, if the bazaars in movies had plants supporting and entwined with the infrastructure, futuristic technology for sale, strange fruits and vegetables lining the booths, and people of every size, color, and age. Yaz stared as one woman with a cybernetic arm painted in bold blues and silvers walked past them. Feeling the gaze, the woman lifted an eyebrow at her as she moved towards a stall selling some sort of computer chips. Yaz blushed and dropped her eyes to the pavement.

 

“Yeah, well. Suppose it’s all perspective, isn’t it?” the Doctor said, stuffing her hands in her pockets.

 

“Hey, Doctor, what’s this?” asked Ryan. He bent over a stall displaying some sort of pie and took a sniff. “It smells really good.”

 

“I wouldn’t eat that if I were you, Ryan,” said the Doctor as she joined him.

 

“Why not?”

 

The Doctor lifted an eyebrow. “Because that’s a vigor pie. Good for stiffening things up, if you catch my drift.”

 

Ryan jumped away from the table. “Right. Thanks.”

 

“Always happy to help.”

 

Graham took the Doctor by the elbow. “Doc, don’t you think we should be asking about that forcefield? The sooner we figure that out, the sooner we can get out of here and on to something better. Like a beach. Or the Golden Age of England. I’ve always wanted to meet Shakespeare.”

 

“Nah, he’s a bit full of himself. You should have seen the way he spoke to Martha. Have you ever seen _Something Rotten_? It nails him pretty well. Stole half of his lines from me, anyway, the thief.” The Doctor shrugged. “Although, I suppose I did give him permission to use them, so that’s alright. If you want to meet a playwright, I’ll take you to meet Lin Manuel Miranda sometime. I introduced him to Eliza and Alexander Hamilton, he owes me a favor. And yes, you’re right. We should be talking to someone about - oooh, data chips!”

 

She ran over to the stall the woman with a cybernetic arm had been at. Shaking his head, Graham shadowed her.

 

“What’s a data chip, Doctor?” asked Yaz.

 

“It’s exactly what it sounds like, Yaz. Stores a whole bunch of data.” The Doctor riffled through the small pieces of metal. “Books are never fully replaced. But data chips certainly have their uses.” She looked at Yaz, a small smile on her face. “Imagine it, Yaz. It’s like the Internet, but of all the books written about a certain topic over the last couple thousand years and none of the trolls or false information. All you have to do is look. It’s brilliant.”

 

Yaz smiled back at her, the Doctor’s enthusiasm infectious. Reaching out, Yaz picked up a data chip from the basket the Doctor was sifting through. Her fingers brushed the back of the Doctor’s hand for an instant and Yaz quickly snatched them away, opting to ignore the sudden spark of heat in her hand in favor of examining the small data chip.

 

“So, what’s this data chip on? And how does it work?”

 

The Doctor glanced at the chip. “Look, on the side. It says it’s on different species in the known universe. You just need a reader to plug it into. There’s one on the TARDIS, I can show you later. I’d get you a reader of your own, but unfortunately, data chips like these and their readers are kind of rare. A lot got destroyed because of a data purge in the fifty second century. I’ve never seen so many of them in one place.”

 

“Why were they destroyed?”

 

The Doctor shrugged. “Why is any information destroyed? To keep people quiet, to keep people uninformed, to keep people oppressed.” Disgust crept into her voice. “Every war, every dictator… anyone who wants to conquer, and the first thing they always do is destroy information. Which is smart, if you think about it. After all, books really are the best weapons you can have.”

 

“They certainly are. Which is why you should buy that.”

 

Yaz jumped at the voice. The man minding the stall had joined them, scenting a sale, wearing a predatory smile.

 

“Your girlfriend’s right, young lady. These data chips are extremely valuable and one of a kind, full of information for anything you could ever need. You won’t find them anywhere else, and certainly not at my low prices. At only five thousand credits a piece, that’s a thoughtful, romantic gift.”

 

“ _Five thousand credits_?” said the Doctor. “That’s outrageous. That’s robbery!”

 

“And she’s not… we’re not… she’s not my girlfriend,” mumbled Yaz, her cheeks on fire.

 

The stall keeper raised his hands. “That’s business, madam. But if you’re not interested…”

 

The Doctor wrinkled her nose. “Oh. Yup. It’s still weird, being called madam.”

 

“Actually, we are interested in information,” said Graham, sniffling a little. “Mainly about that forcefield around the city.”

 

“Smooth,” Ryan whispered. Graham shot him a look and made a shushing gesture as the stall keeper looked at them quizzically.

 

“What about that forcefield? How can you not know about it?”

 

“Oh, we’ve been … travelling,” said Yaz.

 

“Yeah, bit out of the loop, we are,” added Ryan.

 

“But that doesn’t make -”

 

Graham sneezed.

 

The marketplace froze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked that :) oooooh the suspense
> 
> i think that ill be posting chapters once every three days, just to give myself time to finish off the fic and juggle school and everything else. so thats also why i waited so long to start publishing (i started writing this fic in early february), so yall dont have too long of a wait if life just gets in the way, which it always does. so be on the lookout for another chapter really soon.
> 
> also, if youve gotten down this far, please leave a comment or kudos, they legit brighten my day and help to guide me in how i write fics for yall. seriously its a good circle: i write something, you tell me you like it, i write more. its a win win.
> 
> or come follow me on tumblr to yell: valarmorghulis-butnottoday, id love to hear from yall. ok, see you soon, bye!


	2. Your heart an innocent warrior, there’s a task for you, my dearest one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from innocent warrior, from moana
> 
> ya know, when i was writing this thing and searching for chapter titles, i came to the unfortunate realization that my current music taste consists mainly of country and musical songs. i dont know how this happened. im so sorry.
> 
> aaaaaaanyways.... enjoy :)

“What’s happening?” demanded the Doctor.

 

The stall keeper shook his head, backing away. “You need to leave. Get away. _Now_.”

 

“But-”

 

“ _No_. Stay away.” The stall keeper roughly grabbed the basket of data chips off the table, out of the Doctor’s grasp, frantically shooing them away. As he did so, the stall began to close automatically into a small box. A circle had opened around them as shoppers darted out of their vicinity. Horrified faces stared at them.

 

“Hey, don’t you want -” began Yaz.

 

“No, no, I don’t want anything from you. Go!”

 

“Oi! Mate! That’s bad business practice, driving away your customers,” shouted the Doctor at the stall keeper’s back. He didn’t seem to hear her, too intent on putting as much distance between them as he could.

 

Graham wiped his nose. “Doc, what’s going on?”

 

“If I knew that, Graham, I wouldn’t be so confused right now,” said the Doctor. She ran her hand through her hair and took a step towards the other shoppers. “Sorry, we’ve been travelling, bit out of touch with the news, don’t know what’s going on. Can any of you tell us…”

 

She trailed off as the shoppers mirrored her movements, as if physically repelled backwards by her step. Yaz touched her arm.

 

“Doctor, look over there. Who are they?”

 

Two men dressed in white armor pushed their way through the crowd, which parted at their approach. With their faces covered by a helmet that reflected the sunlight, they looked like shiny, white beetles. A rod two and a half feet long hung down from each of their belts. The Doctor’s face paled at the sight.

 

“Trouble. Run!”

 

She grabbed Yaz’s hand and started towing her through the crowd, Ryan and Graham a step behind. Yaz’s arm felt like it was about to be yanked out of its socket as the Doctor flew down the street, the crowd dodging out of their way. Behind them, the men clanked down the street after them. An absurd memory of watching Stormtroopers clank down a street in a _Star Wars_ movie flashed through Yaz’s mind and she pushed down the urge to laugh.

 

“Doctor!” shouted Ryan. “Who are they? What the bloody hell is happening?”

 

“Run now, talk later, Ryan!”

 

Another pair of men in white armor stepped out into their path. The Doctor skidded to a halt.

 

“This way!”

 

She made to dart down an alley, but pulled up short as yet another pair of men blocked the entrance. They started flanking them, moving closer as the two original men caught up with them, trapping them in a circle of white armor.

 

“You lot, stay behind me,” the Doctor hissed at them. She pulled out her sonic threateningly, pushing Yaz behind herself as she did so. Ryan and Graham pressed into Yaz, Ryan panting into Yaz’s ear as he clutched her shoulder, trying to steady himself after the frantic bolt. The Doctor’s grip tightened on Yaz’s hand as she drew herself up to her full height, staring down the strange men. “Oi! Not another step closer. I’m warning you, you do _not_ want to mess with me. Ever heard of the Battle of Demons Run? Yeah, that was me.”

 

They paused. One of them with two black bars on his arm cocked his head. Another wrapped a hand around the white rod on his belt, fondling it a bit, but not pulling it out. The Doctor smiled slightly at their hesitation. Then, one with three black bars gestured at them. The Doctor’s smile slid off her face as the others snapped out of their reverie.

 

“Don’t think that worked, Doc,” whispered Graham.

 

“Thanks for that, Graham, hadn’t noticed,” she shot back. “Right! You give me no choice, I’ll have to - hey! What do you think you’re doing?”

 

Graham’s eyes widened as two grabbed his arms roughly. “Doc!”

 

“Let him go,” shouted Ryan, leaping forward to tug at the men’s hands fruitlessly. One batted him away like he would a gnat buzzing around his head. As the Doctor and Yaz rushed to help, the other four stepped in front of them, pushing them back.

 

“Get off of us,” the Doctor snapped, pushing back against the arms. Even with their faces covered, the figures gave off an aura of surprise as she began to make progress against their efforts to restrain her. Just as the Doctor was about to break free, the one with two black bars unsheathed his white rod. Too quickly for any counter measures, he slammed it into the Doctor’s stomach. She dropped with a gasp, curling inwards over herself.

 

“Graham!” Yaz called desperately, straining against the white arms. Graham shot one final, pale, terrified look at them over the men’s shoulders as they bundled him into the back of a van. The Doctor shouted wordlessly, gaping at them as they closed the doors in Graham’s face and jumped in the side. The van peeled away.

 

“Stop!” The Doctor lurched to her feet and started running after it, but the van left her coughing in its dust trail, staring horrified as it shrank into the distance.

 

Ryan grabbed her arm. “We’re going to get him back, right? Doctor, please say you’ll get him back.”

 

The Doctor didn’t answer. Her chest heaved as she panted, running one hand shakily through her hair and gingerly wrapping the other around her stomach. Slowly, around them, people began to creep out of the woodwork, cautiously filling the street again. When she realized that the Doctor wasn’t going to say anything, Yaz spun to face the people lining the road.

 

“Please, can anyone tell us what’s going on?” Yaz begged. The passersby avoided her eyes as she searched their faces. “Who were those men? Where did they take our friend?”

 

“You lot are really daft, aren’t you?” said a voice from behind them.

 

Ryan and Yaz spun. The woman with the blue and silver cybernetic arm stood there, with a raised eyebrow and a shopping bag clutched in one hand.

 

“How do you not know what’s going on?” she continued. “And for that matter, how did you bypass the forcefield? No one gets in or out without the captain’s approval until this outbreak is contained, you must have at least spoken to him to get in here. Who are you?”

 

“Wait a second,” said Yaz. “Outbreak? Outbreak of what?”

 

“Who are we?” asked the Doctor, still slightly distracted. Then, something must have clicked in her brain because she jumped, turning to face the woman. “Right! Who are we. I’ll tell you who we are… if…” She started patting down her pockets quickly, going through her pants and coat before pulling the psychic paper out of an inside pocket. “There! That should tell you who we are.”

 

The woman read the psychic paper skeptically. “Special Time Agency forces?”

 

“Yes! Special forces with the Time Agency,” said the Doctor, glancing quickly at the psychic paper before putting it away again. “We have our ways of getting in and out of places. But that’s not really important. What is important is that we got weird reports of something happening here, and were sent to check it out. I’m the Doctor, and these are my friends, Yaz and Ryan. Who are you?”

 

“My name’s Kara. Did you say you were a doctor? What type of doctor?”

 

“Oh, all sorts,” the Doctor said airily. “Scientific, love, war, candy floss and biscuits, bit of courage and hope, medical when need be. I got a doctorate in astrophysics at one point, just for fun. Also in thirty-eighth century Venusian poetry. Why?”

 

“Right,” said Kara, drawing out the word skeptically. She sighed. “Well, maybe the Time Agency can actually be useful, for once. Maybe you can help us. At the very least, I suppose you can’t make things worse, any way. Those men are Earth soldiers, tasked with keeping us safe until we can set up a functioning, permanent government. They took your friend to the hospital. Come on, I’m heading over there myself, I’ll take you. You can talk to the captain, see what’s going on.”

 

Ryan eyed her warily.

 

“Do you think we should trust her?” he whispered to Yaz and the Doctor. “She could be lying.”

 

“I don’t think she is,” said the Doctor. “Why would she? She hasn’t given us any reason to not trust her, so let’s accept her help until she’s given us a reason not to. Besides, the people you meet randomly can be the best help you need at that moment. Imagine what would have happened if I didn’t trust you lot when we first met. We’d all be in pretty bad shape right about now.”

 

Yaz looked the Doctor over with concern. “Speaking of bad shape… are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine.” The Doctor waved off her question, obviously making an effort to stand steadily. But she couldn’t keep the grimace of pain off her face. “That must have been a stun rod. Some sort of electric current to it. Nasty, but no lasting damage.” She turned back to Kara, who stood with an expectant look. “Alright, then. Kara. Take us to your leaders.” The Doctor grinned. “Oh, I’ve been wanting to say that for ages. Is it too stereotypically alien, though?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah sorry this is a short chapter. i promise, most of these arent this short. BUT good news, ive decided that i'll be posting on sundays, wednesdays, and fridays. so yall dont have too long to wait, only like two days! (this came because i know that if i dont have a regular day to post on, i WILL forget. see, im just looking out for yall)
> 
> let me know what yall thought of it (im so sorry for the cliffhangers, too, it just kind of happened)
> 
> see you on friday!


	3. The smoking memory that ain't nothing but ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from burn out, by midland  
> its a really good song, would highly recommend. my country ass loves singing along to it and leaning into my southern accent. its great. 
> 
> also, update: since this week was spring break and im a piece of shit who didn't want to do homework, i got like two and a half more chapters done this week. so im REALLY close to finishing writing this thing YAY  
> but seriously tho, i did almost nothing productive this week. like its bad. but hey, i won my class at my last horse show of the season, so there's that, right? does that count as productive? does writing about 7000 words of fanfic count as productive? 
> 
>  
> 
> aaaaanywho... enjoy :)

They walked for about thirty minutes, Kara leading them through the twists and turns of the colony. Every so often, she would pepper them with a question, but the Doctor seemed too distracted to answer. And since she didn’t know as much, or anything, really, about the Time Agency, Yaz had decided it would be best to keep her mouth shut, Ryan obviously, yet silently, agreeing with her. Eventually, Kara gave up on small talk, leaving them to walk in silence. 

 

As she walked, Yaz’s mind spun. This was the first proper, futuristic city the Doctor had taken them to, yet she couldn’t enjoy it, too concerned with Graham’s disappearance. Even with the amazing sights, smells, and colors all around her, Yaz focused on her feet, on putting one in front of the other. What if Graham was gone forever? What if he had been infected with whatever disease had scared everyone in the marketplace?

 

And what was the Battle of Demon’s Run?

 

Judging by the Doctor’s posture as she threatened the soldiers, she had expected it to scare them. But why had she tried to threaten them in the first place? That wasn’t like her - she usually liked to talk her way into confusing everyone else, giving herself time to escape. What was it about those soldiers that she went straight to threats? 

 

Yaz glanced over at the Doctor. Hunched slightly, with her hands shoved into her trouser pockets, the Doctor had a distant expression on her face. Feeling Yaz’s gaze, the Doctor straightened up a bit, giving her a reassuring smile. 

 

“We’re here,” Kara announced, startling Yaz out of her thoughts.

 

Yaz stared up at the looming building. The tallest building around, the hospital towered into the sky, the stonework free of any plants, unlike every other building in the entire colony. The combination of the clean, white facade and the height gave it the impression of being both sterile and imposing.

 

Motioning them forward, Kara climbed the steps to the front doors. Two soldiers flanked them.

 

“Can you take these people to see the captain?” Kara said. “They’re from the Time Agency.”

 

“Yup, that’s us,” interjected the Doctor. She shoved the psychic paper into their helmet covered faces quickly, then put it away before the soldiers could have a chance to read it properly. “I’m the Doctor, and these are my best friends, Yaz and Ryan. We need to see the captain, urgent Time Agency business. Let’s get a shift on, chop chop.” 

 

The soldiers didn’t move for a second. Then, the one on the left nodded once.

 

“Follow me.”

 

A voice distorter warped the words, making them echo flatly, mechanically. It was impossible to tell if the person was male or female beneath the white armor. The soldier turned stiffly on the heel, marching into the depths of the hospital.

 

“Right,” said the Doctor warily. “Thanks…”

 

She stepped into the hospital, keeping a healthy distance between herself and the soldier. Yaz, not wanting to be left behind, pressed closer to the Doctor. Ryan, however, hesitated.

 

“Hang on, what about you?” he asked. At his words, the Doctor and Yaz paused, turning to face him. He had cocked his head slightly, staring at Kara. “Are you coming with us?”

 

Kara shook her head. “I’ve got other matters I need to attend to. Besides, I don’t need to talk to the captain. Why bother him?”

 

“Thank you for your help,” said the Doctor. “I hope we can repay you at some point.”

 

“Help us fight this disease. That’s all the thanks I need,” said Kara. The Doctor nodded solemnly. Kara smiled. “I hope you find your friend. But you better get a shift on, that soldier isn’t going to wait for you.” 

 

Yaz looked back over her shoulder at the soldier, who was already most of the way down the long hallway and showed no sign of stopping to wait for them. 

 

“See you around, yeah?” said Yaz.

 

“Yeah. Now go on.”

 

The Doctor smiled at Kara then started hurrying down the hall, Ryan and Yaz beside her. As they caught up with their guide, the soldier didn’t acknowledge their presence, continuing to walk in a stiff, steady fashion. 

 

“So you lot take the whole strong and silent thing seriously, then?” said the Doctor brightly. “Seems a little overkill, what with the armor and the whole… thing.”

 

She gestured to the soldier’s body, waving her hand in front of the helmet. The soldier ignored her. Their footsteps echoed eerily through the long, empty halls, filled only with the occasional pair of soldiers guarding certain doors. 

 

“Doctor,” hissed Yaz. “What are you doing?”

 

“Just trying to get to know our host a little better,” said the Doctor at full volume. Yaz winced, the Doctor’s voice piercing through the creepy silence surrounding them.

 

“Could you not?” whispered Ryan. “This guy feels… off.”

 

“Well, how are we going to know why unless we ask questions?” said the Doctor. “Honestly, I thought you two knew me well enough by now to know that questions are the best. Never stop asking questions, or the world will stop spinning. Well, I say world. More like the galaxy. Or the universe!”

 

Yaz rolled her eyes. But before she could respond, the soldier stopped. Ryan crashed into the Doctor, who quickly steadied him. 

 

“Sorry,” said Ryan. Even though his skin didn’t show redness well, Yaz suspected Ryan was blushing.

 

“No worries,” said the Doctor, smiling. And despite the smile not being aimed at her, Yaz felt her stomach jolt.

 

The soldier woodenly knocked once on a door. 

 

“Come in,” called a voice from behind it.

 

The Doctor pushed past the soldier as he opened the door, revealing a small, sparse office. One lonely bookshelf stood against one wall, with a chair in front of it. The only other piece of furniture was a desk, which bore no personal effects. An older man stood behind it, going through some papers. He looked up as the Doctor wrinkled her nose.

 

“I see the military sparseness doesn’t stop with these muscles,” she commented, gesturing at the soldier. “Ever heard of color? White’s boring.”

 

“Sorry, but who are you?” the man asked. He nodded to the soldier, who left, closing the door behind him. The Doctor pulled out the psychic paper again.

 

“Special forces with the Time Agency,” she said. “Are you the captain of this colony?”

 

“Captain Lee Michaels,” he said, holding out his hand. “What can I do for you, Miss…?”

 

“Doctor, actually,” the Doctor said. She took his hand and shook it quickly. “And we’re here because I think there’s been a mix up. You see, some of your men took one of our friends off. We’re just here to pick him up, then we’ll pop off, be out of your hair quick as you like.”

 

Michaels picked up a piece of paper and frowned at it. “Would that be Graham O’Brien, then?”

 

“Yeah, that’s him!” siad Ryan. “Where is he?”

 

“Safe. But I’m afraid I can’t let him go just yet,” said Michaels. 

 

“Why not?” demanded Ryan. “He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

 

“Of course not,” said Michaels, raising an eyebrow. “He’s being kept for observation, Mr…?”

 

“Sinclair. Ryan Sinclair. Also special forces.”

 

“Well, Mr. Sinclair, your associate was brought in because of suspicion of contamination.”

 

“Yeah, what’s going on with that?” interjected Yaz. “No one’s given us a straight answer about this supposed disease. And I’m Yaz, by the way. Yasmin Khan, since you didn’t ask.”

 

Michaels sighed, then dragged the chair back behind his desk. Sitting down, he steepled his fingers together. 

 

“They’ve been calling this the Vanishing Disease.”

 

“Vanishing Disease?” repeated Ryan. “That sounds good. Does it clear up quickly, then?”

 

“No, not exactly,” said Michaels. “Something much worse than that, I’m afraid. It’s all been a bit of a blur, and rather complicated. I don’t know exactly how to start...”

 

“Well, start from the beginning,” said the Doctor. “I’ve always found that’s a very good place to start.”

 

Yaz glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. 

 

“What?”

 

“Enough with the musical references, already. That’s three in the past three hours.” 

 

“Why are you keeping track of that?”

 

Yaz blushed and didn’t respond.

 

“No, it’s good advice,” said Michaels wearily. “The only question is where is the beginning.” 

 

He sighed, closing his eyes briefly.

 

“This colony isn’t very old,” he said, opening up his eyes again and surveying them over the tips of his fingers. “The first settlers moved in a year ago.”

 

“Hah! See, I told you lot I got it right,” said the Doctor triumphantly. Yaz bit her lip, keeping a laugh back. Michaels gave the Doctor a confused look and she at least had the grace to look a little ashamed. “Sorry. Continue.” 

 

“Well, for three months, everything was going well,” Michaels said. “I was only supposed to be here for about six months, help keep order as the people set up their government and got everything settled. Then, the first people got sick.” 

 

Ryan frowned. “Sick how?”

 

“It started out with just sneezing and coughing, like a cold. Which is ridiculous, we found the cure for the common cold centuries ago, no one should have been exhibiting those symptoms. But after twenty four hours, people started disappearing.” 

 

“Actually, those would be signs, not symptoms,” the Doctor piped up. “Signs are observable, symptoms are what you feel.” 

 

Everyone turned to look at her. 

 

“Sorry.”

 

Ryan shook his head, obviously fighting to keep a straight face. 

 

“So… the sick people disappeared?” Yaz prodded.

 

“Yes. And then it started spreading.” Michaels sighed again. “It was utter chaos. People started panicking, terrified of being the next victim. Some really dodgy cures started popping up all over the place, even though our scientists had no idea what’s going on. They still don’t, to be quite honest. Others would kill anyone who even sneezed twice in a minute, trying to prevent the spread. I can’t blame them, really. They were just trying to protect themselves. So I put this place under martial law.” 

 

The Doctor snorted. “Martial law. And how did that go?”

 

“Well, we brought in anyone who exhibited any sickness symptoms, put them under quarantine. We also put up that forcefield, to keep the sickness from spreading to any other planet. And so far, it’s been working. Crime has decreased, and we’ve received no reports of this anywhere else, so at least there’s that. It’s contained. And the epidemic is slowing.” He paused. “Hang on, though, the forcefield is still up. I haven’t got any reports of it being tampered with, and no one has asked me for permission to come through it. How did you lot get in?”

 

There was a pregnant pause.

 

“Special forces, remember?” Yaz said quickly. 

 

Ryan nodded enthusiastically. “Yup. That’s us. Special forces!”

 

“That doesn’t answer the question. As far as I know, the Agency hasn’t made a portable plasma cannon yet. And vortex manipulators still wouldn’t be able to penetrate that field.”

 

The Doctor snorted again. “Vortex manipulators? Please. As if we would touch that cheap and nasty time travel. Nah. The Agency recruited us because we have special talents. Best not to ask too many more questions about it though, can’t give away too many top secret secrets. I’m sure you understand.”

 

“Of course.” Michaels folded his hands on the table, leaning forwards. “I wasn’t aware of the Time Agency dealing in medical emergencies. But you’re a doctor. And here you are. Would you be willing to take a look, see if you can do anything about this? We can’t release your friend until tomorrow, make sure he’s not sick, so if you wished to stay here and give us your opinion…?”

 

The Doctor beamed. “I would love to.”

 

“Excellent.” Michaels stood and gestured them towards the door. “I’ll have you taken to Mr. O’Brien. One of our medical staff will meet you there, give you more details and anything else you require. I hope you can give us something to work with, we’ve been running into dead ends everywhere we turn.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so funny story about that line the doctor says about asking questions. i wrote that, just kinda thinking that that sounds like something she'd say, right? and then fromflametofire gets really excited about it and asks if i stole that line from the podcast jodie did with david tennant and i was like ???????? what podcast?! so anyway, i got to listen to a podcast done by the people who play my two favorite doctors and they kept talking about broadchurch so i was like eh why not go watch that and i have two observations: 1) it was really weird seeing jodie as a mom and with brown hair and 2) WE ARE BEING DEPRIVED OF HOW WELL SHE CAN DO EMOTIONAL SHIT IN DR WHO like holy shit she made me FEEL and theres almost NONE of that heavy emotional stuff in dr who and they need to fix that asap
> 
> and that comment the doctor throws out about signs vs symptoms IS A REALLY BIG PET PEEVE OF MINE. ive had that bashed over my head by my professors enough times that i get annoyed when a tv show messes it up. side effect of being any type of biological science major, i guess. 
> 
> also, thanks for bearing with me in setting up the plot, i promise the action is coming like REALLY soon along with some really heavy thasmin that youre gonna melt into a puddle over. i melted while writing it and i still havent fully resolidified. 
> 
> let me know what yall are thinking, i love reading your comments❤️  
> see you sunday!


	4. When you fall apart, dry your eyes, keep it all inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii i decided to post this chapter a little early. normally i post around midnight, but this is only about eight hours before midnight, so its ok, right? but im posting early because ive got something allllllll day tomorrow that i forgot to factor in to my posting schedule and i KNOW im gonna be wiped afterwards and will have no energy to go through the chapter before posting. and i didn't want to leave yall hanging for too long  
> so enjoy please
> 
> chapter title from belle of the boulevard, by dashboard confessional

“Doctor, do we really need to stay the whole twenty four hours?” whispered Ryan. “Can’t we just grab Graham and sneak out? It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve broken out of somewhere.”

 

“No can do, Ryan, sorry,” said the Doctor, equally as quietly. “Breaking a quarantine is a bad idea. I don’t want to do it unless we absolutely have to.”

 

“I’m with Ryan on this, Doctor,” said Yaz. “The sooner we leave, the better. This place gives me the creeps.”

 

“Me too,” said Ryan.

 

“Me three,” confessed the Doctor, scrunching her face briefly at the admission. “But still. I’m not going to break Graham out until there’s a solid reason for it.”

 

The Doctor glanced over at the soldier leading them deeper and deeper into the sterile white halls. Just like the one who had led them to Michaels, this soldier walked woodenly, face covered by a reflective white helmet that stared forward.

 

“Also…”

 

The Doctor trailed off and slowed to a stop, her lips slightly parted, her eyes distant. Ryan and Yaz exchanged a look as they slowed too. Her heart in her throat, Yaz studied the Doctor’s face, which was obviously lost in thought. She never liked it when the Doctor went silent. Every time she did, it was such a jarring shift from the sunny, excitable personality the Doctor normally displayed. And every time, it always spelled trouble.

 

“Also what, Doctor?” prodded Ryan.

 

She didn’t respond.

 

Yaz touched her arm. “Doctor?”

 

She jumped, then blinked at them owlishly.

 

“It’s just….” She trailed off again, frowning at the retreating soldier’s back. “There’s something wrong, something _off_ , about these soldiers.”

 

“How do you mean, off?” said Ryan.

 

“That’s just it, I can’t put my finger on it,” said the Doctor. “But these soldiers are too… good.”

 

“Too good?” repeated Yaz. “Really? Of all the things surrounding these guys to complain about, and you think they’re too good?”

 

The Doctor scanned their faces briefly, then patted the hand Yaz still had on her arm.

 

“Come on, he’ll leave us behind.”

 

As the Doctor pulled away, Yaz froze at the brief touch. Ignoring the swoop in her stomach, shaking herself back to the present, Yaz ran a couple of steps to keep up with the Doctor as she caught back up with the soldier.

 

“You didn’t answer the question, Doctor. What do you mean, too good?”

 

“I mean they’re in perfect synch with each other, Yaz,” said the Doctor. “Whatever they need, whatever they do, they do it together.”

 

“Isn’t that good, though?” said Ryan. “Good training, maybe?”

 

“No one is that good at training soldiers.” The Doctor shook her head. “Even in the best armies, there’s always an element of slight discoordination. You can’t get everyone to do everything at the exact same time, always. That’s impossible.”

 

Ryan shrugged. “Futuristic technology telling them what to do when, maybe?”

 

“I’ve never heard of anything like that,” said the Doctor. “Free will keeps people from synchronicity all the time. There’s ways to take away people’s free wills, but those are all illegal in every civilized galaxy. I can’t imagine that they would do that here. But it’s more than that.”

 

“You don’t need to convince us that these guys are creepy, I think we’re all in agreement about that,” commented Yaz.

 

“It helps to think out loud, sometimes. Talking’s brilliant. Gets the brain juices flowing,” said the Doctor. She frowned. “There’s something there…”

 

“Speaking of speaking… have you lot noticed how silent they are?” said Yaz. “I know we were joking about the strong and silent muscles, but they really do take it to the next level.”

 

The Doctor gasped dramatically. Yaz tensed, sure they were about to be attacked, when the Doctor swept her up into a hug, squeezing her hard before letting go.

 

“Yaz, you are absolutely _brilliant_ , you hit it right on the head. Take fifty points. Was I doing points? Doesn’t matter, just take fifty of them.”

 

Yaz stood stunned, like a pan full of emotions had just slammed into her, clocking her straight in the stomach, simultaneously winding and invigorating her. The Doctor had never hugged her before. Touched, comforted, shoved, patted, pulled, yes. But hugged? Never.

 

The sudden appearance and disappearance of the Doctor’s arms left warmth trailing through her body, pooling deep and low within Yaz’s stomach, lingering there. Desperately trying to get the strange, new, wonderful scent of the Doctor’s hair out of her nose, Yaz struggled to croak out a word.

 

“What?”

 

“The soldiers don’t talk! Well, that one soldier did, but that was like, two words, so that doesn’t really count.”

 

“What are you going on about?” demanded Ryan.

 

“The talking, Ryan, the talking!” The Doctor looked expectantly at him and huffed when he simply shrugged. “Ryan, when soldiers think no one’s looking, they start talking, joking. No superior officer, no one to report them, no reason to keep acting all stoic. They have to, it’s the only way to keep themselves sane in their line of work. But this lot, they’re silent, stiff, all the time.”

 

“I think you’re generalizing them a bit, Doctor. Maybe this lot is like the Queen’s Guard. How do you know that they’ll have a laugh when no one’s looking, anyway?” said Ryan.

 

The Doctor shrugged, scrunching her face. “Because I saw men like that all the time when I was in the army, during the war. But that’s not it. This lot is not the Queen’s Guard.”

 

“Wait, _what_?”

 

“The Queen’s Guard soldiers still breathe. They still make noise, even though their training helps to cut down on the amount. This lot is silent. Completely, one hundred percent silent.”

 

“Doctor, what war?” asked Ryan urgently.

 

“It’s like their wills have been removed, keeping them under some sort of spell. Like they’ve been possessed. Hypnotized. Maybe blood control? No, not blood control, we’d be able to see if it was blood control. What could it be?”

 

“Doctor -”

 

“Hey! We meet again.”

 

Yaz jumped as Doctor spun around and smiled, the shift in her demeanor giving Yaz whiplash. Completely unaware that she had said anything out of the ordinary, the Doctor didn’t notice Ryan and Yaz exchange a wide eyed glance. Yaz’s mind spun, unable to reconcile the thought of an army with the Doctor in it. Unable to imagine this kind, wonderful, brilliant woman fighting in a war.

 

“Kara!” the Doctor said delightedly. “I didn’t expect to see you again. What are you doing here?”

 

“The captain sent word for a medical staffer to meet some guests at quarantine block C,” said Kara, falling into step with them. “I suppose those guests would be you, then?”

 

“Probably. What’s in quarantine block C?”

 

Kara tapped a screen on her cybernetic forearm and scanned it briefly. “Just the one person who was brought in today. Graham O'Brien. Is that your friend?”

 

“That’s him!” said Ryan, distracted from the mystery of the Doctor’s comment for the moment. “Is he alright?”

 

“As far as we can tell, so far, yes.” Kara smiled reassuringly at him. “I was going to check on him, give him an update soon anyway, so why don’t I just give it to all of you at once? We’re almost there, anyway.”

 

She tapped the soldier on the shoulder. He snapped to attention stiffly.

 

“I can take them from here,” Kara said. “You can go back to your post.”

 

The soldier didn’t move for a moment. Just as Yaz was beginning to wonder if he had even heard, the soldier snapped off a salute, then turned on his heel and marched off. Yaz’s eyes trailed after him.

 

Now that the Doctor had pointed it out, Yaz could see how unnaturally he moved, how in synch he seemed with a drum beat only he could hear. Each step, each swing of the arm, was carefully calibrated, so no step was longer than the last, no arm movement differed.

 

_Creepy._

 

“It’s just through here,” said Kara, nodding towards a short hallway that ended in a door.

 

Kara pushed the door open, revealing yet another large, sterile, white room, filled with medical instruments Yaz couldn’t even begin to guess the function of. Picture windows framed the walls like a surgical theater, except these windows looked in on ten rooms with single beds. Glass doors alternated between the windows, leading off of the main room into each of the smaller rooms, all equipped with a futuristic lock. Nine blinked green. The last one blinked red and led to the one occupied room. Within that room, a man sat on the bed, head in hands. As they entered, he looked up and gasped.

 

“Ryan! Doc! Yaz! Blimey, it’s good to see you,” said Graham, rushing over to the door. “How’d you find me?”

 

“We had some help,” said Ran, jerking his head to indicate Kara. She smiled and waved. Ryan jogged over to Graham’s door, putting his hand on the door knob and jiggling it. “Did they hurt you? Are you alright? How do you open this thing?”

 

“That’s deadlock sealed,” said Kara. “It’ll be deadlocked for a complete twenty four hours, or until death, whichever comes first.”

 

“Cheery, thanks for that,” said Graham.

 

“Any time.”

 

“We’ll get you out, Grandad, don’t worry. Doctor, can’t you sonic it?” asked Ryan.

 

“Yeah, sorry, Ryan, no can do,” said the Doctor. “The sonic doesn’t work on deadlocks. Or wood. I should really update that though, it’s getting kind of ridiculous…”

 

“I’m fine, Ryan, stop fussing,” said Graham reassuringly. “Those men pushed me around a bit, but nothing more than that. Brought me down here and left me. You’re the first people I’ve seen in two hours, no one’s done anything to me. They didn’t hurt me, unlike the Doc. Are you alright? That blow looked painful.”

 

“I’m fine, Graham, don’t worry about it,” said the Doctor, waving off the comment. “Just a little electric shock. I’ve had worse.”

 

“And sorry about the whole leaving you alone for so long thing,” said Kara. “We’re severely understaffed at the moment. Most of our staff contracted the Vanishing Disease and never recovered. It’s getting harder to fill the vacancies, no one wants to get near this thing.”

 

“Again, very cheery. Who are you?”

 

“My name’s Kara. I’m the lead research officer on this disease,” said Kara. “Or, at least, I have been for the past two months. Since our first lead officer got sick. Not really the promotion I was hoping for, but here we are. How do you feel?”

 

“... fine?” said Graham, eyes widening. “What disease?”

 

“Any aches? Pain? Fever? Redness? Swelling? Itchiness? Moments when you can’t remember where you are?”

 

“No, no, no, no, no, and no. And no one’s told me anything, so I don’t exactly know where I am anyway. Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”

 

“There’s been an outbreak of something people have been calling the Vanishing Disease,” said Kara matter-of-factly, inputting his responses into her arm. “We brought you in because we fear you might have contracted it.”

 

Graham sat down heavily on the bed. “Right. Way to break the news softly. How do you know for sure?”

 

Kara shrugged. “At this point, it’s a waiting game. You’re not displaying any other of the signs usually associated with the disease yet, so that’s good, but we can’t give you a clean bill of health until at least twenty four hours after the start of quarantine. You’ll just have to stay here for a bit, then you can go run off and do whatever it is that Time Agents do.”

 

“Time Age- ?”

 

“Yes, Graham,” interrupted Yaz. “Can’t wait to get back to the Time Agency and all of our top secret, important missions, isn’t that right.”

 

Taking care to position herself so that Kara couldn’t see her, Yaz gave him a meaningful look. Graham stared blankly at her, then jolted when she jerked her head towards the Doctor and mimed pulling a badge out.

 

“Right! Of course, Time Agency, can’t wait….”

 

Kara frowned and turned to squint suspiciously at Yaz. Quickly, Yaz straightened up and gave her a bright, innocent smile.

 

“Speaking of,” said the Doctor. “The captain mentioned something about needing another opinion on what this disease is…?”

 

“Oh! Yes, of course,” said Kara, turning to the Doctor. “Whatever you could give us would be a huge help. What do you need?”

 

“Well, for starters, I’d like a full report on this disease,” said the Doctor, stripping her coat off and throwing it over a chair. She strode over to frown at some of the instruments. “How it progresses, how it spreads, how it kills. Samples of blood, hair, sweat, urine from the victims, if you have them. It would be better if you also had some from before they got sick, too. Any and all records of treatments you lot have tried, any progress on a cure. Oh! And a biscuit. I’m hungry.”

 

“No biscuits. No eating in a lab, Doctor, you should know that.”

 

The Doctor huffed. “Fine. But everything else, I need.”

 

Kara nodded. “I’ll be back in a bit. Make yourselves comfortable.”

 

As Kara left, Yaz breathed a sigh of relief, sagging against the wall. Graham grinned at her.

 

“Sorry for almost blowing our cover,” he said wryly.

 

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” said Yaz.

 

“That was quick thinking, Yaz, good job,” said the Doctor as she fiddled with what looked like a microscope. “Don’t want too many people asking about our conflicting stories.”

 

“Yeah, okay, so what is the Time Agency, Doctor?” asked Ryan. “It sounds important, are you sure we should be impersonating them?”

 

The Doctor waved a hand dismissively. “The Time Agency disbanded a while ago, in the fifty second century. Seems like these people just haven’t caught up with current events. But, then again, for all they know, we could be on a mission. Time Agents have vortex manipulators that allow them to travel through time. Wouldn’t recommend using them, though. Cheap and nasty time travel.”

 

“Yeah, you told that to the captain,” said Yaz. “What’s so bad about them?”

 

The Doctor gaped at her. “Yaz, how could you _ask_ me such a thing? They’re horrible pieces of technology! The best imitation of a TARDIS, the most beautiful machine in the history of the universe, that your lot could come up with, and you came up with a tacky looking bracelet and the palest shadow of time travel. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it gets the job done, but at what _cost_? In terms of power, it’s like the TARDIS is Niagara Falls and a vortex manipulator is a toilet flushing. A very weak toilet. One that you should probably call the plumber for.”

 

Ryan laughed. “Got some strong feelings about this, Doctor?”

 

“Maybe just a little.” The Doctor smiled crookedly. “But the point is, don’t worry about our cover. And besides, one of my close friends used to be a Time Agent, he’s told me enough about the inner workings of the agency, we’ll be fine.”

 

“So what do they do?” asked Graham.

 

“Think of them like Scotland Yard. Or the FBI. They popped up after a vacuum of power from the war to investigate crimes that interfere with the flow of time and space. Actually, there was a series of very popular dramas concerning the agency, just like all those police dramas your time likes, so I guess that metaphor is pretty accurate. Seriously, though, what is it with all those crime dramas? Don’t humans get bored of them?”

 

Ryan and Yaz exchanged a glance. There was that war again. The war that the Doctor seemed content to mention in passing, but not give them any more details about.

 

Graham’s smiled faded. “Doctor, do you think I could have gotten this disease they’re all so worried about?”

 

“I don’t think we’ve been here long enough to have gotten it,” said the Doctor thoughtfully, considering the question. “From what the captain said, people were here for almost three months before getting sick. It could be just your allergies.”

 

“Could be?”

 

The Doctor shrugged. “I can’t say, Graham. I’ve never heard of a disease like this. Hopefully, I’ll be able to tell you more after Kara brings us those items we requested.”

 

“But if he does have it, you’ll be able to cure him. Right, Doctor?” said Ryan.

 

The Doctor scratched her nose awkwardly, avoiding eye contact. Turning back to the microscope, she started fiddling with the knobs again. “Maybe if we could get him back to the TARDIS, I’d know more about what was happening here. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to do here. This equipment is really primitive, I’d expect better from this century.”

 

“But you’d be able to cure him, right?” asked Ryan doggedly.

 

“Ryan, son, don’t push her,” muttered Graham. Ryan ignored him, continuing to stare at the Doctor.

 

“Doctor?”

 

She sighed, her shoulders falling in slightly.

 

“Ryan, I’ll do my best. You know that. But please don’t ask me to make any promises I can’t keep.”

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments? kudos? let me know!


	5. Pauses, then says, you're my best friend, And you knew what it was

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone's interested, i had a really productive week last week since it was spring break and i got a lot more of the fic done. like im currently in the middle of chapter 19 and it looks like ill be able to wrap it up within about two chapters (ish) and then get started on a new project which kinda popped into my head last night. ill tell yall more later, when im done writing this.
> 
> chapter title from you are in love, by taylor swift

“What do you think she’s doing over there?”

 

Yaz glanced over at the Doctor, who was hunched over a machine.

 

“I don’t know. Some science that she’d explain at a million miles an hour if we asked and end up confusing us more.”

 

Ryan laughed. “True.”

 

He let his head fall back against Graham’s door and sighed, curling his legs closer to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Except for their hushed conversation, the room was deathly silent. Even the machines the Doctor had running seemed muted, their normal buzzing and clanking stifled, as if they too felt the pall in the air.

 

When Kara had come back from gathering the Doctor’s supplies, the Doctor had buried herself in the work, barely acknowledging their presence. After an hour of watching the Doctor, Kara had offered to find Yaz and Ryan a room to sleep in. They had both refused, not wanting to leave the Doctor and Graham. So Kara had opened rooms for them off the main lab before bidding them good night. Feeling too wired and anxious to sleep, Yaz had sunk down against Graham’s door, watching the Doctor work across the large room with Graham and Ryan.

 

Now, Graham breathed lightly in the background, asleep and dead to the world, while Ryan and Yaz continued their vigil.

 

“Do you think she’ll be able to figure it out?” asked Ryan under the hum of the machines. “Find a cure, find whatever’s causing this?”

 

“She’s never let us down so far,” said Yaz quietly. “The people here have been working on it for months though, and they haven’t got anything. Maybe she will. But…”

 

“But what?”

 

Yaz sighed. “Ever since we ran into that Dalek, I can’t help but feel she’s not always here.”

 

“What do you mean?” said Ryan, frowning. “Like mentally? She’s been as brilliant as ever.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what I mean.” Yaz copied Ryan’s pose, resting her chin on her knees as she studied the Doctor. “She’s been showing us all these amazing places, even more amazing than what she showed us before. It’s like she’s running from something. But then… then, she forgets to be brilliant. She gets distracted by something. Like it’s something she’s forgotten. Or trying to forget.”

 

“‘Me and a Dalek. It’s personal,’” quoted Ryan softly. “Do you remember, she said that in that warehouse. She never really explained that.”

 

“I was thinking about that, too,” admitted Yaz. “Do you think she’ll ever explain it?”

 

“I’m too scared to ask, frankly,” said Ryan. “I’d never seen her threaten anything before. And the way she casually tossed it into a supernova…” He shivered. “That was the most terrifying experience of my life, and not just because I thought my dad was about to die. After all her talk about hating guns, yelling at me for picking one up, talking Graham down from killing Tzim-Shaw, and she does that. How could she do that?”

 

“Well, in her defense, she did warn it,” pointed out Yaz. “She did tell it to leave Earth. And she didn’t use a gun to stop it. I suppose she did what she had to do to keep it from hurting people. An alien psychopath… imagine if she had let it go. What it could have done.”

 

“Yeah, I suppose.” Ryan rubbed his hands up and down his shins. “Still scary, though.”

 

“You don’t have to convince me. And I think it affected the Doctor a lot, too.”

 

“In what way?”

 

Yaz paused as the Doctor spun around to look at a different instrument, tucking her hair in a harried manner behind her ear. Scribbling a note to herself, the Doctor didn’t even glance at them before turning back to her first machine.

 

“She’s mentioned that war twice now,” said Yaz, her eyes tracking the Doctor’s movements. “She’s never given any indication of her past, but now… Now she’s mentioned a war that she fought in. And she threatened those soldiers in the marketplace with a battle. The Battle of Demons Run, wasn’t it? Maybe that battle, that war, had something to do with the Daleks. Daleks, demons… I can see the connection. It would certainly explain why she said it was personal. And…”

 

Yaz straightened her back, crossing her legs. Dropping her gaze to her lap, Yaz started fiddling with her fingers.

 

“And I’m scared for her.”

 

Ryan tilted his head to look at her. “Why?”

 

“Why?” Yaz frowned at him. “She’s my friend. My best friend. How can I not be scared for her? She’s your friend too. Aren’t you scared for her?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not? Is she not your friend?”

 

“That’s not what I meant.” Ryan wrinkled his nose. “I meant yes, you’re scared for her. And I’m concerned for her. She’s not okay and she’s not going to accept any help facing her demons. But you’re not scared for her because she’s your friend. Are you?”

 

It wasn’t a question. Yaz opened her mouth to deny it, then shut it. One look at Ryan’s face told her that anything she said to the contrary would be useless. Besides, she was getting tired of holding it in. The secret had bubbled at her lips for so long, yearning to break free, to shout to the world. To the universe.

 

A clatter came from across the room as the Doctor dropped something in frustration onto the table. Muttering to herself, the Doctor scrunched her face in the way Yaz had realized meant she was thinking hard about something. Yaz’s heart swelled at the harsh white light from the overhead lights somehow softening at the Doctor’s face, casting her in perfect profile.

 

“How long have you known?” she whispered. “ _How_ did you know?”

 

Ryan chuckled. “Yaz, you are the least subtle person I know. Do you remember when I broke that lamp in school with a ball I wasn’t supposed to be throwing inside and asked you to keep the secret? The teacher took one look at your face and asked you who broke it. I got in _so_ much trouble.”

 

Yaz tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear nervously. “I can be subtle. What about the whole thing with Kara and the Time Agency today?”

 

“No, you can’t,” Ryan told her with a grin. “Kara definitely thinks something’s up. That’s okay, though. You can’t be brilliant at everything. But I’ve known ever since the Doctor’s witch trial. The look on your face when she went under.” He put a hand on hers. “And that look when she came back up. Me and Graham were relieved to know she was okay. You looked like someone had given you a new chance at life. You love her.”

 

Yaz hung her head. “I don’t know what I feel. But you’re right. It’s not exactly a friendly feeling.”

 

“When did you know?”

 

“After we went to visit my gran,” said Yaz, the memory of that morning flashing through her mind. “The things she said about love at the wedding, the way she protected me from writing myself out of existence… that look on her face in the TARDIS. The one that said so much and yet had nothing but comfort. I think I started falling in lov... having feelings for her a while ago, the moment she turned around and asked me why I called her madam, do you remember? But that… I looked at her. And that was when I knew.”

 

Ryan squeezed her hand. “Yaz…”

 

“It doesn’t matter, anyway.” She angrily brushed away a tear she didn’t realize had started to fall.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because she doesn’t feel the same. How could she? She’s… the Doctor. What would she want with me?”

 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Yaz. You’re pretty awesome.”

 

Yaz laughed. “Thanks. And thanks for not taking the piss.”

 

Ryan smirked. “Oh, don’t think this conversation is the end of it. You have a ton of suggestive winks and jokes coming your way at the worst moments, don’t worry.”

 

“Ass,” Yaz said, shoving his shoulder playfully with her own.

 

“Always,” he said, shoving her back with a little more force.  

 

“ _No,_ ” exclaimed the Doctor suddenly.

 

Yaz’s heart jumped and stopped for a beat, terrified the Doctor had overheard their conversation. But the Doctor had leapt to her feet, staring at a set of results on a screen. Behind them, Graham snorted and sat up, blinking blearily.

 

“No way, that shouldn’t be possible,” the Doctor said, shaking the screen slightly. “ _How_ is that possible?”

 

“What’s not possible, Doctor?” asked Ryan as he and Yaz clambered to their feet and ran to join her. “Have you got something?”

 

“Possibly,” said the Doctor, dragging her hand through her hair before scrubbing her face with it. “Quite possibly. But at the same, completely impossible. I should not have gotten these results, there’s no way that I’m right. But then again, I’m really smart. Like, really, really smart. And I totally did _not_ make a mistake. So these should be correct. But _how_ -”

 

“Spit it out, Doctor,” said Yaz, cutting across the Doctor’s rambling. “What did you find?”

 

The Doctor’s eyes snapped to her, and a chill ran through Yaz’s spine. She’d never seen the Doctor like this, wide eyed and confused and terrified. Even when she didn’t know what was going on, the Doctor exuded control. Fighting the Dalek, the one thing that had really, truly terrified her, she’d always had a plan of attack, always knew what to do. Yet now, she seemed lost.

 

And that scared Yaz more than anything.

 

The weight of the Doctor’s eyes pinned Yaz, forcing her to stare back on tenterhooks, waiting for the next words to seal this planet’s fate. Her eyes full of ages that Yaz could never know, moments so monumental that Yaz would never understand, the Doctor stood still, lips parted slightly, her newfound knowledge on the tip of her tongue, weighing it down with consequences.

 

“It’s a phage.”

 

Ryan sighed, exasperated with the Doctor’s lack of explanation. “What’s a phage, Doctor? Some sort of alien?”

 

“No,” said the Doctor, shifting her scrutiny to him.

 

Finally free from the Doctor’s gaze, Yaz slumped against a machine.

 

“No, it’s not an alien species,” continued the Doctor. “Well, I suppose it is for me, but not for you lot. Phages are from Earth.”

 

“I’ve never heard of them,” said Ryan. “But then again, school never was my strong point. What are they?”

 

“They’re the pinnacle of evolution,” whispered the Doctor, turning back to the screen with her results again. She pressed something and all the machines stopped humming. In the ringing silence the lack of noise left, the Doctor’s voice echoed eerily. “If evolution is a game to put as many copies of your genetic material into the world as possible, then phages are the perfect winning, killing machine. They’re almost unstoppable. They’re the sharks of the microbial world.”

 

“Hang on, Doc,” said Graham. “The _microbial_ world?”

 

“And what about them is so unstoppable?” said Yaz.

 

“Phages attack a cell and hijack it, Yaz,” said the Doctor. “By inserting their own genetics into the host chromosomes, they can force the host to start producing hundreds, thousands, millions of them. When the cell runs out of resources and can’t make any more phages, it lyses, explodes, sending the new phages into the environment. And the cycle repeats. Over, and over, and over.”

 

“So, it’s like a virus,” said Yaz. “That’s how viruses work, right?”

 

“Mostly, yes.” The Doctor scrunched her face. “Actually, pretty much, yes. But there’s a problem. It’s like Graham pointed out - phages attack microbes. Bacteria. Viruses attack eukaryotes. There’s no reason why these phages should suddenly switch from one domain of life to another. And that’s not the end of it. There’s something else on this assay.”

 

“Stop being so dramatic, Doc,” said Graham. “Just tell us.”

 

The Doctor tapped on the screen again, pulling up a new set of results. “The disease isn’t resulting just from the phages I found. There are prions in here.”

 

Graham’s face paled. “Bloody hell.”

 

“Prions?” Ryan frowned. “Again. School? Biology? Not my strong point, contrary to popular belief. Could you explain?”

 

“Ryan, son, prions are proteins. Malformed proteins, to be exact. They can self replicate and cause some pretty nasty damage to the brain and nerves,” said Graham.

 

Ryan gaped at him. “How do you know that?”

 

“You’re too young to remember this, but there was a big scare with them in the early ‘90s,” said Graham. “It was kind of hard to _not_ know about them, they really hurt the economy and a lot of people’s livelihoods.”

 

“What scare?”

 

“They cause something called bovine spongiform encephalopathy, Ryan,” said the Doctor. When Ryan shook his head, she raised an eyebrow. “Also known as Mad Cow Disease.”

 

“Oh. Bloody hell.”

 

“Yeah. That sums it up pretty nicely.” The Doctor huffed. “The problem is, I don’t know exactly what the cause of death is. Or what happens to the people who vanish. Which isn’t really a cause of death, as there’s no body. So I guess I should say cause of disappearance? Oh. I’m distracting myself. What I mean to say is all I’ve founded is what. I still have no idea how. And the what doesn’t make much sense, anyway.”

 

“So how are you going to figure it out?” asked Yaz.

 

“I’ll guess.” The Doctor shrugged. “That’s all science is, really. You take your best guess, you look at the data, and then you see if your guess was right. If not, you guess again. But I’ve got a RAPD going right now, hopefully that will help answer something.”

 

“A rapid what?”

 

“It’s a way to look at DNA,” said the Doctor, waving a hand at yet another machine. “Stands for randomly amplified polymorphic DNA. Really primitive, twentieth century equipment, but it’s all I have. The RAPD should amplify the DNA fragments from the phages, then I can run a gel electrophoresis and a Southern blot test to analyze the results. Possibly get me a read on what genes they’ve inserted into the chromosomes. Maybe I’ll even do an RFLP or PCR if I’m really desperate.”

 

“Did you understand what she just said?” stage whispered Ryan.

 

“Only about every other word. Maybe,” said Yaz.

 

“Oi, I can hear you two,” said the Doctor. “It’s not nice to talk about people behind their backs.”

 

Yaz blushed, her face heating up even more when Ryan gave her an exaggerated wink coupled with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. Before she could respond, a yawn shook her.

 

“Oh. Blimey. It’s getting late, isn’t it?” said the Doctor. “Don’t you lot need sleep?”

 

“Don’t you need us to help, Doctor?” said Ryan quickly. “I’m sure Yaz would be thrilled to.”

 

Feeling the blush spread through her neck, Yaz glared daggers at Ryan as the Doctor shook her head.

 

“No, it’s just sit and wait for the test results to come back, at this point. Thanks though, Ryan. The Southern blot test alone will take all night to run. If I had my TARDIS, it would go a lot faster, but…” She sighed, her face softening as she looked at them. “Get some rest, gang. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”  

 

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i seem to like ryan confronting yaz about her feelings for the doctor in the fifth chapter. i have no idea why, but this is the second long fic ive done that in. weird.
> 
> anyway, a note on the science in this chapter:  
> yeah, this is real science. its a science fiction story, ive given you the fiction and it only seems right i also give you the science. idk if ive ever actually said it on here, but if you couldn't tell, im majoring in the biology side of science. so all of the science in this chapter comes directly from classes ive taken in college, mainly microbio and genetics. obviously, ive taken a few liberties with it, but its all rooted in college level courses. ill be honest, im not the biggest fan of genetics or microbio, even tho i think theyre kinda cool, im more interested in repro. but if i get my phd instead of my dvm, then every technique the doctor mentions in here is going to be really important to me, because a lot of research currently going on deals with these genetic techniques to get results in repro. ps if you don't want to read this, everything else in this note is just definitions and a little more explanation of the science. 
> 
> so phages: shout out to my microbio teacher for inspiring the doctors speech about them being the ultimate winners. he also compared them to little terminator robots, tho, so take that as you will. if there's one bacterial cell for every cell in your body, there are 1000 phages per bacterial cell. bacteria aren't completely helpless against phages, they have mechanisms to realize when they've been infected. they can also use something called restriction enzymes to remove the phage DNA from their genome. however, we are stupid humans and therefore do not have restriction enzymes like that so we have to rely on cell death to get rid of viral infections. if you want more information, i found a really nice, fairly simple article that helps to explain them (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4981678/) and bonus, if you read that, you might be able to guess where im going with this because i stole some ideas from there
> 
> PCR: stands for polymerase chain reaction. basically, you're making copies of genes to insert into organisms or to analyze by targeting it with something called primers to create the copies.
> 
> RAPD: yes, pronounced rapid. basically, its PCR if you don't know what gene you're looking for. you're just throwing a whole bunch of (RANDOM, hence the name) primers at the DNA and seeing what you come up with, then running it on a gel electrophoresis
> 
> gel electrophoresis: just a way to look at what sized fragments of DNA you came up with from PCR and how many copies there are
> 
> Southern blot: a type of gel electrophoresis that a guy named Southern came up with. its a way to compare changes in a specific DNA sequence. fun fact, because scientists think theyre funny, theres also northern blots, western blots, etc just to mess with southern (scientists are so dramatic. i love it)
> 
> RFLP: restriction fragment length polymorphisms. looks at DNA markers to compare different members of the population and their genetics, how markers move through the DNA. fun fact, this is what they do for things like 23 and me genetic testing. and paternity tests.
> 
> now obviously, ive only mentioned a couple of techniques the doctor could use to figure this thing out. and that's what i love about science, that no two methods are the same. she's taking a bit of a shotgun approach to this, but that was on my mind when i wrote this and i deluded myself into thinking this counted as studying for genetics. so just go with it.
> 
> and finally, prions: there was a big thing in the uk (i think the peak was 93?) with mad cow. like they had to wipe out hundreds of thousands of cows to stop the spread, so it makes sense that graham would know what they were. since ryan and yaz are obviously a lot younger and city kids, i doubt they would know off the top of their heads.
> 
>  
> 
> if you guys are interested in more of the science, id be happy to explain more (or talk your ear off about repro) but i think this is a good overview. i tried to keep it relatively simple while still sounding cool, but obviously, as my beta found out, my idea of simple is REALLY skewed. oh well. i hope yall enjoyed this chapter. see you on friday!


	6. If you get lost in the light, it's okay, I can see in the dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did promise yall puddle status, didn't i?
> 
> chapter title from since we're alone, by niall horan

_ She was about to die. She knew it, knew it deep in her bones, deep in the primal part of her brain that screamed run. _

 

_ Yet she stood. Frozen.  _

 

_ A long silver rod hovered in front of her face as water dripped in the background. Echoing. Her breaths rang harshly in her ears, her heart hammering against her ribs, waiting, waiting, waiting.  _

 

_ “Oi! Over here!” _

 

_ She turned. The Doctor stood there, framed by the TARDIS. Strong, beautiful, confident. _

 

_ “ _ **_Exterminate. Exterminate.”_ **

 

_ A flash of light. Like a rag doll some child had thrown carelessly to the mud, the Doctor collapsed. Her eyes stared blankly up at the night sky. Stars twinkled in them, but they seemed flat without her usual spark of joy.  _

 

_ A scream ripped from her throat. She ran to her side, desperately pulling the Doctor into her arms, searching for something, for anything, for a sign that some hope remained.  _

 

_ Nothing. _

 

_ Her shoulders shook, harder and harder and harder, as something echoed in her ears. A name. A familiar voice. _

 

_ “Yaz. Yaz, wake up!” _

  
  
  
  


Yaz bolted upright with a gasp, scrambling at the tight coils that bound her. A hand was on her shoulder, gripping tightly as she fought to shake it off, break free of the harsh, vivid, dim memory of the dream. At the edge of her periphery, she felt a weight next to her, a warm presence that radiated calmness. But the darkness around her pressed in, closing in, trapping her - 

 

“Yaz, it’s just me, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

 

At the sound of a familiar buzz, a light flicked on. Yaz blinked.

 

“Doctor?”

 

“Yeah. Hey.” Still in just her shirts and trousers, the Doctor smiled hesitantly at her as she tucked her sonic back into a pocket. She sat on Yaz’s bed, her thumb rubbing a comforting circle into Yaz’s shoulder, her sleeves pushed up around her elbows. “Are you alright?”

 

Concentrating on breathing, Yaz didn’t respond, her heart still beating a violent tattoo into her eardrums. Hands shaking, she started disentangling herself, pushing the sweat soaked blankets back, exposing her clammy skin to a rush of cold air. Aware of the Doctor’s gaze, Yaz stared at her lap, twisting her limp hair back, away from her face. Behind the Doctor, the door leading to the main lab room swung slightly.

 

“Yeah. I’m good.”

 

The Doctor gently put a hand on Yaz’s chin, turning her to face her. Hastily, Yaz dropped her gaze. Reaching up, the Doctor swept her thumb under Yaz’s eyes, brushing away the tears Yaz hadn’t realized she’d shed before dropping her hand back down.

 

“How long have you been having these nightmares, Yaz?” 

 

“How’d you know I was having a nightmare?” Yaz mumbled to her lap.

 

“You started thrashing around,” said the Doctor quietly. “And you were calling out, so loud I could hear it across the room, even with the PCR machine on. I’ve had enough, seen enough nightmares to know. Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Not really.” 

 

“Fair enough.” The Doctor sighed, then took Yaz’s hand, carefully entwining their fingers together. “But Yaz, you don’t have to suffer in silence. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.” 

 

Yaz nodded, expecting the Doctor to get up and leave. But she stayed, holding Yaz’s hand, waiting silently.  Wanting her to leave, wanting her to hold her closer, Yaz blurted out the first question that came to her mind.

 

“Do you sleep, Doctor?”

 

“Of course I do. Just not as often as you do.” 

 

“What are your nightmares about?”

 

The Doctor blinked in surprise. “Where’s this coming from?”

 

Yaz opened her mouth, ready to confront her about her comments about the war, about her history, but shut it instead and shrugged. 

 

“I’m just curious, that’s all.”

 

Her grip on Yaz’s hand tightened briefly, before relaxing again. She swallowed audibly, bowing her head.

 

“I dream about my family. My friends. All the people I’ve lost over the years. I dream about how I’ve lost them. And how even with the all power of time and space itself at my fingertips, I can never save them. Never.”

 

Yaz sat, stunned that the Doctor had actually answered the question, unsure of how to respond. The silence dragged, broken only by their mingling breaths. Then, the Doctor sighed and squeezed Yaz’s hand comfortingly. 

 

“You should go back to sleep. It’s late.” She made to get up.

 

“Three weeks,” blurted Yaz. 

 

The Doctor paused, then sank back down onto the bed, waiting for Yaz to continue. 

 

“I’ve been having these for three weeks,” repeated Yaz. “Ever since we ran into that Dalek. I just keep thinking about what could have happened, how it could have hurt everyone…. How it could have hurt you.”

 

“Yaz… you know I wouldn’t have let it hurt anyone else. And I was going to be fine, I’ve faced them before and always walked away.”

 

“But you were terrified,” whispered Yaz. “Don’t even try to deny it. It almost killed you. I can’t lose you. I can’t imagine a world without you.”

 

“Yes, alright, I was scared,” said the Doctor. “But not for myself. Death’s overdue for me. By all rights, I shouldn’t be here. If I had died to stop the Dalek, I would have counted it a fair trade. And you would have been fine. You’re so strong, Yaz, that I don’t think you realize how strong you really are. Losing me might hurt, but you would move on. You would live, and that’s what matters.”

 

The Doctor’s statement fell into the air, hanging there, filled with pain and sorrow. Yaz felt it settle into her soul, as something clicked in her brain.

 

“You’ve lost people to the Daleks, haven’t you?”

 

“Yaz, I…” The Doctor shook her head slowly. “Yaz, I don’t really want to talk about that right now.”

 

“Oh.” Yaz’s stomach dropped, fearing that she had pushed the Doctor too far, been too intrusive, and she would leave and never talk to her again. “Doctor, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have -”

 

“No, it’s okay,” the Doctor said faintly. She brushed a piece of hair back behind her ear, then continued, her voice becoming a little stronger with each word. “Yaz, I’ve got a long past. One that isn’t always pretty. I’ve lost too many people, and I’ve done things I’m not proud of because of it. I promise, I will tell you more about my history with the Daleks at some point. And whatever else you want to know. Just not right now. Not when you’re not ready to hear it.” 

 

Yaz nodded. The Doctor gave her a weak smile and patted her knee.

 

“Good night, Yaz.”

 

As the Doctor got up, Yaz seized her hand. The Doctor turned around, a question in her eyes. 

 

“Doctor…” began Yaz. She gathered her courage, then looked her in the eye. “Could you stay with me? I… I don’t want to be alone right now.”

 

The Doctor, obviously caught off guard by the question, hesitated. 

 

“Alright.” 

 

She settled back next to Yaz and swung her legs into bed, pulling Yaz down and closer. Shocked, Yaz laid her head on the Doctor’s chest. She’d only meant for the Doctor to sit with her. And the bed certainly wasn’t optimal for two people. But she definitely was not going to complain about this turn of events, not while the Doctor was wrapping an arm around her, holding her tightly as the double, four beat pattern of her heartbeat echoed through Yaz’s ear. Stroking Yaz’s hair, the Doctor sighed, settling further into the bed.

 

“I’ll be right here for as long as you need me, Yasmin Khan.”

 

Yaz let her body relax, conforming to the Doctor’s. As a deep, dreamless sleep began to wash over her, Yaz held on to the moment, trying not to hope. Because she knew: this moment was all she was ever going to allow herself to have. 

 

Because it was all that she ever could have.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments? kudos?


	7. Friends don't stand around finding reasons not to leave, trying to hide the chemistry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from friends dont, by maddie and tae. it is a big gay mood i suggest you listen to it

Yaz woke slowly, the world taking form around her as she opened her eyes. Frowning, she wriggled in the small bed a little. Why did it suddenly feel so big and spacious?

 

_Oh._

 

She bolted upright as the events of last night came back to her. The Doctor, waking her up from a dream. Comforting her.

 

Sleeping with her.

 

Letting out a groan, Yaz buried her face in her hands. God, she was such a useless idiot. Asking the Doctor to stay… if that hadn’t clued the Doctor into her feelings, she didn’t know what would. She might as well have worn a blinking neon sign that said _hi, I’m desperately in love with you, will you take pity on me and kiss me already_.

 

But on the other hand, the Doctor had chosen to get into bed with her. She’d stayed. But maybe that didn’t mean anything to the Doctor. Who knew what her home culture said about sleeping with someone else; it could be commonplace, standard procedure. Or maybe the Doctor just was doing it to comfort her as a friend. Yaz wasn’t sure which possibility would be worse. She almost wished the Doctor had let her wake up like she normally did: by herself and alone.

 

Yet the nightmare hadn’t come back, unlike almost every other night Yaz had had it.

 

Yaz scrubbed her face with her hands, then swung her legs out of bed. As she run a hand through her bed hair, she froze.

 

_God, I hope Ryan didn’t see us. I’ll never hear the end of it._

 

Voices floated through the partially cracked door, and Yaz sighed. She couldn’t put off facing everyone forever, much as she would like to sometimes. And it wasn’t like staying in the room would let her hide - the entire front wall was made of glass, for some bloody reason. Gathering her courage, Yaz twisted her hair into a ponytail to hide the sweaty mess it had become overnight and walked into the main lab room.

 

“It’s about time you got up,” said Ryan, noticing her immediately. “Did you sleep well?”

 

A shit eating smile had spread over his face, and he gave her a suggestive glance towards the Doctor.

 

_Bloody hell._

 

“Fine, thanks,” Yaz said in a clipped tone.

 

“Ah, Miss Khan. Good morning,” said Michaels. He stood with the Doctor and Kara at a table, looking at something the Doctor had pulled up on a screen. Ryan leaned against the wall next to them, idly watching them. Seeing her, Graham gave her a small smile from his room.

 

“What’s going on?” Yaz asked.

 

“Giving an update to the captain and Kara, here,” said the Doctor, her eyes on the words Yaz couldn’t even begin to comprehend. “I’m still waiting on the results from some tests, but…”

 

“But I wanted to see how she was getting on,” interjected Michaels with a smile. “I always like to keep an eye on how things are progressing. Isn’t that right, Kara?”

 

Kara rolled her eyes. “Yes, Dad.”

 

The Doctor spun around. “‘Dad?' You kept that quiet.”

 

Michaels raised an eyebrow at Kara, who winced.

 

“You didn’t mention that we were related?”

 

“You know I don’t like to bandy it about,” muttered Kara. “It makes it seem like I got promoted because you’re my father, not because of my own talents.”

 

“I would never think that,” volunteered the Doctor. “You’ve kept meticulous records of this disease. Someone who got the job because daddy pulled some strings wouldn’t put in this much effort into finding a pattern in all this mess.”

 

“Thanks.” Kara smiled at her. “Now, what were you saying about the phages?”

 

“Oh! Right.” The Doctor tapped on the screen, changing the view to a list. “Based on what I’ve found so far, the phages have been displaying antigens to get the cells to endocytose them. Once inside, they release an enzyme to dissolve the vesicles and start inserting their genes into the chromosomes. I’m not too sure what exactly they’re doing, but I think they’ve been messing with the introns and exons, shifting them. Making the splicing signals go offline. I’ve also found evidence of proflavine.”

 

Yaz blinked. “Sorry, what?”

 

“Yeah, Doc, English please?” added Graham.

 

“So they’re messing with translation and the splicing process,” said Kara, frowning. “Mutate the DNA to change the DNA frame, which changes the mRNA, which changes the resulting protein. Thereby changing protein interactions in the cell.”

 

The Doctor beamed. “Exactly.”

 

“What protein are they trying to produce? Phage proteins?”

 

“That’s what I’m not sure about,” admitted the Doctor. “Not yet, at least. I don’t think they’re producing more phages. And I can’t really isolate the phages from these samples, they’ve integrated themselves into the DNA. So I’ve been running a Southern blot test to compare the DNA from before the infection to after -”

 

“So you can see the difference in the DNA,” finished Kara, looking stunned. “Find the difference, find the mutated proteins the phages are making, find what is causing people to get sick. That’s brilliant. How’d you think to do that?”

 

“Have I not mentioned? I’m really smart,” said the Doctor, obviously preening a bit.

 

Kara shook her head in disbelief. “Clearly. I wish we’d had you ages ago, we might actually have a cure by now. Unlike how we’ve been progressing with me at the helm.”

 

“Don’t sell yourself short,” said the Doctor. “You understood the implications of my findings right away. Daddy’s unqualified little girl couldn’t have.”

 

“Well, I’m impressed with the both of you,” said Michaels. “Good work. How long until you have a cure, Doctor?”

 

“A while,” said the Doctor. “A couple of hours, at the minimum. Weeks, in the worst case scenario. I still have to figure out this protein and how the prions play into this, then I would have to find some way to counteract the effects.”

 

“Right. Come find me immediately if you make any more progress. In the meantime, I have to report this to my superiors. Carry on.” Michaels nodded to them in farewell, before turning smartly on his heel to leave.

 

An alarm beeped on Kara’s arm and she looked down.

 

“I should go too,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “There’s other patients I need to attend to.”

 

“With the disease?” asked the Doctor. She waited for Kara’s affirming nod before continuing. “Could I come? I’d like to see how these phages actually interact with the body. Might help me more than simply looking at records.”

 

“Of course,” said Kara.

 

“Brilliant, I’ll - oh.” She cut off as a machine beeped at her. “I need to get that. It’s rather time sensitive. But I’d also really like to get some readings on the sonic...”

 

“I’ll go,” blurted Yaz. She blushed as everyone turned to look at her, acutely aware that this was the first time the Doctor had looked at her today. Ryan lifted an eyebrow at her, and Yaz blushed harder. “I can go with Kara, get some readings on the sonic, and you can stay here and do whatever else you need to do. Division of labor. It’s not like I’m doing anything else, anyway.”

 

“I can come too,” added Ryan. “Two new pairs of eyes are better than one, yeah?”

 

The Doctor nodded. “Thanks, you two. As long as that’s okay with Kara…?”

 

“Works for me,” said Kara.

 

“And I guess I’ll stay here,” said Graham, tapping morosely on his door. “Not like I really have a choice…”

 

“Ah, Graham, don’t look so sad,” said the Doctor brightly. “You can help me run some experiments.”

 

“Great.”

 

The Doctor ignored him, fishing her sonic out of her pocket and tossing it to Yaz. “Setting five. Just wave it around a bit over the patient, the sonic will do the rest.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Graham sighed impatiently, resting his head on the door as he watched the Doctor putter around the lab. While it was a nice change of pace to be sitting in a room for so long on one of their adventures, it was starting to wear on him. It also didn’t help that he may or may not have contracted a deadly disease.

 

He sighed again, then stretched.

 

“Got anything, Doc?”

 

“I think so,” said the Doctor, frowning at a piece of paper she pulled from on top of a dish. “Look at this.”

 

She held it up for his inspection. On the paper, little bands of color had scattered throughout, forming a weird, chaotic pattern. Graham looked at the stripes and shrugged.

 

“Doc, you know I don’t understand that.”

 

“It’s the Southern blot test I was telling you about earlier,” said the Doctor. “Basically, the stripes are pieces of DNA that get separated based on markers in the genetic code. I’ve got the DNA from before the infection on the left, and from after the infection on the right. Do you notice anything?”

 

“No, not really. You’re the expert,” said Graham. “It just looks like a bunch of random lines to me.”

 

“Exactly!” said the Doctor, turning the blotting paper back around to study it again. “There should be some similarities between the two runs. They belong to the same person, and their DNA should remain relatively constant. But this… it’s like their DNA has been completely rewritten.”

 

Graham’s stomach dropped. He thought he knew what she was driving at, but no, that couldn’t be possible. Could it?

 

“What are you saying, Doc?” he whispered.

 

Her eyes met his, horrified.

 

“I think I’m saying that the phages are inserting a completely new genome into the nucleus to produce proteins. I think the prions are replicating and destroying the preexisting proteins in the cells, forcing conformational changes to change them into different ones. I think that this disease is attacking the genetic code to turn humans into something else. A new species.” The Doctor paused, considering the impact of her words. “Are you scared? Because I think I am. Really scared, that is.”

 

“Can that happen? Is actually that possible?” demanded Graham.

 

The Doctor nodded slowly. “I’ve seen it happen. Multiple times. The Ood, the werewolf in Scotland…. But it never happened spontaneously. There was always someone behind it, some engineer to start the transformation. Which would explain the phages’ shift from microbes to humans. So now, I think the question isn’t _what_. It isn’t even _is that possible_ anymore. It’s _who’s doing this_. And more importantly - why?”

 

Burying his head in his hands, Graham collapsed heavily onto the bed, his legs suddenly no longer able to support him. Outside, the Doctor spun around and started riffling frantically through some papers Kara had brought her yesterday.

 

“But there’s also something fishy about this. This DNA marker pattern seems familiar, I just can’t put my finger on it. Also, there was something in the records that seemed off. Maybe that’s the clue to a cure, or preventing the spread, or-”

 

“Doc,” said Graham quietly. She didn’t seem to hear him.

 

“I don’t know. Something. But maybe… maybe if I can find it, then I can try to back trace who started this, why they’re doing it. Then -”

 

“ _Doctor_ ,” Graham snapped, cutting through her monologue. She turned, stunned into silence.

 

“What is it, Graham?”

 

Heart hammering in his ears, Graham took a breath, steeling himself. Getting up, he approached the glass door, staring her in the eye determinedly as he placed a hand on the glass.

 

“I need you to promise me something. I need you to promise me to look after Ryan.”

 

The Doctor dropped her gaze, but didn’t say anything, fiddling with her fingers, crumpling the paper in her hands.

 

“If I have this disease, if I…” Graham forced the words out from behind the lump in his throat. “If I die, then he’ll have lost everyone. His mum, Grace, me… Yeah, I know Aaron’s still around and wants to turn over a new leaf. But between you and me, I don’t trust him to keep his word. Not yet. I’m scared Ryan will shut down, like he shut down after Grace’s death, if he doesn’t have anyone to be there for him. I need you to promise me you’ll be there for him. Because he loves you, Doc. You’re family, now. Don’t abandon him. Please.”

 

“I’d never willingly leave him, Graham. He’ll always have a home with me,” said the Doctor quietly. “For as long as he wants it. You have my word.”

 

“Good.” Graham sagged in relief. “Good. Thank you, Doctor.”

 

“Of course.” She smiled tremulously at him, then turned to pick up a beaker and examine its contents.

 

“And while we’re on the topic of things I need to say before I die,” started Graham.

 

“You’re not going to die, Graham,” interrupted the Doctor. “Not if I have anything to say about it. Not that now I know what’s going on.”

 

“Doc, I’m not naive,” said Graham. “I think you and I are both old enough that we don’t believe that. It’s different for Yaz and Ryan, they’re so young, they’re just _kids_ , but us… we know a little more about how the world works. I’ve already had my brush with death. I got more time than I bargained for, and I’m happy with that. So. If I do die, I need you to promise me something else.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I need you to act on or resolve whatever is going on between you and Yaz.”

 

The beaker dropped to the floor with a crash, the mysterious liquid seeping around into a spreading puddle. Some had gotten on the Doctor’s boots, but she didn’t seem to care.

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“That’s bullshit, Doc,” said Graham, raising an eyebrow. “I know that, and you know that I know that. I saw what happened last night between you two. Don’t bother denying it. Why don’t you want to admit it to yourself?”

 

“Graham, I…” The Doctor trailed off and sighed. “It’s not that simple.”

 

“Why not?” asked Graham. “She has a crush on you. Do you feel the same way?”

 

“I know that she likes me, Graham, you don’t have to spell it out for me,” said the Doctor shortly. “I’m not an idiot. And she’s not exactly subtle.”

 

Graham laughed, remembering Yaz’s constant blushes around the Doctor, the way her eyes always lingered on her when she thought no one was looking. “No, she’s not. So if you’ve known about how she feels, why haven’t you said anything to her about it?”

 

“I can’t. I can’t get involved with the people who travel with me.”

 

“Why not?” Graham pushed gently. The Doctor bit her lip, glancing at the puddle she stood in, and a thought occurred to Graham. “Is there someone else in your life?”

 

“No. Not anymore, at least.” The Doctor stepped gingerly out of the liquid, her boots squeaking against the dry floor. “But I don’t matter in this. Graham, I’m not human. And like you said, Yaz is young. I’m not. She deserves so much better than me. I can’t encourage her. I won’t.”

 

“You say she deserves better. But she wants you. And the heart isn’t logical; you can’t just tell her to move on from you. She’s stubborn. She’s not going to do that. You know, she was the one to suggest we ask you to take us with you. We all thought it, but she was the one brave enough to voice it, to put herself out there for you.” Graham laughed. “She reminds me of Grace. When we first met, I was alone. I didn’t want to get close to someone new. I thought I was going to die and hurt them, so what was the point.”

 

Graham glanced at the Doctor, who still stared at the ground. From this angle, he couldn’t really see her face. But he could imagine it, a small crinkle in her nose as she scrunched her face, or that old, ageless look she got sometimes in her eyes. The one that told him that she was much older than she looked. That she had seen things he could never imagine. For a moment, he panicked. What was he doing? Who was he to lecture a who-knows-how-old alien on a nineteen year old girl’s crush?

 

He was a potentially dying man, God damn it. A man who repaid the woman who had given him so much while he mourned. A man who would take care of the two kids he loved like grandchildren, even though neither of them were his blood. A man who looked out for their happiness if it was the last thing he did.

 

“Well, Grace told me to take that viewpoint and shove it,” continued Graham. “Yeah, I was probably going to die. We all do, at some point. But before that, I would live. And be happy. With her. She taught me not to fear endings, not to fear opening up in face of a world of hurt. but to cherish the memories that came with that person. Yaz cherishes her time with you. That’s obvious. The question is, how much do you cherish your time with her?”

 

The Doctor didn’t say anything. A long minute stretched past, turning into two, yet still, the Doctor stood, mute. As the silence grew, pressing on his ears, Graham ran the conversation through his mind. Should he have said something different? He was no wordsmith. He said what he said clumsily, but he was sure the Doctor realized it came from the heart. Had he completely misread the situation? He didn’t think that was the case; if the Doctor had no intense feelings for Yaz, he doubted she would have let the conversation proceed as it had. She would have told him straight out that he had misread her. Probably. Hopefully.

 

Maybe it was the topic itself. Maybe, where she came from, it was rude to talk about this stuff. Well, Graham didn’t care about that. If he was rude, he was rude. But maybe, just maybe, something could come out of it.

 

Suddenly, jerkily, the Doctor pushed her hair behind her ear, the light catching on the exposed metal cuff. She straightened up, and looked him in the eye, pinning him in place.

 

“Graham, I -”

 

Loud footsteps thundered in the hallway outside. As they approached, getting closer and closer and closer, Graham tensed, ready to fight, to defend the Doctor.

 

The door flung open and Ryan and Yaz hurtled through it, slamming it quickly behind them. Ryan bent over, clutching a stitch in his side and panting heavily. The Doctor jumped as Yaz turned to her, Yaz’s eyes wide in fear.

 

“Doctor, you’re never going to guess what just happened. I think we’re in trouble. Big trouble.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we're just gonna be roasting yaz for being not subtle and an idiot, just go with it. also, i just really liked the idea of the doctor knowing that yaz liked her and that scares the shit out of her. as opposed to puppy dog doctor (which is good and i love!!) who is just like ?????. like come on guys. this isnt her first rodeo, shes not an idiot. and isnt graham just adorable? trying to defend the doctor from behind a locked door lol. i love grandpa graham.
> 
>  
> 
> also yay! more science!! and some actual answers!!
> 
> so science explained:  
> introns and exons: so as you guys may know, your DNA is not all useful information. theres a lot of base pairs that dont code for anything. in eukaryotes, we actually have some of that inside of our genes. so when dna is being transcribed, the mrna copies everything, introns and exons. but the only things that code for something are the exons. so splicing signals come along and tell the mrna to cut the introns out, giving you the code for the gene. 
> 
> proflavine is a mutagen, meaning that it mutates the dna. it does this because its the exact length of a base pair and kinda wiggles into the dna. when the dna is being replicated, the machinery goes ???? ok, and just inserts a random base pair. 
> 
> now, i want yall to remember that mutations arent inherently bad. youre a bag of useful mutations. they only become a problem when they start messing with how your body works in a bad way. so the reason why these dna mutations are bad is because your body is very precise. so if you had a gene that went TACAGGCTA, then your mrna would read AUGUCCGAU. the resulting protein (google a codon table) would then be MetSerAsp. but what if you add in a base pair? so TACAGGCTA could turn to TACaAGGCTA, which turns to AUGuUCCGAU. the new protein would be MetPheArg, which is an ENTIRELY NEW PROTEIN and will affect any order of amino acids downstream from the mutation. and that throws off how your cell interacts with the protein. so having proflavine and keeping the introns in the mrna means that who freaking knows what these new protein are going to be
> 
> does that make sense? it doesnt matter too much, this is pretty much the last of the science. just know that phages dont normally do that, they're being engineered to do it. and what theyre doing is bad. like.... really bad. also prions are nasty little shits. lol  
> see you wednesday!


	8. Blame it on the pain that blessed me with the life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. ill be honest with yall, im not in the best place emotionally right now. we had a horse die unexpectedly over thanksgiving and i just remembered that her birthday is tomorrow. she'd have been one. and god i miss that baby so much she was just the sweetest, most loving thing. and im a little insecure about this chapter, so please be nice. thanks
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from eraser by ed sheeran

Yaz sighed as she fiddled with the Doctor’s sonic. It let off a buzz and she jumped, pocketing it sheepishly as Ryan and Kara looked over at her.

 

“Sorry. I don’t really know how this thing works,” she muttered.

 

“What is it?” asked Kara. “I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

 

“The Doctor calls it her sonic screwdriver,” said Ryan. “Except I’ve never seen her use it as a screwdriver. I think it’s more of a scanner of some sort. So I guess take the name with a grain of salt.”

 

“Do all Time Agents have one?”

 

“Uh… no. Just her, pretty much,” said Yaz.

 

“Mhmm,” hummed Kara absentmindedly as she steered them down yet another white hallway. “What about psychic paper? Does the Agency usually give out psychic paper?”

 

“Erm.” Ryan scratched his nose quickly. “No, the Doctor had that before we came to the Agency.”

 

Kara lifted an eyebrow. “Wow. The Doctor seems to be the master of all talents. Time Agent, doctorates, technical gadgets, medical and biological knowledge…”

 

“Yeah.” Yaz chuckled uncomfortably. “What can’t she do, right?”

 

“Find companions who can lie, apparently,” mused Kara. “Oh well, no one’s perfect.”

 

Yaz missed a step, tripping slightly over her own feet. Quickly, she glanced over at Ryan, who glared at her.

 

“ _What_?” sputtered Yaz. “Pft, why would you say that? Who said anything about lying? Not us. What do we have to lie about? I’ll tell you what: nothing. We’ve got nothing.”

 

“Oh, cut the crap,” said Kara. “You’re not from the Time Agency, are you.”

 

“Smooth, Yaz. Real smooth,” said Ryan, rolling his eyes. “No. We’re not from the Time Agency.”

 

“Ha! I knew it,” said Kara triumphantly.

 

“How’d you know?” demanded Yaz. Kara looked at her, a laugh sparkling in her eyes.

 

“Because you lot definitely don’t act like Time Agents,” said Kara. “Time Agents don’t ask questions - they just know. You lot stood around shouting for help in the marketplace. And Graham looked really confused when I mentioned the agency then did a complete about-face when you chimed in. Doesn’t take a genius to start putting together the clues.”

 

“Told you Kara thought something was up,” Ryan told Yaz with a smirk. “Imagine what else I’m right about.”

 

“You’re a right prat, that’s what you are,” Yaz shot back at him.

 

Kara laughed. “So who are you, really? I promise I won’t tell my dad.”

 

“We’re travelers,” said Yaz. “The Doctor takes us around, showing us all these amazing things. And sometimes, she finds things that aren’t right in the world and tries to fix them. We’re here to help. Promise.”

 

“Okay.” Kara shrugged and pointed. “We’re here.”

 

“Wait, you’re going to accept that, just like that?” said Ryan.

 

“Why shouldn’t I?” asked Kara as she opened the door to another large lab room like the one they had left the Doctor and Graham in. “You’ve already helped us. And you haven’t given me a reason to distrust you. Unless there is something…?”

 

Ryan shook his head sheepishly.

 

“Great. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I should ask these fine people how they’re doing.” Kara nodded at the ten occupied rooms, then started tapping on her arm’s screen. All around the room, people looked over at them, some curiously, some blankly. As Kara walked over to one room and smiled at the occupant gently, Yaz and Ryan wandered deeper into the room, gazing about.

 

On one wall, a projector showed a picture of the sky and grass, leaves on the trees waving gently. As Yaz stared at the people in the rooms, Ryan walked over to the projector, making shadow puppets caper across the field. Yaz gave him a look.

 

“What?” he said, as he made a dog bark at the trees.

 

Yaz rolled her eyes, but before she could respond, a loud bang echoed through the room. Yaz jumped as one man slammed again on the glass window next to her. Leaning drunkenly against it, the man leered at her, a trail of drool running out the corner of his mouth.

 

“Hey darling, c’mere, I want to see how you take off your clothes,” he slurred. “Bet you’ve got a nice ass, don’t you, little sweetheart.”

 

Yaz’s stomach dropped. She clenched the sonic screwdriver tighter, unable to conjure up a word, as the man licked the glass suggestively.

 

“Oi! Mate! Leave her alone,” Ryan said, striding over to bang a fist in front of the man’s face on the window. The man jumped, stumbling backwards onto the floor. Yaz shook herself, then put a hand on Ryan’s elbow.

 

“Ryan, I can defend myself. Thanks, though,” she murmured to him. Turning to the man, she wrinkled her nose. “And you can go fuck yourself. It’s the only way you’ll be getting any action today.”

 

The man blinked, then smiled politely up at her. “I’m sorry, miss. But who are you? Can you tell me where I am?”

 

“Don’t talk to her,” said Ryan. The man wrinkled his eyebrows in a frown.

 

“Why not?” he asked, cocking his head slightly. A drop of saliva fell onto his shirt, darkening a small circle and Yaz shuddered.

 

“You know why,” Ryan said, crossing his arms. “Don’t play dumb.”

 

“You must have me confused with someone else,” the man said, scrambling up from the floor and straightening his shirt. “I’ve never seen her before in my life.”

 

“True. But that didn’t stop you from running your mouth,” Ryan told him.

 

The man shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m sorry.”

 

“Ryan, relax,” said Kara, joining them. “This is Mr. Fin, he’s been in here for about eighteen hours.”

 

“You mean... he’s sick?” asked Yaz.

 

Kara nodded. “Don’t take his comments personally. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. It’s one of the later signs of the disease.”

 

Ryan looked horrified. “Wait. Is that what is going to happen to Graham?”

 

“Maybe,” said Kara gently. “Or maybe not. First of all, we haven’t confirmed that Graham has been infected. He’s lasted this long without too many of the symptoms, so I’m cautiously optimistic about his chances. And second, the disease affects different people in different ways. We can’t make heads or tails of why. Maybe the Doctor can. But some people forget what’s going on. Others swing between moods. Still others simply sit until their deaths. It seems like Mr. Fin is one of the mood swingers.”

 

“Fin? That’s an odd name. Like a fish!” Fin chuckled. “I pity the poor bloke with that name.”

 

“That’s horrible,” murmured Yaz, staring at him.

 

“Yeah, it is,” said Kara, putting the data into her arm. “Part of why we’re so keen to find a way to stop this.”

 

Ryan nudged Yaz. “Shouldn’t you be taking readings for the Doctor?”

 

“Right!” She tore her eyes away from Fin, who was now breathing on the glass and drawing pictures in the fog, and fumbled out the sonic. “I’m still not sure how to use this.”

 

“Isn’t there a button, or something?” asked Ryan as she turned the sonic over in hr hands.

 

Frowning, Yaz ran her hand down the sonic, then jumped again as it let out a buzz. Ryan made a face at her, and she shot one back, turning the sonic towards the glass.

 

Fin blinked and shook his head.

 

“What’s that?” he asked. “What… what… _what is that?”_

 

He half shouted the last words, lips curling up in a snarl. Staggering, he sank to the floor, hands over his ears. Frozen, Yaz let the sonic fall to her side, but it kept buzzing, at a higher and higher note.

 

Fin slammed into the glass again. Eyes wide, he slammed his fist into the window, over and over and over.

 

“They’re coming. They’re coming. _They’re coming, dear god_.”

 

The hum of the sonic got louder, pressing in on Yaz’s ears, combining with the yelling and banging into a horrible crescendo. Beside her, Ryan staggered back a few steps, his hands over his ears too. Kara stared unblinkingly at Fin, her fingers opening and closing uselessly.

 

Just when Yaz thought her head would explode from the noise, Fin screamed. A long, drawn out, terrified scream.

 

Yaz blinked.

 

“ _Bloody hell_ ,” shouted Ryan into the sudden silence.

 

The hum of the sonic screwdriver died out, and Yaz shoved it back into her pocket, staring at Fin’s room.

 

His empty room.

 

“Now you know why we call it the Vanishing Disease,” said Kara softly. She sighed. “Damn it. Another one. And we’re so close to finally cracking this thing.”

 

Ryan gaped at her. “How can you be so calm about this? A man just disappeared right in front of us!”

 

Kara shrugged. “I suppose that after watching hundreds of people do the exact same thing, you develop a bit of a callous. You have to, to a certain extent.”

 

“But what happened?” demanded Yaz. “We were watching him the entire time. People don’t just disappear, there has to be some sort of explanation to it.”

 

“Well, yes,” said Kara. “And if you can find it, I’m all ears. But for now, the best we’ve got is magic.”

 

“‘Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic,’” Yaz quoted under her breath.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing.” Yaz looked around at the room as the door to Fin’s alcove opened with an ominous hiss. The other nine occupants seemed completely unconcerned that one of their fellows had simply vanished after screaming inconsolably. Putting her hand back in her pocket, Yaz gripped the Doctor’s sonic, its weight comforting and reassuring in her hand. It was almost as if the Doctor was there with her, armed with knowledge and kindness. “Come on, Ryan. We should go back to the Doctor and Graham, tell them what happened.”

 

“Right…” said Ryan, still staring at the empty room. “We should do that, yeah.”

 

“Can you two find your way back by yourselves?” asked Kara. “I need to finish my rounds here and write a report on Fin.”

 

“Yeah, we’re good,” said Yaz, grabbing Ryan’s hand and starting to tow him towards the door.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“We’re totally lost.”

 

“No, we’re not,” insisted Yaz. “Look, I remember this hall, the room is just through here.”

 

“Yeah, you remember this place because all these halls look bloody identical,” retorted Ryan, folding his arms. “Face it. We have no idea where we are.”

 

“Fine. We’re lost,” Yaz said, throwing her hands up in the air. “And what’s your brilliant solution for that?”

 

“Find someone and ask for directions,” said Ryan. “We can’t be far.”

 

Yaz gestured for him to take the lead and he threw her a smug look. Walking confidently over to a door, Ryan opened it a crack, sticking his head around it.

 

“Hey, could you… oh.”

 

Yaz tapped her foot impatiently. “Well? Are you going to ask for directions? Or are you just going to stand there like a -”

 

“ _Shhhh_ ,” hissed Ryan, quickly closing the door to all but a crack. “Look at this.”

 

He shuffled a bit to let her in. Suspiciously, Yaz siddled in beside him, pressing her eye to the narrow crack.

 

Inside, the group of soldiers gave no indication that they had noticed the intrusion. Possibly because they were all focused on the man tied spread eagle on a surgical table in the middle of the room.

 

Eyes rolling madly, desperately, the man strained against his ties, screams muffled by a gag thrust between his teeth. Three soldiers lined up at the foot of his table, seemingly carved of white stone, the man’s struggles reflected in their helmet visors. Motionless, they stood, unaffected by his distress.

 

Yaz’s palms started sweating. Quickly, she wiped them on her jeans. As soon as she did so, the sweat popped out over her hands again, leaving them clammy. Footsteps echoed from outside of Yaz’s point of view, and she craned her neck to try to get a better look.

 

Another soldier stepped into view, holding something small. Carefully, the soldier tilted the man’s head to the left, ignoring the continued protests, and pressed the object to the area right below the man’s right ear. Instantly, he stilled, face slackening.

 

The three soldiers finally moved, stepping forward to release the man from the restraints. Slowly, the man sat up, calmly swinging his legs off the table, before standing. Mirroring the soldiers perfectly, the man stood at attention, his wrists still rubbed red from the ties.

 

There was nothing on his neck.

 

Suddenly, Ryan let out a strangled gasp, crashing into Yaz and knocking both of them to the ground. The door slammed open, spilling the two of them into the room. Horrified, Yaz looked up. The soldiers turned as one to regard them.

 

“Shit,” whispered Ryan.

 

“Well, don’t just lie there. _Run_ ,” shouted Yaz, pulling Ryan to his feet.

 

Scrambling down the hall in a random direction, they ran as quickly as their legs could take them, listening for echoing footsteps that would signal a pursuit.

 

“What way are you going?” shouted Ryan.

 

“I don’t know, just keep going,” said Yaz, taking a turn at random.

 

Right, left, left, right again. They ran for what felt like ages, Yaz’s muscles protesting the exertion, but she didn’t dare stop or slow.

 

“Yaz! Look!” Ryan skidded to a halt, pointing down another hall. At the end of it, a large, bold “C” was painted on the wall. “Come on!”

 

He took off down the hall, Yaz a step behind him. Counting the doors, he slammed on the brakes, coming to a halt before one that he wrenched open. Yaz piled in after him, slamming the door quickly.

 

Across the room, the Doctor stared at them, a puddle of something by her feet. Graham stood by the front of his room, a shocked look on his face. Yaz’s heart slammed in her ears, stuttering and struggling to stay under control as her lungs protested the sudden sprint. Beside her, Ryan bent over, panting hard, but she ignored him, ignored her body’s demands for oxygen, focusing on the Doctor.

 

“Doctor, you’re never going to guess what just happened. I think we’re in trouble. Big trouble.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey. hey tosin. hey. i bet you didnt think that anyone saw you making shadow puppets in the background of arachnids in the uk while the doctor was figuring out where the spiders converged in the lab. but i did. i saw that. you weirdo. you child. i love it. so now ryan makes shadow puppets all the time, sorry thats just how that works


	9. I’ve been waiting and I’ll keep waiting, only forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry im posting a little later in the day than i normally would, i was just super tired last night and thinking about willow so i went to bed hella early. also thanks to everyone who sent me love, i really do appreciate it, i just wasnt in a place to thank you in the comments personally. so ill thank you here. but anyways, new chapter so yay
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from only forever, by demi lovato

 

“What happened?” asked the Doctor, half running over to them and grabbing Yaz by the upper arms. “Tell me everything, no matter how small the detail.”

 

“Soldiers… something… stuck on the side of the neck… and Fin… disappeared, right in front of us,” gasped Yaz, the effects of the run finally catching up to her.

 

“... what?”

 

Yaz bent over, hands braced on her knees as she struggled to catch her breath. The Doctor looked at her strangely, then cast a quizzical glance at Ryan, who shook his head, still unable to speak from the run. She huffed.

 

“Take your time, guys, but hurry. It must be important.”

 

Nodding, Yaz took deep breaths, clutching the stitch in her side.

 

“We saw the soldiers tie up a man,” she said finally, straightening up. “They put some sort of device on his neck, then they let him go and he just stood up and didn’t resist anymore.”

 

The Doctor frowned. “Why?”

 

“I don’t know, Doctor,” said Ryan, now lying on the floor. “If that were me, I would have run screaming in the opposite direction once they let me up.”

 

“No, I mean why were you watching them tie up a man?” said the Doctor. “Doesn’t make sense. If they’re doing something shady here, I doubt they would have let you just watch.”

 

“Oh. It was kind of an accident, actually,” admitted Ryan. “We were trying to get back here without Kara because she had to write a report on someone who died and Yaz here-” He lifted his head to glare at her. “-took us down the wrong way.”

 

“Speaking of, here.” Yaz took the sonic out of her pocket and handed it to the Doctor, ignoring Ryan’s dig. “I hope it got the readings you wanted.”

 

The Doctor took it back, turning it over in her hands distractedly. “Thanks. Were you lot followed back here?”

 

“Dunno. Don’t think so,” said Yaz. “How are you getting on? Did you find out much while we were gone?”

 

An odd look passed over the Doctor’s face, and she cast a quick glance at Graham before turning back to Yaz.

 

“A bit, yeah. I think I’ve figured out what the prions and phages are doing.”

 

“Well, that was quick,” commented Ryan. “Don’t explain it though, I doubt we’d understand it.”

 

“What do you mean, ‘quick’?” said Graham. “It feels like it’s been forever.”

 

Ryan laughed, pushing himself up off the floor. “Oh stop complaining, Grandad. You’re just saying that because you’re stuck there. It’s only been a couple of minutes.”

 

The Doctor ran over to Ryan and grabbed his face, peering into his eyes, a small crinkle in her brow. “Ryan, are you feeling alright?”

 

“Fine,” he said, pushing her away. “Why?”

 

“Could you repeat what you just said, please?” the Doctor said, pulling a pen light from somewhere and shining it in his face.

 

“Oi, quit it,” Ryan told her, batting her hand away. “And I said I was fine and asked you why. Are you sure _you’re_ feeling alright?”

 

“Ryan, how long has it been since you left us?” asked the Doctor, a note of urgency in her voice.

 

He frowned. “I don’t know. Maybe thirty minutes?”

 

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” said Yaz, watching the Doctor with amusement. As soon as she spoke, though, the Doctor released Ryan and spun around to shine the light in her eyes. “Oi! What’s that for?”

 

“Yaz, Ryan, son, it hasn’t been a couple of minutes since you two left,” said Graham quietly. “It’s been more like a couple of hours.”

 

“Ha ha, Graham,” said Ryan. “Could you stop being so overdramatic? We get it; you’re bored, but don’t worry, you’ll be out soon.”

 

“I’ll leave the dramatics to the Doc, ta very much,” said Graham, annoyed. “I’m being serious. You’ve been gone for hours.”

 

“Doctor, could you please tell him…” Ryan stopped mid sentence at the Doctor’s grave expression. “Oh my god. You’re serious.”

 

“Ryan, Yaz, I need you two to tell me _exactly_ what happened,” said the Doctor, running her sonic over them. “What bit of time might be a little fuzzy, a little hazy. Something that you thought you might have seen out of the corner of your eye, or maybe something that happened too quickly for you to really see.”

 

“Are we sick?” Yaz asked quietly. The Doctor lowered her sonic, not meeting her eyes. “Doctor, Kara said that one of the symptoms is not knowing where you are. Do you think we’re sick?”

 

“No. The sonic isn’t picking up any prions or phages of interest in you,” said the Doctor. “Could be a perception filter. Or some sort of time distorter. Which is why I need you to answer me. Is there anything you don’t remember exactly?”

 

“I don’t know,” said Yaz, frustrated. “Everything seems so linear. There’s no missing time, _nothing_.”

 

“Same here,” said Ryan.

 

The Doctor turned around, staring at her sonic.

 

“There’s a way I could look,” murmured the Doctor. “But maybe I shouldn’t… no. We need to know.” She turned back to Yaz, uncertainty painting her face. “There’s a way I can look, see what parts have been skimmed over in your mind. But I won’t do it without your permission. So I suppose the question is: do you trust me?”

 

A weight pressed on Yaz’s chest, making her heart flutter and pound against it. As she met the Doctor’s eyes, the weight ballooned and swelled.

 

“Of course I trust you,” Yaz said.

 

The Doctor smiled crookedly. “You don’t even know what I’m going to do.”

 

“Doesn’t matter.” Yaz shrugged. “I trust you, Doctor.”

 

“Alright.” The Doctor stepped closer to Yaz and put her hands on her temples, cradling Yaz’s head gently. Her eyes slid shut in concentration and Yaz temporarily forgot how to breathe. “This won’t hurt. If I get too close to something you don’t want me to see, though, just push me away.”

 

“Hold on, Doc,” started Graham. “What are you do -”

 

Graham’s voice faded to nothing. A presence echoed in Yaz’s head, a new, unfamiliar presence that somehow felt like home. As it moved through Yaz’s mind, a litany of visions flashed by, each lasting an eternity and a second.

 

_The Doctor stood in the sunlight, framed by rays of light as she frowned at the forcefield. She smiled, seeming to glow._

 

_They ran for their lives, the Doctor’s hand in hers. Terror pounded through her veins, mingling with excitement and the knowledge that there was nowhere else in the universe that she would rather be. Even with the Doctor’s grasp sending spikes of pain up her arm, she lived for these moments of adventure. It was the reason why she had become a police officer; she had always been searching for the thrill of the chase, coupled with the ability to help people no matter their situation in life._

 

_A young, blonde girl laughed, her hair whipping around her face as they lay on grass that smelled of apples. She was only nineteen and human, but living,_ **_surviving_** _, was worth it for the moments when she smiled. Maybe life after the desolation wasn’t a curse, but the gift, the ability, to be here, in New New York, with her._

 

_The Doctor threw off her coat and Ryan sank down next to her, head leaning back against Graham’s-_

 

_No. Not that._

 

The presence acquiesced, backing away, and the memory faded, replaced by another.

 

_The Doctor woke her up, freeing her from the grasps of a nightmare. Terrified, she clung tighter to the Doctor’s hand, to the Doctor’s continued presence, a ward against the darkness that threatened to swallow her._

 

_Another nineteen year old human girl curled up closer to her, asleep in a deep, dreamless slumber. Gently, she tightened her grip around her shoulders, burying her nose in the top of her head, closing her eyes to breath in the scent of her hair. This was dangerous, she shouldn’t be doing this, yet she couldn’t help but try to protect this girl from the crushing loneliness she knew all too well. The crushing loneliness she had known ever since she had been that young boy in an empty barn, all alone._

 

_She pushed something on the sonic and it activated, letting out a high pitched whine. As the man behind the glass screamed, her limbs froze. Something pushed on them, holding them in place, forcing her to watch the man scream more and more. Falling down, the man’s body started convulsing, spit frothing and foaming at his mouth. The scream continued, for hours and hours and hours, but now it sounded strangled, desperate, painful. Then, the man’s body melted. She couldn’t think of any other way to describe it, the man’s flesh and bones sloughing away and into a puddle that resolidified into a shape, a creature. A slimy, indistinct creature that flowed away into the air vent. Suddenly, the pressure lifted and she blinked. No time had passed. The man had simply vanished._

 

Yaz gasped and stumbled backwards, her mind reeling from the rush of memories. The Doctor looked unaffected, standing with a calm, blank expression, lowering her hands slowly to her sides.

 

“What the hell did you do?” asked Ryan, jumping forward to steady Yaz. “ _How_ did you do that?”

 

“I’m a touch telepath,” said the Doctor, a faraway, puzzled look replacing the blank one. “It was simple, really.”

 

“Telepath? You mean, you read her mind?” said Graham. “Bloody hell, Doc, why didn’t you tell us you could do that before?”

 

“I didn’t read her mind, Graham,” said the Doctor. “The mind isn’t a book. I just went through some of her memories of the past day or so, looking for any abnormalities or distortions. And there’s a lot you don’t know about me. This just happened to be one of those things that never came up.”

 

“Anything else we should know about you that just never came up?” asked Graham uneasily.

 

“Oh, I’m sure there’s loads,” said the Doctor, still distracted by whatever she had seen in Yaz’s mind. “But we don’t have the time to go into all of it. Besides, I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about this. We’ve met plenty of telepaths. And my ship has telepathic controls. Why should it matter that I’m a telepath too?”

 

Graham opened his mouth to respond, then, thinking better of it, shut it again. The Doctor paid him no mind. Blinking heavily, Yaz shook her head to clear it of the fog, then pulled herself out of Ryan’s steadying grip.

 

“Are you alright?” he asked quietly, hand hovering near her elbow, ready to catch her again.

 

“Yeah,” she said slowly. “Yeah. I’m good.” Turning to the Doctor, Yaz felt apprehension bubble up. “Did you see everything I saw?”

 

“Most of it, yes,” said the Doctor. “I stayed away from your deeper subconscious, your more personal thoughts and emotions and just looked at some of your memories. Those are easier to access, even if they are colored by your perception bias.”

 

“And?” demanded Ryan. “Did you find something?”

 

“Fin… oh god, Fin,” whispered Yaz. “Doctor, what _happened_?”

 

“I was right,” muttered the Doctor. “I didn’t want to be right, but I was. Uch, I _hate_ it when that happens.”

 

“Right about what?” Ryan said. The Doctor sighed.

 

“About the prions and phages. They’re not killing people. They’re _mutating_ them, changing them into something else.” The Doctor shook her head. “I started thinking it when I got some of the test results back. What Yaz saw just confirms it.”

 

“What did Fin change into, though?” asked Yaz. “And where did it go?”

 

“I don’t know,” said the Doctor. “I have no context for what species is doing this. But good question. As for your other question…” She lifted the sonic to her ear, listening intently. “Yes! Oh Yaz, you’re brilliant.”

 

“Why’s that, Doc?” asked Graham, amusement creeping into his voice.

 

“Because she kept the sonic running while Fin transformed,” said the Doctor, spinning in place, sonic still next to her ear. “And I think… yes! It’s got a lock on the creature’s residual transformational energy. Come on, gang!”

 

She started running towards the door, grabbing her coat and throwing it on hastily.

 

“Hey! Wait!” shouted Graham. At his shout, the Doctor stopped in her tracks. “Don’t leave me here!”

 

He banged on the still deadlocked door to illustrate his point. The Doctor huffed.

 

“Graham, you’ve still got several hours to go before that door unlocks,” she said, running back over to him. “And this signal isn’t going to last that long. If we want to stop this, if we want to find out who’s doing this, we need to go _now_.”

 

“What if those soldiers come here before you lot get back, though?” asked Graham. “They might turn me into one of them, and I won’t have that, Doc, I won’t have that. I’m not turning into a drone.”

 

“You’ll be fine,” she said. “Don’t forget, this deadlock goes both ways. You can’t get out, but they also can’t get in. But if it makes you feel better, here.” She pointed her sonic at the handle. “Now that door won’t open until I get back. Also, make yourself useful.” Quickly, she put the papers she had been going through into a slot that fed into Graham’s room. “Look for anything fishy. Anything that stands out in those records. Okay?”

 

“I guess but -”

 

“Brilliant.” The Doctor spun to the door again. “Ryan, Yaz, with me. We’re going to find out what’s going on, once and for all.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know ive been promising answer for like.... ever. but seriously. the doctors right. youll find out whats going on in the next chapter so stay tuned
> 
> also, leave a kudos or a comment! please! i love you guys!


	10. If you were my last breath, I’d just wanna hold ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i... um. am slightly drunk right now. ok really drunk right now. BUT IM STILL POSTING A CHAPTER YAY. i am a high functioning drunk. just giggly at how yall are gonna feel about this chapter. please like it. ilove this chapter
> 
> chapter title from last shot by kip moore

The Doctor strode along the hall, her coat tails flapping behind her as she listened intently to her sonic. Yaz and Ryan hurried along in her wake, half running to keep up with her leading them further and further into the bowels of the hospital.

 

As the Doctor led them further down, the halls began to change from white and sterile to grungy concrete cinder blocks. Lights flickered unsteadily, an electric hum coming from the bulbs.

 

“Why do I feel like I’m in a horror movie?” grumbled Ryan. “Shouldn’t the future have better architecture designs than something out of a cheap 70’s movie?”

 

“Some things never go out of vogue,” said the Doctor. “Dark, creepy corridors being one of them. Remind me to tell you lot about New New York and the hospital there at some point.”

 

Yaz started. New New York. She could have sworn that she’d never heard that name before. Yet it sparked a foreign memory, a hazy memory that lingered just out of reach. A memory of apples, of all things.

 

A shadow rustled against the wall and all three of them spun, the Doctor holding her sonic up in warning. Tensed, Yaz’s heartbeat magnified, blood pulsing through her head. Then, a squeak sounded, along with a scitter and she relaxed slightly.

 

“Probably just a rat or something,” Yaz said.

 

“Probably,” echoed the Doctor, lowering the sonic slowly, her eyes scanning the shadows. “Come on.”

 

She motioned towards the darker edge of the hall, walking at a slower pace now, still warily watching the shifting shadows.

 

“We must be fifty feet below the surface now,” said Ryan. “How deep does this building go?”

 

“A lot deeper, most likely,” said the Doctor. “I don’t think we have to go much further, though.”

 

“Brilliant.”

 

The Doctor ignored him, crouching down next to a manhole cover. Frowning, she ran the sonic around it, looking at the readings.

 

“I think we’re here, guys.”

 

“Not sure if I should be excited about that,” said Yaz. Suddenly, the Doctor wrenched the cover off, revealing a dark shaft with a ladder leading down it. The smell of metal pipes and stale water drifted up. “Oh. Yeah, no. Definitely not excited.”

 

“Well, who wants to go first?” asked the Doctor, standing up and peering into the gloom.

 

Frozen, Yaz shook her head slightly, the fragments of the dream from last night echoing in her mind. Casting a quick glance at her, Ryan sighed.

 

“I will. Why does it always have to be ladders, though?”

 

As Ryan disappeared down the ladder, the Doctor put a hand on Yaz’s arm.

 

“You know, you don’t have to come with us,” she murmured. “There’s no shame in turning back. You could help Graham go through those files.”

 

With a great effort, Yaz tore her eyes away from the gaping hole to look at her. She shook her head.

 

“No. I’m not leaving you, Doctor. Or Ryan. Not now, not ever.”

 

The Doctor gave her a small smile. “As you wish.”

 

Putting her sonic between her teeth, the Doctor climbed down the ladder too. Peering over the edge, Yaz saw a light flick on as she pulled a torch out from one of her pockets.

 

_Now or never, Yaz._

 

She took a steadying breath, then, before she could talk herself out of it, clambered down the ladder. Bits of flaking paint stuck to her hands as she moved down it. Landing heavily at the bottom, she wiped her hands against her jeans, trying to get the paint chips off.

 

“I thought this colony was new,” Yaz commented. “Why is the ladder rusty?”

 

Ryan laughed, the sound bouncing off the walls. “Come on, Yaz. We can’t track a mysterious creature that used to be a human without the right ambiance. It’s for the aesthetic. Sets the mood.”

 

“Or, maybe the moisture in the air rusted the metal quickly,” said the Doctor, shining the light around the long tunnel. “Just because this colony is new doesn’t mean the buildings are.” She smiled. “But I will admit, it does set the tone nicely. This way, I think.”

 

She used the light to gesture down one direction, bouncing the beam over the walls as she walked forward. Without a word, Ryan came up next to Yaz, catching her hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. She squeezed it back, then let go, releasing some of the tension in her shoulders along with Ryan’s hand.

 

“ _Get down_ ,” hissed the Doctor suddenly, flattening herself against the wall and turning off her torch. With a jolt, Yaz heard footsteps of people marching in time with each other reverberating off the walls get closer and mirrored the Doctor, pressing close to her shoulder. Ryan did the same on her other side, his breaths moving Yaz’s hair just enough to tickle her cheek.

 

At the intersection between two tunnels, two soldiers appeared, heads glued forward. They clanked past without spotting the three pressed against the wall, obviously intent on their destination.

 

“How much do you want to bet that we’re going to follow them?” Yaz whispered to Ryan.

 

“I’m not taking that bet,” he responded, equally as quietly.

 

“Probably a smart move, Ryan. Take ten points,” whispered the Doctor. “Come on. But stay out of sight of those two.”

 

As if to illustrate her point, the Doctor slunk after the soldiers, staying crouched and against the wall. Yaz snorted quietly to herself. If those two bothered to look behind them, they would see the not very sneaky Doctor in an instant. It wasn’t like there was any place for her to hide in the narrow, straight tunnel. Yet they didn’t turn around, instead leading them deeper and deeper into the maze of tunnels.

 

After several minutes of silent walking, the tunnel abruptly stopped, giving way to a cavernous chamber that the soldiers entered. Beckoning Ryan and Yaz forward, the Doctor crouched behind a pile of bricks by the entrance, peering cautiously over to observe.

 

Hundreds of soldiers swarmed in front of them, pieces of strange metal planks in their hands. The ceiling dripped stalactites, the noise of soldiers’ movements and activities swirling through them. With flood lights hanging from the walls, the place felt like a giant warehouse.

 

Yaz frowned. Fifty conveyor belts ran through the room, allowing soldiers to swarm the products on them, assembling items piece by piece. It looked almost like they were on an assembly line for tanks. But no tank was ever that small - the completed, bell shaped, lower compartments were not big enough for a crew. In fact, they were barely big enough for one person.

 

Beside her, the Doctor stiffened. Her hands curled into fists on the brick pile, but her face gave no indication of her feelings. Instead, she wore a studiously calm expression, as if making an effort to rein in her emotions, to stay in control.

 

Uneasy, Yaz turned her attention back to the soldiers. As she watched, one pair of soldiers in front of her hefted a rod in their hands and started screwing it into a slot in the front of the tank. A very familiar looking rod…

 

“Ryan. Yaz,” whispered the Doctor. “I need you two to start backing away. Very. Slowly.”

 

Ryan looked at her questioningly. “Why? We still haven’t found out what the soldiers are doing. Or how they connect to the Vanishing Disease.”

 

“Oh, I think we have,” said the Doctor. “Please don’t argue, just go -”

 

**“Report. Report.”**

 

A mechanically altered voice screeched through the air, halting activity for a moment. Then, the crush of soldiers parted, letting something roll through their midst. Something that made a muscle start twitching in the Doctor’s temple. Something that sent fingers of fear crawling through Yaz’s spine. Something that had been haunting her dreams for weeks.

 

The Dalek stared imperiously around it, its eye stalk moving up and down as it surveyed the soldiers.

 

“On second thought,” said the Doctor. “I think we need to stay still. Very, very still.”

 

“... good idea,” whispered Ryan, the blood draining from his face.

 

A soldier with three bars on the arm plate stepped up to it and snapped off a salute. “We are on track for our production goals, sir.”

 

Yaz shivered. The soldier’s voice distorter clamored in her ears, uncomfortably similar to the Dalek’s voice.

 

**“Excellent. Excellent. The Dalek fleet will be rebuilt. Then we shall exterminate all who is not Dalek.”**

 

At the Dalek’s words, activity resumed, soldiers seeming unconcerned with the Dalek’s presence and its pronouncement. It rolled closer to one conveyor, as if to supervise two soldiers carefully lifting the top compartment onto an empty Dalek shell. They stepped back, the new Dalek exoskeleton shiny, glossy, and menacing in the light, waiting for the creature to activate it.

 

**“Alert. Alert. There is an emergency.”**

 

Another Dalek rolled into the room, flanked by two more. Yaz’s breath caught in her throat, the air seeming to disappear from the room. One Dalek was bad enough. And they had just barely, _barely_ , been able to defeat that one on New Years. What chance did they have against four? Or, if this original Dalek was to be believed, even more?

 

**“What is wrong?”** said the first Dalek.

 

**“The Doctor is here. The Doctor is working against the Daleks. He has disappeared. We must find the Doctor and exterminate him.”** The Dalek’s eyestalk waved up and down with its words, its two rods spinning and whirring slightly, as if to emphasize the severity of the Dalek’s words.

 

**“Agreed. The Doctor is an enemy of the Daleks. The Doctor must be exterminated. Commencing scan for binary vascular system.”**

 

The Doctor cursed under her breath.

 

“Both of you, stay down,” she hissed.

 

Yaz’s heart dropped.

 

“No, don’t,” she said, grabbing the Doctor’s arm desperately. “Don’t you dare.”

 

“Doctor, whatever you have in mind, forget it,” added Ryan. “We need you, you can’t -”

 

“ _Down_ ,” the Doctor emphasized. Then, she wrenched her arm out of Yaz’s grip and vaulted over the brick pile. “Oi! Looking for me?”

 

The Daleks turned as one to her and Ryan and Yaz quickly dropped further out of sight. Crouched on the ground, Yaz snuck a glance around the corner of the pile hiding her, her heart thundering a frantic gallop against her breastbone. The Doctor stood defiant, tall and proud as the Daleks surveyed her.

 

**“Identify. Identify.”**

 

The Doctor rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, dudes. You lot were just talking about exterminating me. I know you’re not exactly the brightest, but surely even you can put two and two together.”

 

**“You are the Doctor?”**

 

“The one and only.” She gave a sarcastic, shallow bow. “And I’m not a man anymore, FYI. Regeneration is such a lottery. But I do think I came out ahead this time, though.”

 

**“The Doctor has identified.”**

 

**“Exterminate. Exterminate.”**

 

**“Exterminate.** **_Exterminate_** **.”**

 

The Daleks’ blasters started to glow. Yaz braced for the coming blast, wanting to hide her face. But she forced herself to watch, to stay with the Doctor until the end. Then, the glow snuffed out, leaving the Doctor unharmed.

 

The Doctor groaned, shoving her hands in her pockets and leaning slightly backwards. “Did you really think that would work? That I would just show myself and wait for you lot to kill me? Please.” She pulled her sonic out of her pocket and wiggled it at the Daleks. “I picked up a nifty little trick a couple of weeks ago. Should jam your blasters for a couple of minutes.”

 

**“Surrender, Doctor. You cannot win. You will be exterminated.”**

 

“Are we really going to do this again?” asked the Doctor, exasperated. “I swear, every time. Every time! I come in, you shout ‘Exterminate,’ me and my mates figure out your plan, we stop you, I think you’re gone forever, and then you lot pop up like cockroaches to start the cycle all over again. Do you want to just cut to the chase where I give you a final warning before stopping you? Or better yet, hit the self destruct button. Save me some time.”

 

**“You cannot stop us this time, Doctor. Daleks are supreme. Daleks will exter-”**

 

“Yeah, yeah, exterminate, I got it the first million times you yelled it.” The Doctor sauntered over to the recently completed Dalek shell, examining her reflection in it. “I must say, though, working with humans? Not very Dalek like. Even if the humans are soldiers. What are you using on them, by the way? Neural control? Smart. Also, using phages to turn humans into Daleks? Genius. I’ll admit it. But that certainly wasn’t a Dalek idea. You lot don’t have ideas. You’re soldiers. So. Who are you working with? Who engineered the phages and prions for you?”

 

The Daleks remained silent, tracking her movements. The Doctor sighed.

 

“No? Alright. Well, lovely chat, you lot. If there’s no objections, though, I’ll be off. Lots to do to get rid of you this time.”

 

**“You shall not leave.”**

 

“No?” The Doctor lifted an eyebrow. “And how do you propose to stop me? Your blasters should still be offline for at least another minute.”

 

**“You forget. We have the human soldiers.”**

 

The Doctor paused. “Right. _Right_. Wow, I do tend to talk a lot, don’t I? Run my mouth, forget what’s around me.” She started backing up towards the entrance of the tunnel. As she did so, the soldiers began putting down their equipment and edging towards her. “That’s a good piece of advice, Doctor: remember what’s around you. Also, incidentally, a good piece of advice for you lot too.” She grinned, holding up her sonic. “Heads up.”

 

A loud rumble sounded from the ceiling. The Daleks lifted their eyestalks up just in time to jerk out of the way of a huge stalactite falling. Back pedalling, the Doctor stumbled over to the brick pile and grabbed Yaz’s hand.

 

“Bye!” she shouted at the Daleks before turning and dragging Yaz towards the exit. “Oooh, no, I should have just stuck with heads up - that’s a much more dramatic exit line. Now, _run_.”

 

Behind them, the Daleks shrieked. Yaz did her best to ignore them, focusing on keeping up with the Doctor as the ground shook beneath her feet from the force of the stalactites hitting the ground at a faster and faster rate.

 

“Doctor, do you know how to get out of here?” shouted Ryan.

 

“Nope!” The Doctor took a random turn. “We can figure that out later. Just run!”

 

Ryan groaned. “Why does that sound familiar?”

 

Yaz chanced a look back and her stomach lept into her mouth. Gaining quickly on them, a Dalek glided along the ground, trailed by two soldiers.

 

“Doctor!”

 

“I see, I see!” the Doctor said, taking another turn.

 

**“Exterminate.”**

 

“Oi! Shut up!” shouted Ryan.

 

“Don’t antagonize it, Ryan,” the Doctor called.

 

“You’re one to talk!”

 

The Doctor didn’t respond, jerking down another tunnel. Their footsteps filling the space with harsh noise, they continued to run, Yaz’s legs and lungs protesting the second hard run of the day. The twists and turns flew by, leaving Yaz utterly lost. The only thing she could do was put one foot in front of the other, eyes focused on the Doctor’s hair and coat streaming back.

 

Then, there were no more turns to take.

 

“No!” The Doctor banged uselessly on the thick, concrete wall, as if hoping that her touch would turn the dead end into a secret passage. But the wall remained stubbornly there.

 

The Doctor spun on her heel, intending to run back the way they came. But a Dalek rounded the corner, blocking the only exit. Frantically, Yaz searched the ceiling and walls for a weapon, for a way out, for something.

 

Nothing.

 

As the Dalek advanced, the Doctor backed into the dead end, drawing Ryan and Yaz behind her, shielding them with her arms.

 

“Doctor…” Ryan began. “Can’t you do that thing with the blaster again?”

 

“No, Ryan, sorry. That was a one time use,” said the Doctor. “They’ll be able to counter it, now.”

 

“But you’ve got something, right? You’ve always got something up your sleeve.”

 

The Doctor looked at him and bowed her head. “No. I’m sorry, guys.”

 

Yaz squeezed her hand. “It’s okay.”

 

The Dalek advanced slowly now, knowing they had nowhere to go. Desperately, the Doctor turned to Yaz, eyes wide.

 

“Yaz, I -”

 

**“Exterminate. Exterminate.”**

 

Yaz screwed her eyes shut as the Doctor threw herself over them, pushing them to the ground, covering them with her own body. Burying her face in the Doctor’s shoulder, she felt a flash of regret for everything left unsaid, all the loose ends in her life. A blast sounded in the tunnel, and Yaz clung tighter to the Doctor’s warm body, content in the fact that her last moments would be in the arms of the woman she cared for, even though her family would wonder forever what had happened to her -

 

Yaz blinked. She should be dead by now. Why weren’t they dead?

 

Cautiously, the Doctor cracked an eye open and pulled back to turn towards the Dalek. It sat smoking, an empty shell, the entire top half blown to smithereens.

 

“What?” The Doctor hopped to her feet, staring at the Dalek’s remains.

 

Using the wall as a support, Yaz pushed herself up then jumped in surprise. A soldier with two black bars on the arm stood behind the Dalek’s carcass, lowering a smouldering gun.

 

The Doctor shifted her gaze to the soldier. “What?!”

 

Slowly, the soldier turned to face them. Ryan gaped at the soldier, pushing himself shakily to his feet. Reaching up, the soldier removed their helmet, revealing a woman with large, curly blond hair and a cocky smile.

 

The Doctor’s jaw dropped. “ _What?_ ”

 

The cocky smile grew as the woman made eye contact with the Doctor.

 

“Hello, sweetie.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will now accept screams in the comments


	11. It could practically write itself and let's pray it does, cause as I may have mentioned, I have no clue what I'm doing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i high key did not expect to be uploading a chapter today because i was REALLY stressed out this morning about today and the amount of homework i had. but i got one subject done a lot faster than i anticipated so to reward myself for being a competent human being, i decided to upload today. now off to deal with the rest of my life.......
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from watch what happens, from newsies. it is my mood for today.

Graham tossed the papers the Doctor had given him aside with a sigh. There was a reason he had become a bus driver and not a scientist; all these technical terms combined with medical jargon made his eyes hurt and his head spin. All in all, he would much rather connect with electric, vibrant people going from one place to another than to stare at their chemical makeup on a piece of paper, so flat and dull and sterile.

 

But the Doctor was counting on him to find something.

 

Reluctantly, Graham picked them up again, rifling through the charts and graphs, scanning the headings.

 

_R. Goodall. Brought in 27/3/98. Signs/symptoms: confusion, rash spreading across chest and proximal arms, excessive sneezing. See attached bio assay. Confirmed contraction of disease. Presumed deceased: 27/3/98._

 

_B. Harper. Brought in 27/3/98. Signs/symptoms: fatigue, amnesia, violence, hypothermia. See attached bio assay. Confirmed contraction of disease. Presumed deceased: 27/3/98._

 

_K. Michaels. Brought in 27/3/98. Signs/symptoms: sepsis, fever, short term memory loss, infected laceration on distal, medial end of left arm. See attached bio assay. Unconfirmed contraction of disease. Released: 29/3/98._

 

_D. Butler. Brought in 28/3/98. Signs/symptoms: inability to communicate, excessive sneezing, excessive coughing, fever. See attached bio assay. Confirmed contraction of disease. Presumed deceased: 28/3/98._

 

Wrinkling his nose, Graham dropped the papers again. Honestly, he didn’t really know what he was looking for. After all, the Doctor had barely taken the time to tell him to look for something fishy before running out the door with Yaz and Ryan. Fishy. What did she mean by _fishy_? Everything about this was fishy.

 

He cast a longing glance towards the stubbornly closed door, wishing it would open. Wishing the Doctor and Ryan and Yaz would burst through it, tell him that everything was okay and they were going to leave. Wishing that he wasn’t stuck here, while his family went up against who knew what without him to look out for them. Wishing he didn’t flinch every time a machine beeped or the pipes groaned, waiting on tenterhooks for soldiers to come kill him for Ryan and Yaz interrupting their ceremony with that man.

 

The minutes had slipped slowly by, bringing him agonizingly within reach of freedom. But once his mandatory quarantine was up, without the Doctor to release the door, he would be stuck there. And even if he could get out before they got back, he would still have to stay there. Graham wouldn’t dare go looking for them; they could be anywhere and he had no indication of where to start looking, or what he might inadvertently stumble across.

 

It also didn’t help that going through the records was depressing. For every person that was released, a hundred more had the words _presumed deceased_ tacked on to the end of their file. Sighing, Graham flipped through the papers again, stopping on a random one.

 

_E. Chambers. Brought in 11/6/98. Signs/symptoms: excessive sneezing, excessive sweat production. See attached bio assay. Confirmed contraction of disease. Presumed deceased: 12/6/98._

 

_T. Adams. Brought in 12/6/98. Signs/symptoms: fever. See attached bio assay. Confirmed clear of disease. Released 13/6/98._

 

Graham dropped the papers to his lap, spacing out in the general direction of the wall. Frustrated, he let his mind wander back towards his memories of Grace.

 

_Wait a second._

 

With a jolt, Graham shot back upright, frantically searching through the papers for the one that had triggered a tiny suspicion. A suspicion about the wording of something…

 

The door opened. With a start, Graham leapt to his feet, clutching a paper like a shield in front of him.

 

Kara stopped in her tracks, looking quizzically at him. “Expecting someone else?”

 

“Oh. No, sorry,” said Graham, lowering the paper sheepishly. “You just gave me a bit of a turn, that’s all.”

 

“Sorry. Should have announced myself.” Kara smiled at him. “How are you feeling?”

 

“... fantastic.”

 

“Good,” said Kara. “Anything you’ve noticed? Anything at all?”

 

Graham shook his head. “No. Nothing.”

 

Kara smiled. “Well, I can’t say this officially until twenty four hours are up, but I think you’ll be just fine. Congratulations.”

 

“Thanks, Kara.”

 

“Of course.” Kara glanced around the room. “Where’s the Doctor? I was hoping to talk to her. Also, did Yaz and Ryan make it back okay? I would have walked them back, but I had other business to attend to.”

 

Graham blinked, his mind blank.

 

“Bathroom,” he blurted.

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah, bathroom,” Graham said, faking an air of confidence. “They all just nipped out to the bathroom. Ryan and Yaz and the Doctor, that is.”

 

“All three of them. At once?”

 

“... yes.”

 

“Alright.” Kara settled in to a chair. “Guess I’ll wait for them to get back, then.”

 

“No! You shouldn’t,” said Graham. Kara frowned at his words and he hurried to amend them. “I mean, I think they’ll be a while. Ate something funny, you know how it is on these new planets. Maybe it was something in the water. But anyway, they’ll be a while. Don’t bother waiting for them. Because they’ll be… a while.”

 

Kara sighed, leaning forward. “Graham, what’s going on?”

 

Graham laughed, his nerves making it slightly higher pitched than normal. “Nothing. What makes you think there’s something going on?”

 

“Because you’ve already lied to me about being in the Time Agency,” she said wryly. “Don’t bother denying it, Ryan told me. And now they’re not here, even though there are bathrooms in the rooms you lot slept in, and you’re acting weird. So, what’s going on?”

 

Graham cast a glance at the bathrooms, cursing his inability to lie. Another reason why he had become a bus driver, not a politician or an actor. Or even a military man, like Kara’s father. Graham had known so many of his friends to sign up; it was the military or the mines, for most. But the mines didn’t appeal to him and the military forced you to become a man who kept secrets, a man who was comfortable in combat. At least Captain Michaels seemed a decent man - Graham couldn’t say the same for others he knew who had enlisted.

 

Michaels…

 

“Hey, Kara?” he said suddenly, turning to riffle through the papers again. “What do you write on the form when someone doesn’t have the Vanishing Disease?”

 

She frowned. “Confirmed clear of disease. Why?”

 

Graham nodded, excitement building in him as he found the paper he was looking for. “Right. So you wouldn’t write out, ‘ _unconfirmed contraction of disease,_ ’ instead?”

 

“No. That’s really vague and unclear. Something like that shouldn’t be going in a medical record. You either had the disease, or you didn’t. There’s no in between.”

 

“And you haven’t figured out a cure for anyone, right?”

 

Kara sighed. “You know we haven’t. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have asked the Doctor to help. Where are you going with this?”

 

“So, why -” He turned the paper around and pinned it against the glass so that she could read it. “-why would someone write that out here? See, look. Unconfirmed contraction of disease.”

 

Kara got up, frowning at the paper. “I don’t -”

 

“And look at the name.” Graham peeled it back off the glass, taking a quick glance at the top. “K. Michaels. Captain Michaels is your father. Is that you?”

 

“Can’t be,” she whispered. “I never had the disease. I was never placed under quarantine.”

 

“It says you had sepsis…. What does sepsis mean?” asked Graham.

 

“Infection of the blood,” Kara said immediately.

 

“And how would you treat that?”

 

“Antibiotics, mainly. But the problem is that you also need to be aware of the infection spreading to other places in the body and killing or hurting the tissue there. It’s almost always fatal if you don’t seek medical attention quickly.”

 

Graham lifted an eyebrow. “Would it potentially affect your memory? Or maybe would the treatment for sepsis affect the Vanishing Disease?”

 

“I…” Kara trailed off, staring at the medical record. “I don’t think so. I don’t… I don’t know.”

 

“How did you become septic, Kara?” asked Graham, reading the report properly now, trying to make sense of the more in depth, technical terms listed on the bioassay.

 

“I… I…”

 

Frowning, Graham ran his finger down the list of terms. _WBC, RBC, lymphocytes, neutrophils, albumen, globulin, urea nitrogen… what do these numbers mean? Results, reference range, g/dL?_

 

Graham lowered the paper, looking at Kara in concern. “Are you alright?”

 

Sinking down into a chair carefully, Kara put a hand to her head. “When’s the Doctor getting back?”

 

“I don’t know. Why?”

 

“Because I think I need to talk to her.” Kara swallowed heavily. “Because I think there’s something wrong with this entire situation. With me.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone, i present to you graham "steve jobs" o'brien, the master of sneak. not. 
> 
> um just some notes about those medical records:  
> i dont actually know what a human medical record looks like. and its been a couple of years since i worked in an animal hospital. but like.... i needed them to give specific information and thats how i chose to do it. just go with it. also, those terms that graham was looking at from the bloodwork? those were all terms i stole from one of our horse's blood work. again. i dont know humans. lol
> 
> also everything that graham was thinking about the mines or the military... idk if thats actually how its like in sheffield. but i know thats how it is in some parts of rural america so thats what i based it on. and google wasnt helpful in that regard. if its actually not like that.... forgive a stupid american for not knowing a lot of british culture.
> 
> next chapter will hopefully be up soon. i don't want to guarantee friday, but i promise ill work as hard as i can to make it friday. now off to cry over chemistry, leave a comment or kudos to alleviate the tears. bye!


	12. When you say my name in the middle of the day, I swear I see the stars come out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, im finally giving you what you want. so i wont talk too much up here. youre welcome.
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from long hot summer by keith urban

 

“Not to sound ungrateful, or anything, but who are you?” asked Ryan. “And how did you do that?”

 

“That?” The woman glanced at the smoking Dalek. “Oh, I have my ways. Don’t ask me to give away all my secrets, though. Then I’ll have nothing to flaunt. Well, except these.”

 

She gestured to her chest, smirking at the shocked look on Ryan’s face.

 

“Speaking of flaunting, this armor is really uncomfortable. Give me a mo?” She didn’t wait for any of them to respond, instead unabashedly stripping the armor off. Yaz blushed as the armor fell away, revealing an ample chest in a tight, low cut shirt, tight pants, and a thigh holster. Putting her gun into the holster, the woman ran her fingers through her hair, fluffing it up slightly. “Much better.”

 

Ryan blinked, confused, then shut his jaw with a click. “Right. But-”

 

“What the _bloody hell_ are you doing here?” demanded the Doctor, cutting across Ryan.

 

“Oh, you know how it goes.” The woman waved a hand dismissively. “Got hired for a job, so I infiltrated an army to recruit a friend to join me. Same old, same old. Haven’t found Anita yet, but I did stumble across a damsel in distress, and you know me, sweetie. I’m never one to turn away from rescuing your helpless behind. You’re welcome.”

 

The Doctor huffed indignantly. “I had the situation under control.”

 

“Of course, dear. Whatever you say.”

 

“I did!”

 

The woman rolled her eyes. “Keep your stupid manly pride, then.”

 

“Oi!” said the Doctor. “I’m not a man anymore.”

 

“I noticed.” The woman let her eyes trail over the Doctor’s body, lingering pointedly on her chest. The Doctor blushed and the woman smiled. “Care to let me take a closer look?”

 

“Sorry, do you two know each other?” Yaz said loudly. At the question, the Doctor jumped, as if she’d forgotten Ryan and Yaz were there. But the woman merely huffed.

 

“Still not telling your friends about me until I show up, I see. Typical.”

 

A loud bang sounded through the halls and the Doctor tore her eyes off the woman.

 

“Could we save this conversation for later?” she begged. “There’s more important things we should be doing right now. Namely, getting out of here.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry,” said the woman. “I bought us a little time.”

 

“... what did you do?”

 

“Sweetie, do you really want to know the answer to that?”

 

The Doctor eyed her. “Probably not.”

 

“Smart lass.”

 

Another bang sounded, this time closer to them. The ceiling shook slightly, shaking a film of dust off the concrete. Indistinct shouting started, a Dalek’s mechanical voice threading through and puncturing the human screams.

 

“Well, whatever you did, I don’t think it took,” said the Doctor. She exchanged a look with the woman. “Shall we?”

 

The woman grinned. “Just like old times?”

 

“Oh, yes.” The Doctor returned the smile, joy painting her features in a way Yaz had never seen. “Just like old times. Run!”

 

Grabbing the Doctor’s hand, the woman spun on her heel, leading the way through the dank tunnels. Yaz stared after her, her heat sinking slightly.

 

“Do you think we should trust her?” she whispered to Ryan. “She just popped up out of nowhere.”

 

“I don’t think we have much of a choice,” he said, frowning slightly. “The Doctor’s about to leave us behind. Come on.”

 

He started jogging after the two women, puffing slightly at the additional exertion. Yaz wrinkled her nose briefly, then reluctantly followed. Ahead, the Doctor and the woman moved in almost perfect sync, the woman gently steering her through the tunnels.

 

A clatter sounded behind them, and Yaz twisted around, heart leaping into her throat. Another Dalek had appeared at the far end of the tunnel, closing in on them with five soldiers flanking it.

 

“Doctor!”

 

She twisted around, dropping the woman’s hand as she pulled out her sonic and slowed to a walk. The woman kept running, Yaz and Ryan close behind.

 

“How much further to the exit?” the Doctor called to the woman.

 

“Not much further.”

 

“Keep going! I’ll distract this one!”

 

The woman stopped dead, crossing her arms. “You will not.”

 

“You’re not the boss of me.”

 

“Wanna place a bet on that?”

 

“You can’t boss me around. I’m older than you!”

 

“And yet still infinitely stupider.”

 

“Will you two stop arguing?” shouted Ryan. “Look! Whoever you are, I hope your gun has more bullets.”

 

At the other end, the third Dalek appeared, trapping them between two walls of white armor and blue and silver metal.

 

The Doctor frowned. “No more guns.”

 

“I didn’t see you complaining about them two minutes ago,” the woman told her.

 

“I didn’t see you! And besides, that was just one Dalek. If you fire again, you could hit a human under neural control. That’s a hard no. It’s not their fault they’re here. We’re not endangering them.”

 

“Well, lucky for you, I’m out of power. After a big blast like that, it’ll take a couple of hours to recharge.” The woman sighed, patting the gun. “Just a sexy accessory, now.”

 

“It is not sexy.”

 

“Says the one who thinks a tweed jacket and a fez is the height of fashion.”

 

“Fezzes are cool!”

 

“Oi!” interrupted Yaz. “Could we maybe shelve this conversation until there’s no Daleks around?”

 

**“Exterminate. Exterminate.”**

 

“WAIT!”

 

The Doctor’s voice thundered through the tunnel, magnified by the sonic she held to her throat. Confused, the Daleks pulled up short, creating a clear space of about fifty feet. Yaz pressed closer to Ryan in the middle of it, trying unsuccessfully to keep her eyes on both Daleks at once. Looking a little bored, the woman leaned up against the wall casually to tap on a thick leather bracelet.

 

“Right.” Panting slightly, the Doctor pushed her hair out of her face, splitting her stare between both groups of soldiers and Daleks. “Quick question, before you exterminate us. Just something that’s been bugging me. How did you know I was here? Did the person you’re working with tell you?”

 

**“Does it matter?”**

 

“Nah, not really.” The Doctor began inching back towards Yaz and Ryan. “Just wanted to buy some time.”

 

**“You are a fool, Doctor. You have nowhere to go. You will be exterminated.”**

 

The woman sighed, pushing herself off the wall and sauntering over to them. “Sweetie, do you have any coordinates in mind?”

 

“Do you think you’ll be able to hit them?”

 

“I’m not an amatuer. I know how to drive, unlike someone I could mention.”

 

“Oi!”

 

“What are you two talking about?” hissed Yaz.

 

“All in good time,” the woman said, winking at Yaz. “Grab hold, now.”

 

Confused, Yaz took the woman’s proffered hand, Ryan stacking his on top.

 

**“Enough talking. You will be exterminated now.”**

 

The Doctor reached out, grabbing the woman’s wrist and tapping quickly at the leather bracelet too. “Do you think maybe, at one point, you’ll ever be able to come up with something else to yell besides exterminate? Like, oh, I don’t know, bye?”

 

**“Exterminate!”**

 

At the Dalek’s words, the soldiers raised their guns, gunshots ringing out, the cacophony piercing through Yaz’s skull. Quickly, the Doctor pressed a final button.

 

“Bye!”

 

The world ripped away. Pushed through a small tube, Yaz felt her body compress and expand, her blood simultaneously freezing and boiling. Desperately, she opened her mouth to suck in a breath but instead she was met with a vacuum, pulling the remains of her last breath out and choking her, iron bands wrapping around her chest as she gasped, only her grip on the woman’s hand giving her any indication that she wasn’t alone in the emptiness of space again -

 

And then the pressure disappeared and Yaz stumbled, solid ground appearing beneath her feet again as she fought for breath, mind reeling. Ryan knocked into her, sending them sprawling for the second time that day. As Ryan landed on top of her, Yaz struggled to inhale under his weight. Her chest was still not fully inflated after that vacuum. Closing her eyes, Yaz pressed her head to the cool tile floor.

 

_You’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe, you -_

 

“Bloody hell! Where did you lot come from?” shouted Graham.

 

“The basement,” said the Doctor, leaping over Yaz and Ryan to grab a vial off the lab table.

 

Still disoriented, Yaz blinked slowly, then picked her head up slightly. Somehow, they’d ended up in the lab room they’d been in earlier, Graham now holding a piece of paper, and Kara sitting in a chair. Both looked completely nonplussed.

 

“Yeah, okay, but how did you just suddenly appear like that?” Graham said.

 

“Vortex manipulator.” Pausing, the Doctor gave a sympathetic wince at Ryan and Yaz. “I told you. Cheap and nasty time travel. Also good for short hops through space. How long have we been gone?”

 

“Bout two hours.”

 

“Oh, brilliant. Right on target, then. Wasn’t sure - you never know how precise those things are.”

 

The woman let out a strained laugh. “Snobbish as ever about vortex manipulators, I see. Nice to know some things never change.”

 

Curious, Yaz lifted her head to look at the woman. She stood shakily, pressing a hand to her abdomen. Slowly, blood seeped through her fingers, dripping gently to the floor.

 

“Oh my god, are you alright?” Yaz disentangled herself from Ryan, taking her first full breath, and hurried over to the woman, who waved off her concern.

 

“I’m fine, just a little graze.” The woman gave a wan smile. Then, without warning, her eyes rolled up into her head. Darting forward, Yaz caught her before she hit the floor, grunting a little under her weight.

 

_“River.”_

 

The Doctor dropped the vial with a clatter, leaping over Ryan to kneel next to Yaz and the woman. Gently, she peeled the woman's hand off her stomach, her face blanching at the sizable hole.

 

“That’s not a graze,” she scolded. “River, that is _not a graze_.”

 

River grinned weakly. “I’ve had worse.”

 

Kara, shaking herself out of her shocked stare, came over to crouch across from them.

 

“That’s hard to imagine,” Kara said quietly. “This is pretty big. I don’t know if we have anything to fix this.”

 

“How’d this happen?” asked Yaz quietly.

 

River shrugged. “One of the soldiers’ shots must have hit me. Occupational hazard.”

 

The Doctor grabbed Kara’s arm over River's body, her steely gaze piercing.

 

“You have to fix her.”

 

“Sweetie, it’s alright. You and I both knew you were always going to outlive me.”

 

“Shut up, River,” said the Doctor, not breaking eye contact with Kara. “You’re going to heal her. Now.”

 

Kara bowed her head. “I don’t think I can. I’m so sorry.”

 

The Doctor continued to stare, before dropping Kara’s arm in revulsion.

 

“Useless humans. Do I have to do everything myself?” she demanded.

 

Kara opened her mouth, as if unsure that she should respond, then shut it at the Doctor’s expression. Making a noise of disgust, the Doctor pushed her sleeves up.

 

“Step back. You too, Yaz.”

 

“What are you going to do?” asked Yaz, apprehensive.

 

The Doctor didn’t respond, roughly pushing Yaz back before placing her hands gently on River’s wound. Closing her eyes, the Doctor’s expression stilled, calm breaking through the obvious panic. Trails of light started under her skin, swirling and dancing down her forearms towards her hands. As the light hit the tips of the Doctor’s fingers, River gasped, arching up into the Doctor’s hands. Her skin glowed, blinding Yaz. Shielding her face, Yaz looked away, waiting for the brilliance to fade.

 

Exhausted, the Doctor sat back, a satisfied expression on her face. Yaz turned back as River patted her stomach gingerly. Her smooth, unblemished stomach.

 

Kara’s jaw dropped. “What did you do? How-”

 

She cut off as River pushed herself up, angrily. With a frustrated cry, she slapped the Doctor hard, the sound reverberating through the room.

 

“ _You had no right to do that.”_

 

Gingerly rubbing her jaw, the Doctor didn’t move her head from where it had been pushed.

 

“River…”

 

“No!” She slapped her again, forcing the Doctor’s head in the other direction. “What is it with you and wasting your regeneration energy? That was the most reckless, stupid, idiotic thing you’ve done, and that’s saying a lot! You have no idea how much you have left, you can’t just go around wasting it willy-nilly, you -”

 

She reached up to slap the Doctor again, but the Doctor caught her hand.

 

“You would have died,” she said quietly.

 

“Then you _let me_ ,” shouted River, slapping the Doctor with her other hand. “The universe needs you -”

 

“And I need you.” The Doctor cut across River’s protests, grabbing her other hand so that both of her wrists were trapped. “I won’t let you just die. Not today. Not while I could do something about it.”

 

“Oh, you useless, crackbrained, short-sighted fool of a man, you -”

 

“ _Enough_.” The Doctor glared at River. “It’s done. You can’t change it. And how dare you tell me how I can use my regeneration energy? You spent all of yours on me, yet you would deny me the same decision? River, when are you going to get it into your head that I’m never going to let you simply die. You’d have to knock me out, or tie me up, or put me on the other side of the universe to stop me, and even if you do all that, I will still fight to get to you. I will _always_ fight for you, Melody Pond, and if you - _oomph._ ”

 

Chest heaving, the Doctor cut off as River surged forward to cover the Doctor’s mouth with her own, drawing her into a very enthusiastic kiss.

 

Yaz’s stomach dropped, her world crashing in around her ears. As River pulled the Doctor closer, weaving her hands in her hair, Yaz watched as if through someone else’s eyes. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way. No way that the Doctor would kiss, would _love_ , this gun-carrying, sexual, lunatic woman.

 

And yet, the Doctor melted into River’s grasp, pulling her closer.

 

After an eternity, River pulled back slightly, a trail of spit clinging to her swollen lips. Reluctantly, the Doctor opened her eyes, staring at River as if she couldn’t believe she was real. A sultry smile spread over River’s lips.

 

“So. Tying you up. Is that a promise?”

 

“Hey, Doc?”

 

The Doctor jumped, a blush painting her face. “Yeah, Graham?”

 

He lifted an eyebrow. “Care to introduce us?”

 

“Right!” The Doctor leapt to her feet, blush deepening. “Introductions. Of course. River, that’s Graham, Ryan and Yaz, they’re travelling with me. They’re brilliant. And that’s Kara. She works here. Gang, this is…”

 

“Professor River Song.” She rose smoothly, giving no indication that just moments before she had been bleeding to death on the floor or making out with the Doctor. “Archeologist. And her wife.”

 

Yaz suddenly forgot how to breathe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeeeppp i hope you guys liked that. the pressure kind of went up on me after all of your absolutely AMAZING responses to river being here, so im reallly nervous about this. i high key went back and rewatched that scene in angels in manhattan when 11 heals river with regeneration energy and she yelled at him and he just went ??????? but i think 13 definitely would stand her ground more. 
> 
> ALSO. big announcement. you guys may have seen a fanzine being put together, and im so excited to say that ill be writing for it. everyone on it is extremely talented and im high key a little intimidated by it. but i think its safe to say that the fanzine we produce will be absolutely brilliant. so stay tuned for more details. 
> 
> i think that's all i have to say about this. ill see yall soon


	13. One more day on my own, what a life I might have known, but she never saw me there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from one day more from les mis. and yes i changed the pronouns to make it gay

 

“Right, where are we, then?” Leaning against a table, River pulled a small, tattered, blue book out of a pocket and opened it, squinting at the Doctor. “This is later years, yeah?”

 

“Wait. Hold up.” Ryan stared disbelievingly between the Doctor and River. “Wife?”

 

“Mhm. Long story,” said River, flipping through pages. “Don’t ask too much, you’ll hurt your pretty little head.”

 

The Doctor sighed. “River, quit flirting. He doesn’t deserve that.”

 

“I was just saying hello.”

 

“Same thing.”

 

River rolled her eyes, but didn’t dispute the point.

 

“How new is this regeneration, sweetie?”

 

The Doctor scrunched her nose. “A couple of months? Very new. Do you like it?”

 

“I don’t know, I’ve barely seen it.” River looked up, a small smile on her lips. “Do a twirl?”

 

She obliged, rotating on the spot. As River blatantly checked out the Doctor’s body, Yaz turned away. She couldn’t watch this.

 

“What have I told you about your roots, darling?” River sighed. “Also, I don’t suppose I could get you to wear tighter trousers, could I?”

 

Quizzically, the Doctor looked down. “Why do I need tighter trousers? What’s wrong with these?”

 

“Nothing.” Rolling her eyes again, River gave the Doctor a fond look. “You’re stunning. Really.”

 

“You haven’t seen this regeneration before?” asked the Doctor.

 

“Nope,” said River, running her finger down a page. “But I must admit, I’m very satisfied with the results.”

 

“How’d you know it was me, then?”

 

“Darling, I always know when it’s you.”

 

The Doctor snorted. “No you don’t.”

 

“Well, your flare for the dramatics never changes, no matter your face,” said River. “And your dress sense is as horrible as ever, although I must admit, I do love the coat. And the belts. Very good for pulling you around. Add them all up, and there’s only one person you could be.”

 

“You didn’t recognize eyebrows as me.”

 

“Fine. You got me.” She smiled. “I overheard your little speech down there. I must say, it was very sexy, pretty boy. And I ran into you in the marketplace. Using the Battle of Demon’s Run to threaten soldiers? I’m flattered.”

 

The Doctor gaped at her. “You were one of those soldiers?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“You hit me! And took Graham.”

 

“Sweetie, that was just a little love tap. I’ve given you worse, and don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy them.”

 

“No, sorry, wait again,” Ryan interjected. “How long have you had a wife for? And how come you never told us?”

 

“Yeah, Doc,” added Graham. “I asked you if there was anyone in your life and you said -”

 

“Ah, ah, ah,” said River, tearing her eyes off the Doctor to frown at Graham. “Please don’t finish that sentence.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Spoilers,” said the Doctor, pushing her hands into her pockets.

 

“Spoilers?” repeated Graham.

 

The Doctor shrugged. “We don’t exactly have the most conventional relationship. It’s a little hard to, when you’re both time travelers. Sometimes we meet up out of order and can’t spoil what comes next. Takes all the fun out of living it. And if River would hurry up, we’d know where we both are in our personal timelines.”

 

“Working on it, sweetie,” said River absentmindedly. “We’ve done Jim the Fish, yeah?”

 

“You know we have.”

 

“Just checking.”

 

Ryan shook his head. “Sorry, it’s just so _weird_ , thinking of you as married, Doctor.”

 

“Why?” she asked, cocking her head. Ryan shrugged uncomfortably.

 

“I don’t know. I just… never thought of you as the romantic sort. Or the kissing sort.”

 

“Oi! I’ve kissed loads of people.” The Doctor scrunched her face. “Well. Maybe not recently, and maybe not in front of you lot, but still.”

 

“Mmmm, don’t I know it,” commented River.

 

“Don’t you start.”

 

“All I’m going to say is Cleopatra. And Marilyn Monroe. And Queen Elizabeth.”

 

“That’s starting it! And you’re one to talk. Does King Hdryoflax ring any bells?”

 

“I told you, I married the diamond.” River huffed. “He was just an unfortunate side effect. Wait. What do you mean, ‘not recently’?”

 

The Doctor shuffled her feet and didn’t answer. A smile crept along River’s face again.

 

“Doctor,” she said in a sing song voice. “Was that your first kiss in this body?”

 

An awkward silence broke out as the Doctor scratched her nose, avoiding everyone’s gaze.

 

“What, not even with Yaz over there?” River jerked her head to indicate Yaz. “She’s young, human, pretty, and smart. Not to mention she looks at you like you hung the stars. Which, I suppose, you did, to a certain extent. Exactly your type. If I were you, I’d have shagged her ages ago. Hell, I’d shag her right now if she’s into older women.”

 

Yaz jumped at her name as everyone turned to stare at her. Feeling heat rise in her neck, Yaz frantically shook her head, unable to muster up words to deny it. How could she deny it without giving away how much she’d thought about it? How many nights she’d spent lying awake, wishing the Doctor was with her, how many times in the TARDIS console room she’d let her gaze linger a second too long on the Doctor’s hands, wondering if their agility and cleverness would transfer over to other, more intimate activities…

 

Wait. She was the Doctor’s type?

 

“River, we’re just friends,” the Doctor said. “A concept you seem unable to grasp.”

 

“May I remind you, you once said the same thing about Rose Tyler. And we all know how that turned out.” River casually flipped another couple of pages. “But fine. Have it your way. I’d love to be the first for everything else in this body.” She gave her a salacious wink. “How much have you explored being a woman?”

 

“River!”

 

As River laughed, Yaz blinked. She’d never heard the name Rose Tyler before. Yet suddenly, the hazy memory of apples forced its way to the forefront of her brain again. Along with a young, blonde girl, laughing in the sun. And the feeling of contentment, of happiness…

 

Of love.

 

“Fine, I’ll let it go. Besides, I think I have it figured out, now.” River glanced at the Doctor over the top of her book. “The last thing I did with you was Darillium. Have we done Darillium?”

 

The Doctor froze.

 

“We…” Her voice cracked, and she tried again. “We’ve done Darillium?”

 

River lifted an eyebrow. “Yes. Have you not done it yet?”

 

“No, I’ve done it.” The Doctor gave her a strange, unreadable look. “Darillium was the last time I saw you, too.”

 

“Brilliant.” Snapping the book shut, River stood upright and clapped her hands once. “Now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way, tell me. What are you doing here?”

 

Mouth slightly open, the Doctor didn’t respond, her eyebrows slightly furrowed as she stared at River. As if she couldn’t quite wrap her head around River’s presence.

 

River sighed. “Doctor? I know I’m absolutely stunning, but you can stop staring at me now. What are you doing here?”

 

“Doing…?” The Doctor shook herself. “Oh. Right. You know, just your standard sticking my nose in places it doesn’t belong, accidently getting recruited to do research on a disease and running into Daleks. You know, same old, same old.”

 

“ _Daleks?_ ”

 

Graham’s shout cut through the living nightmare Yaz had fallen into by watching River and the Doctor interact. Gratefully, she turned to him, relieved to have some excuse to look away from River’s flirting. He stood pressed against the window, horrified.

 

“Oh, did we not mention that earlier?” said the Doctor.

 

“No! No, you left that bit out, ta very much!” Graham glared at her. “When did you see a Dalek?”

 

“Just now, when we went to go hunt for the energy signature,” said Ryan. “And not just one Dalek. Four. And if they’re to be believed, they’re building a fleet.”

 

River grinned. “Three, now. Again, you’re welcome.”

 

“What’s a Dalek?” asked Kara, frowning.

 

“Alien psychopath,” said Yaz, suppressing a shiver. “Not good news.”

 

“Oi, I take offense to your word choice,” said River. “I married an alien psychopath, she’s standing right here. And she’s not so bad once you get to know her.”

 

“Thanks for your input, sweetie.” The Doctor rolled her eyes. “Daleks are worse than psychopaths, though, Kara. They’re creatures bred for one thing: obliterating anything that isn’t Dalek. All emotions, all thoughts of individuality have been sliced out of them, leaving only the tank, the machine. The swath of death and destruction they leave in their wake.”

 

A chill descended through the air at the Doctor’s words. Memories of the last Dalek returned to the forefront of Yaz’s mind, pushing aside the happiness she had felt from the strange memory, replacing it with the ever present fear she was starting to get used to.

 

“I’m assuming you’ve run into them before,” said Kara, hushed.

 

The Doctor nodded. “They’re an infestation that refuses to go away.”

 

“What are they doing here?” asked Kara, a tremor in her voice. “Why now?”

 

“I don’t know why now. But they’ve been rebuilding their army, using phages to insert their own genetics into human cells. Oh! That’s why people have been getting sick, by the way; they’ve been transforming into new Daleks.”

 

“How’d you know that?” demanded Graham.

 

“Because I’m smart,” said the Doctor. “And because when we tracked Fin, the signature lead us straight to the Daleks. I put two and two together, it wasn’t hard.”

 

“Bloody hell,” Graham whispered. “Doc, those files you gave me? There’s hundreds of people in there. Does that mean they’re _all_ Daleks now?”

 

“Most likely,” said the Doctor. “Which is why all of you need to shut up right now and let me work on this.”

 

“About that, Doc,” Graham began, casting an uncertain glance towards Kara. “We found something…”

 

“What is it?”

 

At that moment, an alarm buzzed on Graham’s door and the lock turned from red to green. Pushing gingerly on the door, Graham grinned when it swung open.

 

“Grandad!” Ryan threw himself on Graham, wrapping him in a bear hug.

 

Graham laughed, patting Ryan on the back. “Happy to see me, then?”

 

“Nah. Just surprised that you’re not going to turn into a Dalek, you daft old man.”

 

“Same,” added Yaz. “I thought you were a goner.”

 

“Balls of sunshine, the both of you.”

 

“Never mind that,” said the Doctor. “Graham, what was it that you were going to tell me?”

 

“Oh. Right.” He cast another glance at Kara. “Erm…”

 

“Show her,” said Kara quietly.

 

Reluctantly, Graham handed the Doctor a piece of paper. Frowning, she took it. Yaz took a step forward to read it over the Doctor’s shoulder, but River darted over before she could get there. Absentmindedly, River stroked the Doctor’s shoulder with her thumb as they read it together. Ryan gave Yaz a sympathetic look as the Doctor frowned harder at the report.

 

“Is this your report?” she asked Kara. “How come you didn’t mention that you had the disease?”

 

Kara fiddled with her fingers. “Because I don’t remember that.”

 

“How do you not remember being in the hospital?” asked River. “It’s a little hard to miss.”

 

“That’s not what I meant.”

 

“Alright, what _do_ you mean?” The Doctor looked up at Kara.

 

“I mean, I don’t remember being in the hospital for the disease. There’s no reason why my medical file should be in here, on the disease. But it is. And my predecessor signed off on it - putting a report in the wrong file was not like him.”

 

“So what were you in here for?” asked Yaz.

 

Kara looked down, flexing her cybernetic fingers experimentally.

 

“That was when I lost my arm. When I got my new arm.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Why do I feel like we’re always just sitting here while the Doctor does all the important stuff?” asked Yaz.

 

Ryan glanced at her. “Well, I’m sure if you understood what the hell she’s actually doing, she’d be more than happy to let you help. She certainly didn’t turn River away.”

 

Yaz grunted, purposely avoiding looking over at the Doctor and River, huddled across the room together. But she couldn’t avoid hearing River’s laughter at something the Doctor said, nor stop imagining the way she caressed the Doctor’s arm. The way the Doctor lit up at her presence. At her touch.

 

After Kara’s admission, the Doctor had run her sonic over her without a word, then retreated across the room to pick up the vial she had dropped earlier, rolling her sleeves up over her elbows. Casting a glance at the rest of them, River had followed, working seamlessly with the Doctor as the Doctor did whatever it was she was doing. That left the others to congregate around another lab table by the main exit, Kara casting anxious looks every couple of seconds at the Doctor.

 

“Are you okay, Yaz?” asked Graham.

 

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

 

“I don’t know.” Graham shrugged. “Just checking. I know I was certainly shocked to find out about River. And I’m not…”

 

Yaz glared at him, daring him to finish the sentence. “Not what, Graham?”

 

He sighed. “Never mind.”

 

“It’s still so weird, thinking of the Doctor married,” said Ryan. “It’s like… she acts like a child sometimes. And then she acts like the weight of the world is on her shoulders and spouts off something really profound. And then she’s back to wanting a biscuit. Besides, if I had to imagine her marrying someone, River isn’t exactly who I’d think of.”

 

He eyed Yaz pointedly, who did her best to add him to her list of people to currently ignore.

 

“Son, there’s obviously quite a bit of history between those two,” said Graham quietly. “Who knows what’s happened there, or why the Doctor decided to marry her. Knowing her, though, I’m sure she didn’t marry River for any simple reason. And at the end of the day, it’s her life. Her love. Don’t cast judgement without knowing the full story.”

 

Ryan made a face. “Since when did you decide to get all wise?”

 

“Oi, I’ve been wise. Comes from living. You’re just too young to want to listen.”

 

Yaz tuned them out, mind drifting to the Doctor. And the fact that she was apparently her type. And that River had thought they would have kissed by now. Or done more.

 

What the bloody hell was she supposed to do with that?

 

Not to mention a sneaking suspicion had started nagging her about the random flashes of memories of apples. And the other memory of lying in bed with the Doctor that had cropped up in her mind, a memory she didn’t remember happening, but looked so familiar, felt so real…

 

“Ha!” shouted the Doctor from across the room.

 

Against her will, Yaz glanced over at the Doctor, just in time to see her plant a kiss on River’s mouth. Giving the Doctor a look of equal parts fondness and exasperation, River folded her arms under her breasts and leaned back against the wall as the Doctor leapt over to the table where Yaz sat. She slammed a vial in front of Kara, who jumped at the noise, then stepped back, a smug expression on her face.

 

“There.”

 

“What’s this?” asked Kara, gingerly picking up the vial and examining it.

 

The Doctor grinned. “A cure.”

 

Kara’s jaw dropped. “Really?”

 

“Yup,” said the Doctor, popping the _p_ proudly. “Well, not a cure exactly. It won’t help anyone who’s already been turned into a Dalek or close to it. But it will help people just exposed to the phages.”

 

“What’s in it?” asked Kara, curiously tilting the small vial towards the light.

 

“Restriction enzymes.”

 

“... restriction enzymes.”

 

“It was River’s idea,” said the Doctor, jerking her head towards River. “Well, her idea, my execution. I was talking about how I figured out what was causing everything -”

 

“Stop bragging about your brilliance, sweetie,” River interrupted. “It’s unbecoming. It’s always been unbecoming. We know you’re smart. Just tell her.”

 

The Doctor shot a hurt look at River before turning back to Kara. “It’s going to target Dalek DNA. Once the phages release their DNA into the cell, these enzymes will cut up the DNA so that it’s harmless. Just a bunch of bases and sugars and phosphates.” She grinned again. “It’s based off of the same mechanism that bacteria use to defend themselves from phages. Just slightly re-engineered so as not to activate any immune response. Using the Daleks’ own biotechnology against them. And the best part? Hopefully, some of the other things I threw in there to support the enzymes will denature the prions. Two-in-one punch.”

 

“That’s…” Kara blinked, stunned. “That’s incredible.”

 

“I’ve also been working on something else,” said the Doctor, starting to run back to her lab table. “Something that might help us with the pesky problem of whoever is working with the Daleks and -”

 

The door slammed open and Captain Michaels burst through it, panting slightly. Quickly, he surveyed the room, taking note of the four right by him, River across the room, and the Doctor in the middle.

 

“Is it true?” he gasped, staring at the Doctor. “Did you figure out what’s going on?”

 

The Doctor frowned. “Kind of, yes. How did you know?”

 

Michaels pulled out a gun, aiming it carefully at the Doctor. “I’m going to have to ask you to step away from that table.”

 

Slowly, the Doctor raised her hands. “Yeah? Or what?”

 

Michaels sighed. Then, Yaz stiffened as the cold muzzle of the gun pressed against her head.

 

“Or I’ll kill her.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes thirteenstardisfam if you were wondering that bit where yaz was thinking about the doctors hands and their agility is because of you and that DAMN gif set of yours. i did tell you there was a bit about that didnt i? so thanks for that.
> 
> we're getting into the endgame now, are you guys excited? leave me a kudos or comment or come follow me on tumblr to yell


	14. And when I fall to rise with stardust in my eyes, in the backbone of night, I'm combustible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok hi yes im posting TWO days early. BUT - i have two big tests on wednesday and thursday, so yeah im gonna be DEAD later in the week. so you get a chapter early. idk if youre going to thank me for that or not tho cause youre not getting anything else until friday. enjoy tho
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from king of the clouds by p!atd

 

“Don’t threaten me, dude.” The Doctor’s voice, calm and collected, gave no indication of her feelings. “I don’t like being threatened. Always ends badly.”

 

Graham and Ryan, wide eyed, backed away quickly from Michaels, coming to stand by the Doctor. Hands still raised, the Doctor stared down Michaels as River stepped forward to stand at her shoulder.

 

“Shut up,” said Michaels. Without breaking eye contact with the Doctor, he grabbed Yaz’s arm, pulling her in front of him, gun pressing harder into her temple. “Tell me what you know.”

 

“Well, which is it?” the Doctor asked. “Shut up, or talk? You know, in a hostage situation, you really need to be clear.”

 

“Dad!” said Kara. “What are you doing?”

 

“I’m doing this for you, Kara,” said Michaels. “Leave, please. Now.”

 

Kara folded her arms. “No.”

 

“Hey, just take it easy, okay?” said Yaz, acutely aware of the cool metal on her head. “Just talk to us, put down the gun. We can help you.”

 

“You, shut up, too,” said Michaels, digging his fingers tighter into her arm. “This is between me and the Doctor.”

 

“You’ve got a gun to my head, it sure feels like this involves me too.”

 

“Yaz.” The Doctor’s eyes flicked to her. “I’ve got this. Please.”

 

Carefully, Yaz gave the tiniest of nods. Eyes still on Yaz, the Doctor gave her the ghost of a smile before looking back at Michaels.

 

“Earlier,” she said. “You said you were going to report to your superiors. You don’t have superiors here, you’re in charge. You were going to report to the Daleks, weren’t you.”

 

“They’re scared of you,” said Michaels. “Why are they so scared of you? You’re just a girl.”

 

The Doctor rolled her eyes. “I’ll let that slide for now. Put down the gun and talk to me, please. I can help you.”

 

“No you can’t,” said Michaels, his voice cracking slightly. “No one can help me. If I don’t -”

 

He shook his head, then tightened his grip on Yaz’s arm.

 

“They’ll be here soon. They’re coming for you.”

 

“And if you don’t help them, they’ll hurt Kara.”

 

Michaels flinched, and the Doctor smiled.

 

“That’s it, isn’t it?” she asked, taking a step closer to Michaels and Yaz while lowering her hands slowly. “She got sick, didn’t she. But then she got better. And now they’re holding her hostage somehow.”

 

Michaels dragged Yaz back a step. “Stay back. I’m warning you.”

 

“Alright, alright,” said the Doctor placatingly. “Incidentally, what type of gun is that? I’ve never seen anything like it.”

 

Yaz eyed it out of the corner of her eye. The Doctor was right; the gun didn’t look like a normal gun. Instead of a cartridge of bullets, or the charger for laser blasts, the gun had a set of balls in it, almost like paint balls. Except these balls writhed in place, the surface shifting and rippling in the handle of the gun.

 

“Keep back or you’ll find out the hard way.”

 

“I told you, don’t threaten me.” The Doctor lifted a hand out. “But if you put down the gun, if you talk to me, tell me everything, fill in the gaps, I can help you. I’ve faced the Daleks before, I know how scary it is. You just need to find your courage to stand up to them. But if you hurt Yaz, if you hurt any of us, I won’t help.”

 

Michaels didn’t respond, and Yaz felt him waver a bit, the gun against her head trembling slightly. Then, he laughed. A harsh, cynical laugh.

 

“Bloody hell, are you always this self righteous?” he asked. “Is there any way to get you to shut up about how you can help?”

 

The Doctor made a face. “Why would I shut up? Talking’s brilliant. For instance, the more you talk, the more I can understand about this situation and the sooner I can get Yaz away from that gun of yours.”

 

“I’ve found putting something in her mouth usually does the trick,” offered River. “Preferably a tongue. Or a gag.”

 

“Not helping, River.”

 

Michaels frowned. “Who are you?”

 

“Professor River Song.” She tossed her hair imperiously, staring him down.

 

“River Song,” he repeated, turning the name over thoughtfully. “Weren’t you in Stormcage?”

 

“Hey, isn’t Stormcage the prison that bloke in Alabama was from?” asked Ryan quietly. Graham quickly shushed him.

 

River rolled her eyes. “Does everyone always have to bring that up? I did my time, thank you very much. Let it go.”

 

“Dad!” shouted Kara. “You don’t need to protect me, I’m not in danger. If anything, you’re the one putting all of us in danger. Will you please just put the gun down now?”

 

“I can’t do that, sweetheart, sorry,” said Michaels. “Not until my friends get here.”

 

“Yeah alright, back to your ‘friends,’ then,” said the Doctor. She spat the word, pulling a face at the taste it left in her mouth. “I can’t figure it out - what are they doing here? How did a Dalek fleet get here?”

 

“I don’t need to answer you. You’re at my mercy here, not the other way around.”

 

The Doctor sighed. “Fine. But when the Daleks get here, you and I both know that the first thing they’ll do is kill me. So, come on. Grant a dead woman her last wish - tell me what’s going on. What’s the harm in it?”

 

Yaz heard him working his jaw as he considered the Doctor’s words, the bones clicking slightly beside her ear. The gun had warmed slightly from prolonged contact with her skin, the metal imprinting itself on her temple. Oddly, her heart rate had remained low, her training from the police about hostage situations running through her mind almost as a matter of fact. Like she watched the entire situation from someone else’s eyes, not her own. Distantly, a voice in her head screamed that she may have gone into shock. But that wasn’t important. Not right now.

 

Michaels sighed. “It was my wife.”

 

“What?” said Kara. “What does Mum have to do with this?”

 

“I don’t know exactly what happened,” said Michaels. “I don’t know how they got here. But my wife found them. She said something about the remnants of a race, destroyed by a storm. They settled here, after some planets disappeared. She did say a number, but I don’t remember. Twenty eight? Twenty seven? I don’t know how twenty seven planets can just disappear, though.”

 

The Doctor rocked back on her heels. “Oh.”

 

Graham eyed her. “I’m assuming you had something to do with that?”

 

“I, erm… yeah. Yeah, I might have,” she admitted. “Not really, though. Only a passing bit. I didn’t do much.”

 

“That was with Donna, wasn’t it?” asked River, putting a gentle hand on the Doctor’s arm. “Donna and Martha and…”

 

River trailed off, biting her lip, as if too scared to dig deeper into the Doctor’s memories.

 

“Rose.” The Doctor said the name hesitantly, an unreadable expression on her face. “Rose was there, too.”

 

A beat of silence passed before the Doctor shook herself out of her past.

 

“But that still doesn’t explain the phages,” the Doctor pressed. “How did that start?”

 

“The Daleks gave her something,” Michaels said. “I don’t know what it was. Some sort of box. My daughter and wife understand science. I don’t. They said it was passed down from their creator, that it would help them to rebuild their numbers, or they would go extinct. I didn’t trust them, I begged her not to use whatever they gave her. But she opened it. Of course she did; she was never one to turn her back on someone in need. And then people started getting sick.” He shook his head. “It was just a few, at first. We didn’t connect it to the Daleks. But then my wife got sick.”

 

A tear ran down Kara’s face, disappearing into the material of her shirt. But she didn’t say anything to stop her father, didn’t make a sound.

 

“And I watched,” continued Michaels, his voice starting to crack. “I watched as she turned into… into one of those _things_. The Daleks turned to me. Asked me to work for them, to take my wife’s place. I said no. Not in a million years. Then… Kara got sick.”

 

“And you couldn’t bear to watch the same thing happen to her,” finished the Doctor softly. “So you agreed to work with them, if they spared your daughter’s life. And the neural control in the soldiers? I assume that was you, too.”

 

Michaels nodded. “I couldn’t do what the Daleks wanted by myself. But I knew the troops wouldn’t agree with me; they don’t care about Kara. They’d let her die in an instant, for the greater good. So I put them under neural control. No talking back, no disobedience. No guilt for them in what they had to do.”

 

“What did they have to do?” asked the Doctor, her voice biting through the air.

 

“Build the Daleks their shells, take people off the streets, maintain the perception field around infected people, misdirect the scientists trying to find a cure.” Michaels shrugged. “Find new people to infect. What else would you think they had to do?”

 

“I try not to think too much about it,” said the Doctor. “Or soldiers in general, really. Especially not when they’ve been destroying information. Gives me a bad taste in my mouth.”

 

“Again with the self righteousness,” said Michaels. “What have you got against soldiers?”

 

“I don’t like guns.” The Doctor wrinkled her nose. “And the only language soldiers speak is violence and guns. If you think I’m wrong, then take a look at yourself. You’re holding a gun to my friend’s head. How is that going to help things?”

 

Michaels pulled the gun away from Yaz’s head and the Doctor grinned. But her grin disappeared when he reached into his belt, tossed something at her feet, and put the gun back to Yaz’s head.

 

The Doctor picked the object up. “Handcuffs?”

 

“Put them on.”

 

“Why?” asked the Doctor, dangling them gingerly from one finger.

 

“Call it insurance.”

 

“If I do, will you put the gun down?”

 

“Sure.”

 

The Doctor glared at him. “Don’t lie to me. That’s almost as bad as a threat.”

 

Michaels snorted and Yaz closed her eyes, picturing his sardonic smile.

 

“I’ll be less likely to shoot her if you put them on,” he said. “Does that do for not lying?”

 

“It’ll do. But only just.”

 

A bang sounded in the hall behind Yaz and Michaels jumped, turning slightly to cast a quick glance behind him. Seeing her chance, Yaz ducked her head away from the gun, moving to wrench her arm out of Michael’s grasp.

 

But he didn’t let go, his grip like iron around her forearm. With a grunt, he forced her down to her knees, twisting her arm up behind her back. Pain shot through Yaz’s shoulder and elbow, lancing her nerves with needles as Michaels bore down on her, harder and harder. Involuntarily, she cried out.

 

“Let her go.” The Doctor stepped forward again, her eyes like shards of glass.

 

Michaels laughed breathlessly as he put the gun to the back of Yaz’s head, executioner style. “Can you hear that, Doctor? They’re coming. They’re coming for you.”

 

“Bloody hell, just _let her go_ ,” shouted Ryan, pushing past the Doctor towards Yaz.

 

“ _SHUT UP_ ,” roared Michaels. A gunshot punctured his words as he fired into the ceiling. Slowly, deliberately, he lowered the gun back against Yaz. She squeezed her eyes shut briefly, panting to keep the world in focus, the pain in her shoulder intensifying exponentially.

 

Stunned, Ryan fell back again. Something moved at the corner of Yaz’s eye and she looked up.

 

A black, tar like substance had appeared where Michaels had fired his gun, stark and contrasted with the sterile, white ceiling. As Yaz watched, the small puddle grew, spreading viscously over the ceiling before fading away again. Only a thick, oily sheen showed where it had been.

 

“Last chance,” said the Doctor. “Put down the gun. We can still help you.”

 

“You can’t. You can’t stop this now.” His words punctured by pants, Michaels pressed Yaz’s arm further up her back.  “They’re coming for you. The Daleks are coming for you, Doctor. And when you’re gone, this will all be over. They promised.”

 

A pop sounded and Yaz felt something in her arm give, sending a fresh wave of searing pain through her. Blackness clouded her vision like ink dropped through water, tendrils of dark splicing through the color of the world. Distantly, she heard another cry.

 

That wasn’t her.

 

Was it?

 

With a great effort, the greatest she’d ever given, Yaz looked up at the Doctor. Their eyes met, and even though Yaz tried to hide the pain, she knew the Doctor could see it, written as clear as day across her face. Something shifted in the Doctor’s face, in her eyes, as she looked into Yaz’s soul. Something ancient, resigned. Furious. Pain roiled through Yaz again and she gasped, dropping her gaze, putting every ounce of effort she had left into remaining conscious.

 

“Doctor…”

 

The Doctor whirled to River. Before River could protest, the Doctor grabbed her gun out of her thigh holster and spun back away. Carefully, she cocked it, aiming it at Michaels.

 

“I won’t repeat myself again,” said the Doctor. Her hand didn’t shake, her voice unnaturally calm. “Let Yaz go. Now.”

 

“Or what? You’ll shoot me?” Michaels chuckled. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to survive this. I _won’t_ survive this, I’m a dead man walking. And anyway, I’m calling your bluff. You won’t kill me, you hate guns. You said so yourself, not three minutes ago. Besides, are you sure you can get me before I get Yaz, here? In the back of her head, at point blank range? I’m not. So go on. Make good on your threat. I’m waiting.”

 

An eternity ticked by, lasting seconds. The Doctor blinked, then slowly lowered the gun.

 

“You’re right. I won’t shoot you.”

 

She swung her arm back up, the gun unwavering. Kara blanched as the muzzle came to point at her, taking a shaky step backwards, away from the Doctor.

 

The Doctor cocked her head slightly, not breaking eye contact with Michaels. Slowly, she smiled an empty, deadly smile.

 

“I’ll shoot her.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs for the hills to hide forever*


	15. If I throw away my shot, is this how you’ll remember me? What if this bullet is my legacy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys haven't heard by now, there's a really cool project that's been started called thirteenfanzine. its got so many absolutely amazing creators that im stunned by it. you guys might have already seen some prompts that have come out of it, but there is so much more to come and i highly highly recommend giving them a follow on tumblr or twitter. 
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from the world was wide enough, from hamilton

 

“You wouldn’t dare.” Michaels’ voice cut through the haze of pain Yaz felt, horror dripping from every word.

 

The Doctor laughed humorlessly. “Oh, mate. You have no idea what I would and wouldn’t dare to do.”

 

“You’re not from the Time Agency, are you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Doctor,” said Ryan, carefully putting a hand on her free arm. “Think about it. You don’t want to be doing this. Remember what you said to me? On that desert planet that you dropped us on, yeah? Brains beat bullets. Everytime. You said that, Doctor, you said that. Put down the gun. Use your brain. Please.”

 

“Ryan. Leave her,” River said.

 

“But -”

 

“No ‘buts,’” said River, cutting through Ryan’s words easily. “This is her choice, Ryan. You can’t make it for her. Trust me. Trust her.”

 

The Doctor gave no indication that she had heard River or Ryan, her gaze unwaveringly fastened to Michaels’ face, her hand steady in the air, pointing River’s gun at Kara. Gently, River tugged Ryan away from the Doctor. He went reluctantly, casting an uncertain look between Yaz and the Doctor as he obeyed the pressure from River’s hand.

 

“Doctor, listen to your friend,” said Michaels. “Put down the gun, you know it’s useless.”

 

“Is it, though?” The Doctor lifted an eyebrow. “Useless, I mean. Seems to me this is the only thing that’s given you pause. It would be ironic, I suppose. If I shot your daughter, then your entire reason for working with the Daleks goes up in flames. You’ll have lost everything, and you would still have to take full responsibility for what you’ve done, how your actions have hurt people.”

 

“And if you shoot my daughter, I’ll shoot Yaz. You’ll lose, too. What is she to you, anyway?” asked Michaels.

 

“A friend.”

 

Michaels snorted. “Really? A friend? I don’t believe that.”

 

“Believe it or don’t, it makes no matter to me,” said the Doctor. “I care for her. Just as I care for Ryan and Graham and River and so many more. But believe me when I tell you this: even if you kill her, that won’t stop me from unleashing hell on the Daleks. And you. You’ve thrown your lot in with them. I have no mercy left in me for you.”

 

Yaz’s shoulder had gone numb. Vaguely, she knew that Michaels still had her in an armlock, but her head swam too much to register his clammy grip or the press of the gun to the base of her skull. Yet the Doctor’s words pierced through the fog and desperately, Yaz seized on them, focused on them, held to them like she was drowning and they were the only thing between her and the numbness of the dark.

 

“Poor Captain Lee Michaels,” mused the Doctor. “All this time, spent trying to keep a girl you love safe, and now you’re here. All your work, about to be undone, because you pulled out a gun instead of asking for help. It’s sad, it really is.”

 

“And you really think that you can stand against them?” Michaels tossed back. “You. Armed with a borrowed gun that you hate and the vaguest of ideas about morality and war? You’d be annihilated in a second.”

 

“I’ll take my chances, thanks.”

 

Michaels laughed disbelievingly. “I’ve seen what they can do with just one or two of them. There’s hundreds, thousands of them, now. An entire fleet. An army. You’ll lose. Spectacularly. You’re insane. What planet are you _from_ , thinking you can defeat them?”

 

The Doctor’s eyes hardened further.

 

“Gallifrey.”

 

Kara gasped, and for the first time, Michaels looked rattled. Behind the Doctor, Ryan and Graham exchanged a look of confusion. But River… River just looked sad. Like this was everything she had come to dread.

 

“You’re a _Time Lord_ ,” said Kara disbelievingly. “My mum used to tell me stories about your kind, when I was little. I should have guessed it, when you used regeneration energy to heal River. But I thought they were all gone!”

 

“They were all wiped out. The Time Lords _are_ gone,” said Michaels. “How are you here?”

 

“You’re right. The Time Lords are gone,” said the Doctor flatly. “It’s just me, now. So don’t you dare speak to me of loss. I have known more loss than you ever will in your short, small life. Do you know what the Daleks call me?”

 

Michaels didn’t respond, but the gun started trembling against the back of Yaz’s neck.

 

“They call me the Oncoming Storm. The Bringer of Darkness. The Destroyer of Worlds.” The Doctor’s voice had dropped to barely above a whisper, but each word echoed through the room, somehow more terrifying than if she had screamed them. “How do you think I could have gotten those names from creatures that live and worship destruction? You must have seen the terror in them when they heard my name. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have come running down here like you did. And if Kara and Yaz die now, then I will mourn them. I will add them to the blood that already drenches my hands. But don’t think their deaths will stop me. Far from it. They will fuel me and there will be nowhere in the universe, no pocket of time, no place of refuge, that you could possibly hide from me in. Nothing to stop me from making sure you pay for what you’ve done to this planet.”

 

The room held still, reeling from the Doctor’s words. Then, impossibly, she smiled.

 

“So, that leaves us here. Locked in a stalemate, because I’m not going to quit. You take a girl I care about from me, I do the same to you. Or, you let Yaz go, and take the chance that I will stop the Daleks, that Kara will live. It’s your choice, Lee Michaels. What are you going to do?”

 

As Michaels readjusted his grip on the gun shakily, Yaz suddenly became aware of her breathing. How had she never noticed it before? In and out, in and out, hundreds of thousands of times, and she had just taken it for granted. Like so much else in her life. Like the Doctor.

 

Carefully, Yaz tried to catch the Doctor’s eye again, to beg her to stop this, to let Kara go, to do _something_. But the Doctor didn’t look at her, pinning Michaels into a corner with her eyes, her ultimatum.

 

Suddenly, Michaels chuckled.

 

“Well played, Doctor. Truly. Well done. But you forget one thing.”

 

She sighed. “And what’s that?”

 

“I don’t need the Daleks here to do the dirty work.”

 

He shoved Yaz forward, sending her sprawling. Unable to move her arm, Yaz hit the ground hard, powerless to brace herself and stop her fall. Before the Doctor could react, Michaels swung his gun back up and took the shot at the Doctor, the loud gunshot echoing through the room again. Another gunshot rang out and Kara dropped to the ground, the remnants of her cybernetic arm sparking from the sudden disappearance of everything past her metal elbow.

 

“ _Doctor!_ ”

 

She turned to Yaz, expressionless as she finally looked at her again, lowering the gun slowly.

 

“Are you alright, Yaz?”

 

Graham shoved past the Doctor, hurrying to Kara’s side and putting an arm around her. “Bloody hell, Doc, you shot her!”

 

“Just her arm.” The Doctor frowned. “I told you, anything that can be replaced is fair game. And besides, I think she’d have wanted to replace that arm, anyway.”

 

“Why?” demanded Graham. “You had no right to do that and -”

 

“That arm was how the Daleks held her hostage,” the Doctor interrupted him. “Made of Dalek metal, did you not notice that? It wired up directly to her brain - very easy to insert a kill switch. I disrupted the signals, she’ll be fine.”

 

Graham gaped at her. “Bloody hell, how’d you figure that out?”

 

“The sonic picked up a weird signal from her arm,” said the Doctor. “It just took some fine tuning with River for us to figure it out.”

 

“Doctor?” said Graham slowly. “You weren’t actually going to kill her if Michaels shot Yaz. Were you?”

 

The Doctor didn’t respond, studying the gun in her slack grip. At her name, River walked over to the Doctor and gently pulled at the gun in her hands. Without protest, the Doctor let her take and holster it.

 

“Are you alright, Doctor?” asked River quietly.

 

The Doctor nodded. “He missed me.”

 

“That’s not what I meant.”

 

“Did you know about this?” demanded Ryan from River. “Did you know what she was going to do?”

 

“No. Not exactly. I just know the Doctor well enough to let her talk her way through situations like this.” River shrugged. “Benefit of having known her for a few centuries. By the way, do you mind if I take those handcuffs Michaels threw you?” She winked at the Doctor. “Could come in handy later. I’d love to see you actually wear them at some point. And you did promise me I could tie you up.”

 

The Doctor handed River the handcuffs mutely, then crouched next to Yaz.

 

“Here. Let me look at that arm of yours.”

 

Carefully, she helped Yaz up into a sitting position before running her hands gently down Yaz’s shoulder, brow furrowed. Yaz hissed as she hit a sore point.

 

“Sorry,” murmured the Doctor, her eyes on Yaz’s shoulder. “Where does it hurt the most?”

 

“Everywhere,” said Yaz through gritted teeth. “Doctor, what happened to him?”

 

She nodded towards Michaels. He lay on his back, staring blankly up at the ceiling. A thick, oily black substance covered his hands, but as Yaz watched, the substance faded into his skin. Black vines had replaced the veins in his face, snaking morbidly through his body, making ridges and raised tunnels through the surface of his skin. Beside him lay that strange gun, smoking faintly.

 

“Dunno,” said the Doctor without looking. “Might have had something to do with that gun of his. Or how he said he was a dead man walking. We’ll probably never know. Hold still, now.”

 

River glanced at them. “Doctor, you shouldn’t -”

 

“River. Don’t.”

 

Incredibly, River let her protest die as the Doctor closed her eyes, her skin starting to glow again. Relief sank into Yaz’s shoulder, pain disappearing and fading into memory. Yaz gasped, acutely aware of how close the Doctor was, how beautiful and alien she looked with the lights dancing under her skin…

 

_How stupid she was to have lost her temper like that. That should never have happened, she shouldn’t have let her friends find out about Gallifrey like that. God, they were going to leave her, weren’t they. Just like Martha left her. But she couldn’t help it, not with Yaz in so much pain, her eyes filled with fear as that man stood over her with a gun -_

 

“There,” said the Doctor, rocking back on her heels. “How do you feel?”

 

Yaz blinked, rotating her shoulder cautiously. “Better. Thank you. You shouldn’t have done that, though. It would have probably healed fine on its own.”

 

“She’s right, you know. You should listen to her more, she makes sense,” scolded River gently. “Why is it that you never listen?”

 

“I’m too old to listen to lectures from you,” said the Doctor. “Got enough of them on Darillium, thank you very much.”

 

River rolled her eyes as she bent down to riffle through Michaels’ pockets.

 

“Oi! Don’t do that,” said Graham, pulling Kara closer to him. “Have some respect, his daughter’s right here, and she’s been through enough.”

 

“Fine. I think I found what I was looking for, anyway,” said River, stepping back as she pulled a small white box from Michaels’ coat. Digging in her cleavage, she pulled out a metal tube with a blue cap and held it against the box as the tube let out a familiar whine.

 

“Is that a sonic screwdriver?” asked Ryan curiously.

 

“Yeah. Christmas present from my dear husband,” said River, focused on the box. “I’ve found it’s quite useful. In more ways than one would expect.”

 

The Doctor rolled her eyes. “I give you a powerful piece of technology, and you keep it _there_?”

 

“Best place not to lose it,” said River, throwing another wink at the Doctor. “As I’m sure you can attest. And… there.”

 

“What did you do?” asked Ryan.

 

“Disabled the neural control.” River wiggled the little box proudly. “No more mindless drone soldiers, and you can go back to disapproving of their actions and career choice in peace, sweetie.”

 

“What happens now?” whispered Kara. She stared blankly at her father’s body, indifferent to Graham's comforting arm draped around her shoulders that he kept carefully away from her mangled prosthetic.

 

A hush fell over the room as everyone followed her gaze. His thoughts written all over his face, Ryan stared blankly at Michaels’ body too, and with a rush of sympathy, Yaz remembered he had also lost a parent. With a sigh, River tucked the handcuffs and sonic back into her clothes, before dropping the neural control remote on a lab table.

 

“Now?” asked the Doctor. “Now, you take control. There’s going to be a lot of confused people out there, and you have the answers they need. You can stop the Vanishing Disease, you can disable the forcefield and allow interplanetary trade to resume.”

 

“But why me?” asked Kara, turning a plaintive eye towards the Doctor. “Why not someone else, anyone else? Why not you?”

 

The Doctor shook her head.

 

“I’m just a traveler, Kara. Power doesn’t suit me. It never has,” she said gently. “You’ll be brilliant at this, I know you will. When you didn’t know what was going on, you stuck around, even though so many people left. You looked for answers. Well, now you have them. And it’s your responsibility to make sure those answers get to the people who need to hear them, who need them to move forward with their lives. I’m sorry that this is on you. But we’re capable of more than we would ever dare to dream in the hardest of circumstances. You may surprise yourself.”

 

“What will you do?”

 

“Take care of those Daleks, I suppose,” the Doctor said. “Then, who knows? Wherever the wind decides to take me.”

 

She smiled, a bright, sunny smile, all traces of anger gone. Hidden away as if they’d never been there.

 

“Come on, gang,” she said, getting to her feet before offering a hand to Yaz. “We should get going.”

 

Ryan and Graham nodded. As Yaz was about to take the Doctor’s hand, though, she noticed an oily sheen. A black, tarlike sheen on the Doctor’s coat sleeve that spread slowly into threadlike vines, wrapping under and through the fabric, latching onto the Doctor’s skin where she had rolled her sleeves up.

 

“Doctor,” she began. “What’s that?”

 

The Doctor frowned. “What’s what?”

 

She rotated her arm towards herself, searching for what Yaz had seen. As she did so, she shook her head woozily.

 

“That’s odd. I don’t -”

 

The Doctor’s eyes rolled up in her head and she collapsed. Horrified, Yaz lunged to catch her before she hit the ground. But she missed and the Doctor fell into her, knocking both of them sprawling.

 

“ _No!_ ” shouted River, dropping to her knees beside the Doctor and Yaz. Frantically, she gathered the Doctor into her arms and pushed two fingers to her neck to check for a pulse. “No, no, no, this can’t be happening.”

 

Responseless, the Doctor’s head lolled, exposing oil that solidified into thin black vines, crawling up the side of her neck, sinking slowly into her skin. Yaz pushed herself upright and crawled over to the Doctor and River, terror creeping back up her veins. As Ryan and Graham scrambled towards them, too, Yaz pushed her own fingers into the Doctor’s neck.

 

_“Doctor.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to post early cause i have a genetics test in exactly three hours from now. and if i die, at least im taking yall with me.


	16. Fiyero, where are you? Already dead or bleeding? One more disaster I can add to my generous supply

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from no good deed, from wicked.

 

“Is she -”

 

Ryan dropped to his knees beside the three women, hands hovering uselessly over the Doctor’s still form.

 

“No.” River’s voice cracked and she swallowed dryly. “No, she’s got a pulse, she’s breathing. She’s alive. For now.”

 

“What the bloody hell is that thing?” Graham yelped. At his voice, the vines covering the Doctor’s body tightened further, cutting into her skin. A small trail of blood seeped out.

 

Yaz stared uncomprehendingly at the blood, the drops dripping gently, serenely from the Doctor’s neck and splashing onto the floor. They didn’t look real, the bright, gaudy red clashing with the white sterility of the room and tranquility of the Doctor’s still face.

 

“If I had to guess,” said Kara quietly. “I don’t think Dad missed.”

 

A dark look passed over River’s face. With gentle hands that belayed her expression, she carefully passed the Doctor’s body to Yaz, cupping her cheek briefly before getting to her feet slowly. River set her shoulders, then exploded towards Kara.

 

“What the _hell_ did he do to her?”

 

Kara choked as River grabbed her and threw her up against the wall, pinning her by the neck.

 

“River!” shouted Graham, agast. “Let her go, you’re not helping the Doctor by threatening Kara.”

 

River paid him no mind.

 

“What was in that gun?” she demanded, tightening her fingers around Kara’s throat. “Tell me! _What was in that gun_?”

 

“I - I -” Kara spluttered, her face starting to turn red.

 

“River, for God’s sake, let her go, you’re going to kill her,” snapped Graham. “And if you kill her, we know as much as we do now - nothing. The Doctor’s best chance is if you _let her go_.”

 

For a moment, Yaz thought River would ignore Graham again. Then, she suddenly let go of Kara and stepped back, allowing Kara to fall to her knees. Gasping, Kara gingerly touched her throat, where the outline of River’s fingers shone in bright red. River stood over her, coldly folding her arms.

 

“You think having the Doctor hold a gun on you was bad?” she asked Kara emotionlessly. “The Doctor is infinitely kinder than me. She hates killing. Hates death. Me? I’m a trained assassin. Death is all I know. I was ripped from my mother’s arms after I was born and trained for decades in killing. The Doctor took your arm. I’d take your life. Do you understand me?”

 

Kara nodded quickly.

 

Yaz looked away from River. She couldn’t watch her right now. Not with the Doctor finally lying in her arms. Although, these circumstances were certainly not how Yaz had wanted to first hold the Doctor. But with the Doctor’s eyes closed, her face still, she almost looked as though she were just asleep.

 

Assuming that Yaz could ignore the vines still wrapped around the Doctor’s body.

 

Against her will, a tear slipped out of the corner of Yaz’s eye. It ran down her face, clinging tremulously to the bottom of her chin before dropping onto the Doctor’s skin. The Doctor didn’t react as the tear ran down her cheek to her temple, finally disappearing into her hair.

 

“Kara,” whispered Yaz. “Kara, please. Is she going to be alright?”

 

Kara sat up, avoiding eye contact with everyone. “I don’t know. I don’t know what type of gun that was, I don’t know what my father did. I wish I did, but I don't. I’m so sorry.”

 

Another tear forced its way out of Yaz’s eye and she angrily dashed it away. Ryan laid a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it off, tightening her grip on the Doctor.

 

River sighed.

 

“Damn. I think I actually believe you,” she said, raising an eyebrow at Kara. “Fortunately for you.”

 

Kara’s head whipped up and she glared at River.

 

“Don’t you dare go blaming me for my father’s actions,” she snapped. “I had nothing to do with this. I’m sorry your friend is hurt, but my father is dead, there are murderous creatures running around my city, and there’s no one else in charge. So if you’re quite done with threatening me, maybe we can actually focus our efforts on more important things. Such as - oh, I don’t know - getting rid of those Daleks?”

 

Ryan’s jaw dropped as River continued to raise an eyebrow. Kara didn’t waver, staring down River. Finally, River laughed.

 

“I think you’ll do,” she said. “But for the record, the Doctor and I are well past the ‘friend’ stage. So. Got any bright plans for moving forward?”

 

A loud bang sounded in the hallway again. But this time, it sounded louder. Closer. Faintly, Yaz could hear screams floating towards them. And a mechanical voice, one that screeched and grated on her ears, coming closer and closer.

 

**“Exterminate. Exterminate.”**

 

“I don’t think we have a lot of time for bright plans,” said Ryan, casting an anxious look at the flimsy door. “Not with the Doctor like this.”

 

“Right.” River pulled out her gun again. “Here’s what’s going to happen. Kara, is there a back route out of here?”

 

“Yes, but -”

 

“Good. You show these three out, then get yourself somewhere safe. Start rallying your father’s troops, get people off the streets. You three, go back to the TARDIS. Take the Doctor, it’s probably her best chance of survival right now. And if she regenerates, at least she’ll be somewhere safe that she knows.”

 

“Hold on, what about you?” asked Graham.

 

River grinned, then cocked her gun. “I’m going Dalek hunting.”

 

Yaz took a deep breath. “I’m coming with you.”

 

“No, you’re not,” said River, frowning at her. “You need to get back to the TARDIS, I can’t be worrying about keeping you safe.”

 

“I can take care of myself, thanks,” said Yaz, handing the Doctor to Ryan. He took her reluctantly and Yaz stood, folding her arms resolutely. “I’m a police officer. It’s my duty to help people in need.”

 

River sighed. “Yaz, have you ever killed anything?”

 

“Well, I -”

 

“Have you ever even held a gun? Do you think you could look into something’s eyes and kill it?” pressed River. “Do you think you could pull the trigger?”

 

Yaz bit her lip hard, refusing to give River the obvious answer. The pain seared through her lip, but she didn’t cave, couldn’t give in. Yet River must have read it easily, because her face softened and she took Yaz’s hand.

 

“Yaz,” she said gently. “You’re not a killer. Don’t make yourself into one. The only way to stop, to really, truly stop the Daleks is to kill them, no matter how much the Doctor wishes otherwise. And I know that the Doctor would never forgive me if I let you come along. She’d never forgive herself. Go with the Doctor, help her. Let me do this by myself. I’ll meet you lot back at the TARDIS.”

 

Another bang echoed. River whipped around, raising her gun.

 

“Go. Now.”

 

Ryan struggled to his feet, desperately trying to balance the Doctor’s ungainly weight. Graham quickly lent him a steadying hand, taking some of the Doctor’s weight. As they lifted her, the Doctor’s arm slipped off her stomach to dangle loosely, swinging with their movements. For a moment, River’s eyes tracked it as she wavered. Then, obviously making up her mind, River pushed past Yaz and shouldered open the door, throwing a quick smile at them.

 

“This should be fun.”

 

With that, River spun around, sprinting down the hall towards the shouts and blasts.

 

“Come on,” murmured Kara as River disappeared. “We should get going too.”

 

She cautiously poked her head around the door and scanned the hallway, beckoning them to follow. Ryan, still holding the Doctor, followed close on her heels. But Yaz stood rooted in place, River’s words running through her mind.

 

“You coming, Yaz?” asked Graham, pausing at the door. “We haven’t got much time.”

 

“I… yeah. Yeah, I’m coming.”

 

Yaz stepped over Michaels’ body, ignoring the way his eyes seemed to follow her movements. Ignoring the way the vines under his skin seemed to move. Kicking the gun under a machine, Yaz left, closing the door behind her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Where are we?” asked Ryan.

 

He readjusted his grip on the Doctor, holding her tightly against his chest even though his arms had begun to shake from her deadweight. Her head rested against his shoulder, her coat tails, normally so full of life, hanging limply down. Hesitantly, Yaz stepped forward, putting a hand on Ryan’s arm.

 

“Do you want me to take her?” she asked. “You’ve been holding her for a while.”

 

“Are you sure you can support her?” Ryan said.

 

“Police officer, remember?” said Yaz with a wry smile. “And not one of those lazy, pig desk workers, either. Go on, let me have her, you’re exhausted.”

 

Ryan smiled. “Thanks, Yaz.”

 

Carefully, he transferred the Doctor to Yaz, shaking out his arms once Yaz had settled. Still unresponsive, the Doctor’s head lolled back, stretching out her neck. Blinking away tears, Yaz maneuvered the Doctor’s head onto her shoulder, trying her best not to worry about the strange vines that had crept further up the Doctor’s throat and started moving onto her face.

 

Freed from the Doctor’s weight, Ryan ran his hand over the large chamber in front of him. With room enough for five people, the chamber was enclosed in glass. A large control panel attached to the side.

 

“So, what is this?” Ryan asked.

 

“It’s a teleport chamber,” said Kara, making her way over to the control panel. “We’ve got about fifteen of these scattered around the colony. It’s the best mode of transport and your best chance at getting out of here without running into the Daleks.”

 

“We’re gonna _teleport_?” said Ryan, his eyes widening comically.

 

“Yeah.” Kara glanced at him. “Do you have a problem with that?”

 

“No,” Ryan said quickly. “It’s just, you know…” He grinned, affecting a bad American accent. “‘Beam me up, Scotty.’”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing. Never mind.”

 

“Right,” said Kara, giving Ryan a strange look. “Where’s this TARDIS of yours?”

 

“Erm, it’s outside of the forcefield,” said Graham.

 

“Going to need a bit more detail from you than that, Graham,” said Kara. “What direction?”

 

“Erm…”

 

“I don’t know what direction,” said Yaz. “But we came in by that stall selling data chips. I saw you there, Kara, do you remember?”

 

“Okay, got it,” said Kara, plugging in the coordinates one handed, her destroyed prosthetic arm held protectively to her chest. “In you get.”

 

“Hold on,” said Graham. “Where is this going to let us out? And what about the forcefield? Without the Doc, I don’t think we can get through it.”

 

Yaz tightened her grip on the Doctor protectively, her arms already protesting the prolonged period of time with the Doctor’s weight.

 

“I’ll take down the forcefield,” said Kara. “Just like the Doctor told me to. Don’t worry about that. And this will let you out on the edge of the colony, I hope you can find your way from there.”

 

“How do we know that the Daleks aren’t there too, though?” asked Ryan. “Is there a way to make sure? I don’t fancy trying to run for my life with the Doctor unconscious.”

 

Kara sighed.

 

“You don’t know,” she said bluntly. “There’s no way of telling. You’re just going to have to hope that the Daleks haven’t made it out that far.”

 

Ryan shifted in place, uneasy.

 

A trickle of wet dripped onto Yaz’s hand and she looked at it. The Doctor’s scarlet blood leaked from her fingertips, painting Yaz’s clothes with dark spots, as the vines delved further under the Doctor’s skin. Choking back bile, Yaz tore her eyes away from one that moved through the Doctor’s exposed forearm, wiggling its way down to her wrist.

 

“Ryan, she’s running out of time,” said Yaz. “This is our best chance. We have to take it. And if the Daleks are waiting for us… well, if the Daleks are waiting for us, we’re just going to have to improvise. Now come on. Let’s get a shift on.”

 

She pushed past him into the teleport, taking care to keep the Doctor’s head away from the walls. Drawing herself up as best she could, Yaz took a deep breath, staring down Ryan and Graham. Shrugging, Graham joined her, pulling Ryan in with him.

 

“Well, I suppose this is it, then,” said Kara. “Good luck.”

 

“And to you,” said Yaz. “I’m sorry about your father.”

 

Kara dropped her gaze. “Yeah. Yeah, thanks. He wasn’t the best dad at the end, but still.”

 

“I know a little bit about not great dads,” said Ryan. “And even though he might not have been there for you all the time, he was still your dad. And it’s alright to miss him.”

 

Kara nodded, still fiddling with the controls of the teleport.

 

“And Kara?” said Graham. He waited for her to look at him before giving her a soft smile. “I agree with the Doc. You’re going to be brilliant.”

 

As she flipped a final switch, Kara returned the smile tremulously.

 

“See you around.”

 

For the second time that day, the world vanished. Yaz clenched her eyes shut, bracing for the squeezing sensation of disappearance, for the vacuum of the vortex. Burying her face in the Doctor’s hair, Yaz sucked in a breath, filling her lungs with oxygen and the scent of the Doctor’s shampoo. But unlike with the claustrophobia inducing vortex manipulator, she simply felt a soft movement, like the gentle rocking of a boat on a lake.

 

“Woah,” said Ryan. “That was proper teleportation, that was. So much cooler than _Star Trek_.”

 

Yaz lifted her head. They had reappeared in another glass box, but overhead, instead of a white ceiling, the blue sky stretched endlessly. With the sun twinkling and only a few wisps of clouds, Yaz could almost believe they were back on Earth. That was, until she looked around.

 

“God,” whispered Graham. “Do you lot think the Daleks did all of this?”

 

The marketplace was barely recognizable. Before, it had been full of movement, full of life, with sights and sounds and smells everywhere. Now, it looked like a picture out of a magazine piece on the Syrian civil war. Yaz tore her eyes away from one woman lying peacefully on her side, her hair strewn in a halo around her. Except no living person would allow their limbs to be contorted in that manner, to lie that unnaturally still.

 

“More importantly,” said Ryan. “Do you think they’re still around?”

 

Yaz shifted the Doctor higher in her arms.

 

“I don’t know about you two, but I’d rather not wait to find that out,” she said. “Come on.”

 

Ryan pushed the door open, helping Yaz out. As the door swung back shut, Graham caught it, holding it open as he stood frozen on the threshold.

 

“I wish there were some way to help,” he said quietly, eyes fixed on a small, gangly child tossed aside like a discarded doll. “We can’t just leave here like this.”

 

“We’re doing it, Grandad,” said Ryan. “We’re helping the Doctor. And once she’s better, she’ll put this all to rights, you’ll see.”

 

Graham shook his head.

 

“She can’t put that to rights, son,” he said, nodding at the child. “I think that’s beyond even her.”

 

  
  
  


 

 

River tossed aside the cracked gun despondently. Three Daleks sat smoking in front of her, their metal shells blown open. But she’d overloaded her blaster; it was just a piece of junk now, no recharges available.

 

Sighing, she glanced at the soldiers lying around her. When she’d disabled the mind control, she hadn’t considered what that might do to the soldiers. How they would wake up, not knowing where they were, with large gaps in their memories and surrounded by monsters out of a nightmare. One girl had managed to remove her helmet before attempting to run, her hair splayed out in a waterfall of dark brown under her sprawled body, her eyes staring accusingly into River’s soul. Gently, River knelt next to her, closing the girl’s eyes as reverently as she could.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, bowing her head. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. I will honor your sacrifice. I promise.”

 

Her knees cracked as she straightened up and River grunted in frustration. She was getting too old for this and her body was slowly starting to betray her. Even with her augmented lifespan, there was only so much a human body could take over the centuries of abuse she’d put it through. She’d never admit that to the Doctor, of course; an image of the Doctor’s eleventh face, the one she’d married, the first face she’d known, flashed through her mind. An image of how distraught he’d been in Manhattan while realizing how old her parents were getting, how time was marching on without him. How easily the humans broke down.

 

Something rolled under River’s foot and she stumbled. Cursing colorfully, River glared at the stun rod, lying innocently in its cracked, white casing on the ground. She cursed again at it, turning around to walk away before freezing and diving for the rod.

 

As River peeled back the plastic, black metal showed through, seven bars welded together to form a point with a hollow center.

 

“Well, well, well,” she muttered, hefting the Dalek gun in her hand. “I suppose you’ll do nicely for a replacement.” River rolled her eyes. “And this is how I know I’m getting old. Talking to a gun with no one else around. What’s next, talking to ghosts?”

 

A scream echoed from down the long hallway and River dropped into a combat position, aiming her new gun towards the sound. When nothing immediately jumped out at her, River slowly started walking down towards the faint sounds of battle.

 

Faint whimpering came from a door on River’s left. She tightened her grip on her gun, then nudged the door slightly open. A young boy, no more than nineteen, dressed in a soldier’s armor lay on the floor, curled around a wound in his side that pulsed blood. At the door’s creak, he looked up, his terrified eyes latching onto River’s.

 

“Please,” he whispered, shakily raising a pleading hand towards her. “Please, help me.”

 

**“Exterminate.”**

 

A laser hit him, illuminating every bone in his body before fading away. His hand fell limply to the floor, still outstretched plaintively in River’s direction. River regarded him dispassionately, quiet anger slowly building in her heart. She would mourn him later, this boy who reminded her of that boy Ryan, along with that unnamed girl in the hall and so many more. But not now. Not when a Dalek lurked behind the door.

 

Not when she had a job to finish.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was at this point that my beta sent me the following message: "Here’s a suggestion for the next chapter: AND THEN THE DOCTOR AND YAZ LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND KISSED AND EVERYTHING WAS COOL AND THEN RIVER DECIDED TO JOIN IN AND IT WAS GREAT FUN. THE END."
> 
>  
> 
> I laughed in her face.


	17. With so much left to say, I prayed, Lord I ain't finished. Just give us five more minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from five more minutes, by scotty mccreery. yes, i know i named this fic after one of his songs. and now he gets another chapter title. is it lazy? possibly. but im a busy stem major who is dying, im not hunting down more songs than whats in my spotify list. and i like that lyric. so tough. god bless scotty mccreery. and billy currington. i love billy currington i need to name stuff from his songs.........

 

The walk out of the colony was a complete blur. With the marketplace completely destroyed, Yaz couldn’t even recognize where they had come in or anything else. After some debate with Ryan, Graham had picked a direction and set off, leading them over rubble and debris. Debris that included dozens of bodies, each with only minor or no external injuries. Yet there was no doubt that each person had breathed their last, now only blank slates that once held the impression of life.

 

Now, as the buildings gave way to the forest they had walked through only yesterday, so long ago, Yaz picked her way carefully across roots, her mind full of how vibrant, how beautiful the Doctor had been. Only yesterday. And now the Doctor might never open her eyes again, never again ramble on about something so far out of Yaz’s comprehension, her enthusiasm nonetheless so infectious that Yaz could never resist smiling. She might never crash land the TARDIS in an unknown time and planet again, never again run head first into danger without regard for her own safety, never again give Yaz that special, gentle smile whenever Yaz said something unexpected.

 

Never know how Yaz really, truly felt about her.

 

Shifting the Doctor slightly, Yaz bent her head closer to the Doctor’s nose. She’d gone steadily whiter and paler since the lab room, the vines even more stark against her already pale skin, and Yaz tried not to dwell on what that might mean.

 

Yet she couldn’t stop her mind from telling her all the worst possibilities when she didn’t feel the Doctor’s breath on her cheek. Heart in her throat, Yaz fumbled for the Doctor’s wrist, unwilling to touch the strange vines more than she had too, desperately hoping for a different sign, a sign that all wasn’t lost when they’d barely begun to understand anything.

 

A single beat sluggishly pulsed under Yaz’s fingers, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Until she remembered listening to the Doctor’s heartbeat as she fell asleep.

 

The Doctor’s double heartbeat.

 

“How much further?” Yaz asked abruptly.

 

“Not much further, I don’t think,” said Graham. “I hope. Is the Doctor alright?”

 

“How alright do you _think_ she is, Graham?” snapped Yaz.

 

He held his hands up in surrender. “No need to yell, Yaz.”

 

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “It’s just… she’s only got one heartbeat now. One pulse.”

 

“Oh.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That’s not good. That can’t be good. Can it?”

 

Yaz shook her head. “No, I don’t think -”

 

“ _Shhhh_ ,” hissed Ryan, throwing out an arm to catch Graham across the chest. “Look!”

 

He pointed off to the left, towards a slight clearing in the trees. Breath catching in her lungs, Yaz felt her stomach drop at the pepperpot blue shape partially obscured by branches and brush. Thankfully, the Dalek’s back was to them, but even that small reassurance didn’t do much to calm Yaz.

 

“I vote we back away,” whispered Graham. “Very slowly.”

 

“That’s a good idea,” Yaz whispered back. “I agree. Ryan?”

 

“Yup.” Ryan crouched, trying to minimize his profile. “The TARDIS can’t be too far away. Right?”

 

Yaz nodded frantically, hyper aware of the Doctor, the one person she’d seen the Daleks actually fear, in her arms. Edging up the path, Yaz turned slightly, placing as much of herself between the Doctor and the Dalek, shielding the Doctor from view.

 

A crack split the air.

 

Whirling around, Yaz glared at Graham, who stood frozen with his foot on a broken branch.

 

“Sorry,” he whispered, barely breathing.

 

Ryan glanced at the Dalek. “I don’t think ‘sorry’ means much to that thing.”

 

At the crack, the Dalek had turned, its eye stalk glaring down on them, glowing slightly as it spotted them standing like deer in a headlight.

 

**“Exterminate. Exterminate.”**

 

“Never mind that, _run!_ ” shouted Yaz.

 

A blast shot over her shoulder as she turned to follow her own advice, exploding a tree in front of her. Wincing as the shrapnel pierced her arm, Yaz crashed through the brush blocking the path, stumbling slightly. Ryan grabbed her arm, trying to steady her, balance the Doctor’s weight. She bit back a gasp of pain, but she couldn’t afford to shrug off his help now.

 

Another blast rocked the earth, somehow, miraculously missing them. Graham darted a look behind them, paling further.

 

“Why is it following us?” he demanded. “I hate it when things follow us.”

 

**“Exterminate. Exterminate.”**

 

“Oh, shut up,” shouted Ryan. He ducked as another blast shot through the trees, then laughed. “Oi, mate! You missed!”

 

“Why are you taunting it? _Again_?” gasped Yaz, struggling for breath.

 

Ryan laughed again, pulling her forward, but didn’t respond.

 

Suddenly, they burst into a clearing, the sun shining down to dapple the forest floor in bright light. And in the middle, like a beacon of hope, stood the back of a familiar blue box.

 

“Oh, thank God,” said Graham, panting heavily. “I’m getting too old to be running like this.”

 

Ryan ran around the TARDIS to tug on the doors. “It’s locked!”

 

Graham cursed. “How do we get in?”

 

“The Doctor has a key,” said Yaz. “We just have to find-”

 

The Dalek burst into the clearing, another blast shooting past them. Graham stuck his head around the TARDIS before hastily pulling it back again as some brush caught on fire behind him.

 

“I don’t think we’ll have time to find it,” he said. “That thing is right there. What now?”

 

Desperately, Ryan tugged on the doors again, but they remained stubbornly shut.

 

“Let us in!” he shouted, pounding the doors in frustration.

 

Yaz stared at the doors, remembering the Doctor on Desolation. She’d laid her head against it, and the TARDIS had opened. By itself. The way she’d lit up, having one sided conversations with the TARDIS, as if it could really hear her. The way she’d gotten offended when Graham had called it a “thing.”

 

“Please, let us in,” she whispered. Ryan gave her a look but she ignored him, focusing on the TARDIS. “Please, she’s hurt. The Doctor’s hurt and we don’t know how to help her. Please.”

 

For what seemed like the thousandth time that day, Yaz blinked quickly as tears pricked at her eyes. The TARDIS doors remained shut, a silent monument about to witness their destruction.

 

“She always goes on about you,” said Yaz, searching the doors frantically. “She loves you. And she’s about to die. Please. I wouldn’t be asking you if it wasn’t important.”

 

A tree behind them exploded, and Yaz could hear the Dalek approaching, its gears whirring. Exhausted, Yaz collapsed against the TARDIS, her arms shaking under the Doctor’s weight. She couldn’t support her for much longer, but at least she wouldn’t have to, not with the Dalek and certain doom looming.

 

A click sounded and she stumbled as the TARDIS doors swung open. Catching herself before she could fall all the way, Yaz ran up the ramp, laying the Doctor carefully on the floor by the center console. Ryan and Graham piled in after her, Ryan slamming the door and throwing the lock just as a blast shook the doors. The echoes had barely died before another blast hit, rattling the lock. Ryan backed up warily, keeping his eyes on the door as a barrage started, pounding on the TARDIS.

 

“Do you think that lock will hold?” he asked nervously.

 

Yaz shrugged. “It held with the Dalek in Sheffield, didn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, but that was when the Doctor had the shields up.” He glanced around the dimly lit TARDIS. “How do you think they work? Would they still work now?”

 

“Ryan, I think we’re okay, now,” said Graham. “The question is, now that we’re here, what do we do with the Doc?”

 

They all glanced at her, lying still and pale on the hard floor. Wearily, Yaz slumped onto the floor next to the Doctor, pulling her head into her lap gently. Stroking the Doctor’s hair away from her face, Yaz looked helplessly around the console room. It wasn’t lit up as bright as normal, as if the TARDIS was waiting for the Doctor to activate it, to take it off to a new adventure.

 

“I don’t know,” she said. Looking up, she stared at the ceiling. “Do you have any ideas?”

 

“Erm…” said Graham, raising an eyebrow. “Not really, no.”

 

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Yaz said. “I was talking to the TARDIS.”

 

“Do you think it’d work?” asked Ryan.

 

“I don’t know,” she said, returning her attention to the Doctor’s silky hair. “But it’s worth a shot that the TARDIS would know. The Doctor certainly always talks to her like she’s a real person.”

 

As if in response to Yaz’s statement, the TARDIS flicked on a couple of lights, a chirp coming from the console. Ryan ran over to a monitor, then sighed in frustration.

 

“It’s all written in that weird circle thing,” he said. “I can’t read this.”

 

Graham groaned, then patted Yaz on the shoulder. “Are you alright, Yaz?”

 

Yaz nodded, studying the way the Doctor’s hair slid through her fingers instead of the way the vines had slowly made their way up and over her chin, moving towards her cheek. Dried blood caked the Doctor’s forehead in a small trail and Yaz rubbed it away, noting how damaged and singed the Doctor’s clothes looked. Vaguely, she wondered how the Doctor had kept them pristine for so long. After all, Yaz had never seen her change her style, only the color of her shirt occasionally. It was always the same trousers and coat and boots, through muck and explosions and duckings.

 

“She’ll be alright, Yaz,” said Graham, still looking at her in concern. “We’re back in the TARDIS now, we’ll be alright.”

 

“Will she?” asked Yaz, emptily. “Graham, you saw what this thing did to Michaels. Who knows how she’s survived this long. And who knows what this thing even is, anyway. I just…”

 

Her fingers hit a snag in the Doctor’s hair and carefully, she detangled it, patting the Doctor’s hair into order.

 

“There’s so much I wanted to do with her,” she continued softly. “So much I wanted her to show me. So much I need to tell her.”

 

Silence fell, Graham rubbing a comforting circle into her shoulder as Ryan leaned up against the console, watching them. He frowned.

 

“Hold up,” said Ryan, tilting his head slightly. “Do you hear that?”

 

Yaz listened for a second, then shook her head. “Hear what? It’s silent.”

 

“Exactly,” he said. “What happened to that Dalek shooting at us?”

 

Yaz paused, her hand still tangled in the Doctor’s hair as the meaning of Ryan’s words sank in. Uneasy, all three of them turned to the doors in apprehension. Something scraped in the lock and Yaz leapt up, stepping in front of the Doctor.

 

The door swung open and River tumbled through, shutting it behind her. Her clothes were singed and disheveled, a smudge of soot smeared across one cheek. Straightening up, she surveyed the room, raising an eyebrow at Yaz’s protective stance.

 

“Well,” she commented dryly. “That certainly was fun.”

 

“Wait, how did you find us?” asked Graham. “We didn’t tell you where the TARDIS was, did we?”

 

“You didn’t need to,” said River, walking up to the console and starting to flick some switches. “I can always find my way back here. But my, you’ve certainly redecorated, haven’t you, lovely? I love it.”

 

The TARDIS hummed, lighting up the room completely at River’s compliment. If Yaz didn’t know better, she’d call it a happy hum.

 

“How’d you get in, though?” said Ryan. “And what happened with the Daleks?”

 

“Trust me, you lot don’t want to know about the Daleks,” said River, running around the console to type something onto a monitor. “It’d lower your opinion of me. But don’t worry, they’ve been taken care of. They won’t be bothering anyone else on that planet. And I have a key, of course. The Doctor gave me one a while ago. Don’t you have one?”

 

Ryan shook his head, but River didn’t seem to notice. Frowning at the symbols flashing in front of her, River ran a hand through her hair, mussing it further.

 

“Let’s get into the vortex before we deal with that, yeah?” she said, pulling the lever that the Doctor had once pulled with them so long ago. “Probably safer there than just sitting here.”

 

The floor vibrated, but otherwise showed no signs of take off that Yaz had come to expect. Graham joined her at the console.

 

“... River?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Did we take off?”

 

“Of course we did,” she said, pushing a couple of buttons quickly. “Why do you ask?”

 

“What happened to the noise? And all the jolting?”

 

River laughed. “God, you mean the Doctor still leaves the parking brake on? Of course she does. I’m not surprised. She’s always been a bad driver.”

 

“So, all the turbulence is unnecessary?” asked Graham. “Great. Fantastic.”

 

“Oh, you should have seen her face when I told her the parking brakes were on,” said River, throwing a switch. “And she had to admit she leaves it on because she -”

 

“ _Oi_ ,” shouted Yaz. “Maybe you’ve forgotten, but the Doctor is _dying_. So if you’re quite finished making fun of her, then perhaps you might turn your attention to actually helping her?”

 

Graham turned around, guilt painting his face. “Yaz, I’m sorry, I just -”

 

“You what? You forgot?” demanded Yaz. “After all she’s done for you, for us, and suddenly, when she needs us for once, you couldn’t be bothered? And you!”

 

She turned her glare to River, who merely folded her arms, leaning casually against the central console.

 

“Who the _hell_ are you, anyway? You come swanning in here, all charm and gun toting bravado, and say you’re married to the Doctor, but she’s never even _mentioned_ you before. Why not? Shouldn’t she mention that she’s married, if you were really that important to her? And you won’t tell us what you’ve been up to, getting rid of the Daleks, except that you’re an _assassin_. I’m sorry, but I’m having trouble believing that the Doctor would ever marry an assassin. But you won’t even help her now, even though she risked her life for you. She healed you, you would have _died_ without her, and now you just stand there, where she should be standing. And you… what, what are you doing? Just flicking switches. And laughing at her. Bloody hell, _help her_. And -”

 

“And you’re jealous of me,” interrupted River smoothly. “Because I kissed her, because I married her. Because you love her, and here I am, stealing all of her attention and affection.”

 

Yaz folded her arms, anger bubbling beneath her stomach.

 

“Yaz, I don’t have the time to explain my relationship with the Doctor,” continued River. “Not right now. But know that I love her. Just like you do. And I would _never_ turn away from her when she needs me. I can’t tell you why she’s never mentioned me; that’s a question for her. But I am helping her, right now, even if you didn’t realize it.”

 

“What are you doing?” asked Ryan curiously.

 

River jerked her head to indicate the monitor she’d been examining. “As soon as you lot brought her in here, the TARDIS started scanning her. Getting information on whatever that thing is.”

 

“And?” demanded Yaz. “What is it?”

 

“The TARDIS doesn’t know,” said River, scanning the strange circles quickly. “It’s some sort of living creature, that’s for sure. And it has a telepathic connection with the Doctor that it’s using to drain her life force. But beyond that, we’ve got nothing. Maybe if we had more information, I could do more now. But I can’t. And it’s killing me, that I can’t help her.”

 

The anger drained slowly out of Yaz, and she unfolded her arms, straightening up. Digging in her coat pocket, Yaz breathed a sigh of relief.

 

“Actually, I may be able to help with that,” she said, joining River cautiously. “The lack of information, I mean.”

 

River eyed her warily. “How?”

 

“I’ve got this.”

 

Yaz pulled her hand out of her pocket and opened it. In her palm sat a small computer chip.

 

A data chip.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe bet yall thought that was just something i threw out for world building. nah fam, i put a shit ton of effort into the first couple of chapters because they really did influence the rest of the fic. like i foreshadowed the shit out of everything that happened, are you really surprised that something like this popped back up? 
> 
>  
> 
> anyways, kudos and comments are, as ever, very much appreciated


	18. The withered leaves collect at my feet, and the wind begins to moan/Memory, all alone in the moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah hi im posting early cause i got woken up by a false fire alarm cause my apartment is shit. and im also gonna be hella busy tonight and friday and saturday. plus bonus of giving our local river/13 authority, 13stardisfam, a heart attack when she gets the notification that i posted a new chapter while at her actual adult job. hehehehehehe. love you buddy❤️
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from memory, from cats

 

“Where did you get that?” demanded River, snatching the data chip out of Yaz’s hand and examining it.

 

“In the marketplace. There was a merchant selling them,” said Yaz. “The Doctor said she’d never seen so many of them in place before, she was going to show me how they worked once we got back here.”

 

“Did you steal that?” asked Ryan with a grin. “And you, a police officer! Shame on you.”

 

Yaz flushed.

 

“It was an accident,” she protested. “I was just looking at it and then he ran off. It was after Graham sneezed, do you remember? I tried to give it back, but he wasn’t listening to me. And then we had to run and I just… took it.”

 

“You should turn yourself in,” said Ryan. “You’re a hardened criminal now.”

 

“Oi! Keep that up, and I’ll hack and delete your YouTube account.”

 

River wasn’t listening, her attention on a monitor as she inserted the data chip into a slot. Blocks of text popped up on the screen, scrolling quickly by.

 

“Come on, come on,” she muttered to herself, typing frantically on a keyboard. “Please be in here, please, please… _yes_!”

 

Suddenly, River spun and seized Yaz by the shoulders. Before Yaz could react, River pulled her in, crushing their mouths together. Yaz’s eyes widened as she felt River shove her tongue into her mouth, lips moving against hers demandingly. Then, just as abruptly as she had started the kiss, River spun back away, grinning as she typed a few more lines onto the monitor.

 

Shell shocked, Yaz opened and closed her mouth, the feeling of River’s tongue lingering, a blush burning her cheeks. Graham cleared his throat awkwardly as Ryan sniggered at Yaz’s expression. Frozen, she stared at River, who gave no indication that anything out of the ordinary had just happened.

 

“Er… what…” Yaz’s voice cracked and she swallowed. “What was that for, exactly?”

 

“Because you, Yaz, are bloody _brilliant_ ,” said River. She hit one last button and turned around, a smug look painting her face. “I can see why the Doctor keeps you around. But if you ever want a career in archeology, let me know. You’d be a wonderful addition to my team.”

 

“Uhhhhh, okay…” Yaz shook herself slightly. “But, erm…”

 

“It’s here,” said River, jerking her head at the screen.

 

“What?” said Graham, crowding in to look at the text displayed. “You found the vine thing? What is it?”

 

The grin slid slowly off River’s face, and suddenly she looked older than she appeared. Like she had seen so many centuries pass her by, the years wearing lines into her face, worries into her brow.

 

Like the same look the Doctor had worn when Yaz had asked her about her past with the Daleks.

 

“It’s a Mind Reign,” said River. Her shoulders had lost their cocky tilt, sagging slightly in. “God help us.”

 

“What’s a Mind Reign?” asked Ryan.

 

“It’s a parasite,” said River, staring at the Doctor’s still face. One daring vine had crept up to the Doctor’s cheek and wiggled the tip under her skin, blood beginning to bead up. River knelt, wiping the blood away carefully. “It traps you in your worst memories, your nightmares, forcing you to relive them, feeding off your pain. And when it’s exhausted all your memories, all your deepest, darkest horrors, when you’re just a husk of pain and misery, it moves on to reproduce. Leaving you to die. That’s what those balls in Michaels’ gun were - Mind Reign eggs.”

 

“Well, get it off her!” Graham ordered, his eyes wide. “What the hell are you waiting for? An invitation?”

 

“I can’t get it off her,” whispered River, clenching her fist. “If I try to pull it off her, she’ll die. By now, it’s wired itself into her central nervous system, she’ll go into shock if something happens and she won’t be able to regenerate. Not like this. It’s a miracle she’s still alive right now. Most people die within a couple of minutes of exposure, like Michaels did.”

 

“We have to do _something_ ,” said Yaz in desperation. “We can’t just leave her like this, not after everything we went through to get her here.”

 

“We can’t,” said River shortly. “Only the Doctor can save herself. She has to reject the Mind Reign. And knowing her, she won’t.”

 

“Why not?” asked Ryan.

 

“Because she’s always been a stupid, stupid man,” said River. “Ever since I first met her. Since I first fell in love with her.”

 

River froze, then jumped back up, seizing Yaz by the shoulders again. Startled, Yaz tried to take a step back, but River’s fingers tightened, digging into her. A sharp shock of pain rushed through her arm, the shards of wood still embedded in Yaz’s skin burying themselves deeper.

 

“How much do you love the Doctor?” demanded River.

 

“I… what? You’re hurting me!” said Yaz, tugging unsuccessfully at River’s hands.

 

“Answer me! How much do you love her?”

 

“I don’t know, I -”

 

“What would you do for her?” asked River, shaking Yaz slightly. “Is this just a crush you have? Or is it deeper? Think carefully on your answer, the Doctor’s life could depend on it.”

 

“I, erm -”

 

“Well?!”

 

“I don’t -”

 

“ _Answer me_.”

 

“I love her, okay?” shouted Yaz. “I love her so much it hurts. She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met, she’s the _Doctor_. She looks at me and it kills me that she just sees a friend, that she doesn’t see more. And I know that she’ll never love me back, but I don’t care, I just want to be around her. I’d lay down my life for her, and if I could, I’d trade places with her in a heartbeat, because I know she’d do the same for me. Because I love her and _fuck_ it, my life isn’t worth living if she’s not in it. Okay? I love her. Truly, madly, deeply. There, I said it. Does that make you happy?”

 

Breathing heavily, Yaz stared down River, ignoring the pain in her arm. Carefully, River released her, nodding slightly.

 

“Good. That’s… good.” River considered Yaz. “Because I need you to go into her mind and pull her out.”

 

“ _What_?”

 

“You heard me. I’m not going to repeat myself.”

 

“But, but…” Yaz gaped. “You just said the Doctor has to reject the Mind Reign herself. What can I do?”

 

“You can convince her to reject it,” said River. “She’s not going to do it by herself. She needs you, Yaz. She needs you to remind her of what’s waiting for her here, why she can’t die.”

 

“Why me?” asked Yaz desperately. “Why not you? You’re her wife, for God’s sake, she must love you. You should do it.”

 

“I can’t,” said River. “I have to stay out here, to fly the TARDIS, to monitor you. None of you would be able to do that. And yes, I’m her wife. But she didn’t marry me because she loves me, she married me to save the whole of time and space. Because I loved her too much. I’m sorry, but it has to be you, Yaz. There’s no other way.”

 

Lost for words, Yaz dropped her gaze. The Doctor lay by her feet, her face even more ghostly than before. If she didn’t know what was running through the Doctor’s mind, Yaz would have thought she was just peacefully resting. But she wasn’t peaceful. She was being tortured to death as Yaz just stood there.

 

The Doctor needed her. And Yaz would never forgive herself if she didn’t do everything and anything in her power to help her. She’d stood by once, as the Doctor was forced underwater to die. She’d been powerless to help her.

 

Never again.

 

Yaz took a breath, then turned back to River.

 

“How do we do this?”

 

“With this.”

 

River leapt into motion, pulling out a dusty helmet from under the console. Without a word to any of the others, she started fiddling with the TARDIS controls, pulling wires and cords seemingly from nowhere. In a surprisingly short amount of time, River had assembled the contraption. Then, she handed it to Yaz with a gesture to indicate she should put it on.

 

Yaz eyed the helmet warily. “Are you sure this going to work?”

 

“Positive,” said River, plugging a final cord in. “Why?”

 

“I don’t know. It just looks so… slipshod.”

 

“Oi. That’s extremely advanced technology,” said River. “More advanced than anything that Earth will have for the next thirteen thousand years.”

 

“Okay. But how is this going to get me inside of the Doctor’s mind?” asked Yaz, turning the helmet over in her hands. It was surprisingly heavy.

 

“The TARDIS has a telepathic link with the Doctor,” said River. “This will let you tap into that link, possibly also disrupting the bond between her and the Mind Reign. You ready?”

 

“Yeah, I -”

 

“Wait, hang on,” interjected Graham. “Are you sure this is safe?”

 

Having almost forgotten that he was there, Yaz turned to him. He glanced from River to Yaz, then back again.

 

“I mean, if that’s a telepathic parasite and you’re suggesting that Yaz tap into that link, how do you know she won’t get trapped there too?” he asked. “You can’t just ask her to put herself in danger like that. That’s not fair to her. And besides, do you think the Doctor would like it if Yaz got hurt while trying to rescue her? I bet she’d be livid, especially after everything that happened back in the hospital.”

 

“The Doctor’s not here, Graham,” said Yaz quietly. “She can be livid all she wants, if that means that she survives. But this is my choice. Don’t take that away from me.”

 

“He’s got a point, Yaz,” said Ryan. “Who knows what the Mind Reign will do to you?”

 

“Well, have you got a better idea?” she asked.

 

“No, but -”

 

“Then we’re going with this one,” said Yaz resolutely. “I won’t just let her die. Not if there’s a possible chance to save her, no matter how dangerous it might be. She wouldn’t hesitate to do it for any of us, you know that. And she warned us that coming with her would be dangerous. We all agreed to come anyway. This is nothing I didn’t sign myself up for.”

 

“Yeah, but Yaz -”

 

She ignored Ryan, flipping the helmet around in her hands. Taking a deep breath, she crammed it onto her head. It hung loosely, slightly too big. For a moment, she felt ridiculous, a child in their parent’s clothes. Then the world disappeared.

  
  
  
  
  


Ryan swore as Yaz dropped like a rag doll. Darting forward, he caught her. She hung limply in his arms as he carefully lowered her to the ground, unable to support her weight after the amount of running and carrying he had done that day. Silently, he cursed his dyspraxia, his muscles that always seemed to betray him when he needed them the most. Yaz’s eyes stared blankly at nothing.

 

“Hey! Yaz, can you hear me?” He shook her slightly. “Yaz!”

 

She didn’t respond. Swearing again, Ryan grabbed the helmet.

 

“ _Don’t_ ,” shouted River. “Don’t take that helmet off.”

 

“Why not?” demanded Ryan. “We need to talk more about this, we can’t let her just jump into this blind.”

 

“I’m with him,” said Graham. “You’ve told us next to nothing about how this works, you owe it to us, to her, to the Doc, to explain everything you know.”

 

“Ryan, she’s wired into the TARDIS now, I have no idea what would happen if you yanked her out before the TARDIS lets her go,” said River frantically. “Her mind could get trapped in the TARDIS matrix and then both Yaz and the Doctor will be gone forever. Leave her alone, it’s too late for any more discussion.”

 

“So, what now?” he challenged, spinning around to River. As Ryan let go of the helmet, Yaz’s head thunked against the floor, her eyes still open and vacant. “We just sit and wait for her to come back out? Or for both of them to die?”

 

River sighed. “Yes. That’s exactly what you do. You can’t help either of them. It’s up to Yaz, now.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so confession time: i actually stole the idea of a mind reign from supergirl. but i tweaked it a bit, because the black mercy in supergirl trapped the person in their happiest memories. and i was thinking about the doctor and was like.... well thats no fun to trap her in her happy memories. lets make it painful. but that's actually why i named kara that, as a little nod towards kara danvers and the thing that helped inspire this entire story. because the daleks and the phages and all that came later - having yaz go into the doctor's mind to rescue her with river present was the original idea. 
> 
>  
> 
> i promise, no more early chapters. next chapter will be up sunday. what did yall think?


	19. My wings are frayed and what’s left of my halo’s black. Lucky for me, your kind of heaven’s been to hell and back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from hell and back, by maren morris. seriously, i love her voice so much (you may know her from the song that was fucking EVERYWHERE over the summer, the middle) and you may be sick of her but seriously her album is so good and she has a song called the feels and it is such a bop. i love it.
> 
> wow, recommending a bop prolly isnt the right tone i should be setting for this chapter. lol

Yaz blinked. The wind rushed through her fingers, combing her hair back into a streaming banner behind her. It rushed through the long grass, rippling in waves across the expansive plain towards the towering mountains in the background.

 

Frowning, she spun on the spot slowly. There was something familiar about this place, she just couldn’t place it.

 

Hoofbeats pounded behind her and Yaz dove out of the way just in time, as a group of men on horseback galloped past her. Sunlight glinted off the rifles they held on their shoulders, refracting and shifting as they moved with their horses’ motions.

 

Slightly shaken, Yaz watched them ride off into the distance. Then, with a muttered curse, she started running after them. Her best bet to figuring out where she was probably lay with them. After all, it wasn’t like she had any other direction or sign to work off of.

 

Her legs ate up the ground, carrying her in leaps and bounds after the men. Laughing, she crested a streambed with ease, landing lightly alongside the riders. Wind whipped harder through her hair, pushing her forward, pulling her hair back in a dark trail behind her. Keeping up effortlessly with the riders, Yaz breathed in the fragrant air happily as they climbed a hill.

 

Yaz paused when she reached the top, allowing the riders to pass her. Before her, the valley spread out in majesty, endless plains of long grass billowing gently, empty except for her and the riders.

 

And two figures, standing outlined on the hill across from them.

 

One was a young man, his dark skin stark against the pale green of the grass and his uniform. The other, a woman, in a long, pale blue coat, her coat tails flapping dramatically in the wind.

 

“Doctor!”

 

Yaz sprinted down the hill, outstripping the riders easily. Grinning wildly, she ran up to the Doctor, sliding to a halt in front of her. The Doctor frowned slightly, her eyebrows scrunching up adorably.

 

“Are you okay?” asked Yaz frantically. She scanned the Doctor quickly, finding no sign of any black, tar like oil or vines. No sign of the Mind Reign. “Oh my God, Doctor, I thought you were going to die. How did we end up here? Where is here, anyway? Never mind, that doesn’t matter, are you hurt?”

 

The Doctor didn’t respond, her eyes fixed on a point behind Yaz. Gently, Yaz reached out to touch her arm.

 

“Doctor?”

 

As Yaz reached out, the Doctor took a step forward. And through Yaz.

 

Yaz gasped as her hand sank through the Doctor’s arm, the outline blurring slightly when the Doctor pushed past her.

 

“What the… how did you do that?” asked Yaz, spinning to follow the Doctor. But still, the Doctor didn’t respond, scrunching her eyebrows harder at the approaching horsemen.

 

Desperately, Yaz grabbed at the Doctor’s arm again, only to find her hand pass through the Doctor for the second time. Yaz pulled her hand back, opening and closing it experimentally. It felt normal to her. Everything felt normal. Except for, strangely enough, she wasn’t breathing hard. After her run with the men on horseback, shouldn’t she be panting at least a little bit?

 

And for that matter, how had she kept up with those horses? Much less outstrip them without even breaking a sweat.

 

Frowning, Yaz turned to the man next to them. Her stomach gave an unpleasant jolt when she saw his face, also studying the men approaching their small group.

 

“Prem?”

 

Prem gave no indication that he had heard her either. Still in his wedding finery, he stood his ground stoically, the flowers around his neck ruffling slightly in the breeze.

 

“Oh my God, she did it,” said Yaz slowly. “River did it. I’m in your mind, Doctor. I’m _in your mind_.”

 

Running back around in front of the Doctor, Yaz searched the Doctor’s face anxiously.

 

“Doctor, please, you have to wake up,” she begged. “This isn’t real, this is a dream from the Mind Reign. Doctor, please, you have to see this isn’t real. Doctor!”

 

With a loud thundering, the horseback riders finally caught up to them, reining in hard, forcing their horses to toss their heads in protest. As one, all of the men leveled their guns at Prem. He stared them down emotionlessly.

 

“They’re going to kill me, Doctor,” he said.

 

“I know,” said the Doctor. The wind tossed her hair across her face, hiding her mouth, her eyes shining brightly through.

 

“Save me. Please,” said Prem, turning to face her.

 

“I can’t,” said the Doctor. A tear leaked out of one corner of her eye, clinging to her eyelashes. “This is a fixed point in time. I can’t change it.”

 

“You’re a Time Lord,” said Prem. The glint of the guns flashed across his face, but he gave no indication that he cared. “The last of the Time Lords. The laws of time are yours to command. How can you say that you can’t save me?”

 

“Doctor, this isn’t what happened,” Yaz said desperately. “Prem died honorably, it wasn’t your fault. This is just some fake fantasy. Doctor, can you hear me?”

 

“I can’t.” Another tear leaked out of the Doctor’s eye. It hung heavily on her eyelash, before the combined weight of the two tears forced them down her face. “I’m so sorry. I can’t save you.”

 

Prem nodded solemnly. “Then my blood is on your hands.”

 

“I know.”

 

The crack of the guns rang out across the Punjab, scarlet blooming across the grass. Prem’s empty eyes stared deep into the Doctor’s, a silent accusation. She stared back, another tear leaking out as the men lifted their guns back against their shoulders.

 

“His blood isn’t on your hands, Doctor,” whispered Yaz. “If anything, it’s on mine. I begged you to take us here, I made you stay for longer than the hour you wanted to. If I didn’t exist, you would have been free to save him. I’m so sorry.”

 

The Doctor didn’t move, the wind suddenly dying out to leave a ringing stillness across the plain. In vain, Yaz yearned to reach her, to wipe her tears away, but her hand simply couldn’t touch her, passing ghostlike through the Doctor again.

 

The Punjab faded to darkness, everything in the world disappearing again.

  
  
  
  


Yaz stumbled slightly as a car zipped past her, horn blaring angrily. Grey buildings had popped up all around them as people around Yaz’s own age milled about a small quad.

 

“Doctor?” asked Yaz, despite knowing that the Doctor wouldn’t respond. “Where are we?”

 

Looking around, Yaz saw one person walk past a sign bearing a logo.

 

“St. Luke’s University?” Yaz frowned. “What are we doing here?”

 

“Oi! You daft old man!” shouted a girl’s voice. “Over here!”

 

The Doctor turned, her face aging when she saw the owner of the voice. Yaz whipped around too, spying a tall black girl waving enthusiastically at them.

 

“Who’s that?” asked Yaz. The Doctor smiled sadly.

 

“Hello, Bill.”

 

“Well, well, well, look at you,” said Bill as she ran up to them. “I see you decided to regenerate, then.”

 

The Doctor nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear robotically. Bill grinned.

 

“I must say, I very much approve,” she said. “Much nicer to look at then grumpy, old Scottish grandfather. Although, if you had looked like this when I met you, I don’t think I would have ever been able to talk to you. Or attend your lectures. I might have swallowed my tongue if you’d ever looked at me. Because… wow. I’m gay. Like, really, really gay. A completely useless lesbian.”

 

Yaz snorted. “I like her. Did you travel with her, Doctor?”

 

Predictably, the Doctor didn’t respond, staring at Bill as if she couldn’t believe her eyes.

 

“Although,” continued Bill. “It might have been better if I’d never spoken to you. Then you could have never dragged me off to the greater universe, to wonders I’d never dreamed of. To dangers. To my death.”

 

“I tried to warn you off from hanging around me,” said the Doctor, crossing her arms protectively across her chest. “After Clara… I tried, Bill. I tried.”

 

“Not hard enough,” said Bill. “Because of you, I became a Cyberman. I died, because of you. Because you took too much time to get to me. And here you are, alive and young and beautiful. Do you even think of me anymore?”

 

“All the time,” whispered the Doctor. “Bill, I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s your fault, Doctor. Your fault I died.”

 

“Doctor…” said Yaz uselessly. “Please, wake up. You have to reject this. That’s not your Bill, it’s not. Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault.”

 

The world shattered again.

  
  
  
  


Yaz sat up with a gasp, fragrant grass moving around her, the scent of apples floating up to her nose.

 

Apples…

 

She scrambled to her feet, brushing off the pieces of grass that clung to her jacket. Blue skies floated over her head, cars zipping in and out of the clouds. In the distance, a shining city rose on a hill, the skyscrapers disappearing into the heights of the sky.

 

“Where am I?” she muttered to herself. Then, a name popped into her mind.

 

New New York.

 

Scanning the grass, Yaz spotted two figures about a kilometer away, lying side by side on a hill overlooking the view. With a sigh, Yaz resigned herself to crossing the vast field.

 

She blinked. The figures had suddenly moved closer, yet it didn’t feel like she had moved. And they certainly hadn’t, too wrapped up in each other.

 

They lay on the Doctor’s coat, the Doctor stretched out with her hands behind her head. The girl with her had cuddled up next to her, laying her head on the Doctor’s chest, tracing the stripes on her shirt lovingly. A head full of blonde hair.

 

“I’ve seen this before,” said Yaz, frowning. “Where have I -”

 

She cut herself off, realization dawning.

 

“Doctor, that’s Rose, isn’t it?” Yaz said. “I’ve seen this before. You showed it to me. Why did you show it to me?”

 

“So, where are we?” asked Rose.

 

The Doctor grinned. “More than five billion years into your future. After the Earth was destroyed, your lot got nostalgic and built this place. New New York.”

 

Rose picked her head up, hovering over the Doctor. “I remember the Earth being destroyed. That was our first date, remember?”

 

“Yeah,” said the Doctor softly. “I do. We had chips.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah we did.” Rose laughed brightly.

 

Watching Rose avidly, the Doctor didn’t respond, pulling one hand out from behind her head to stroke Rose’s cheek carefully. Tentatively, the Doctor moved her hand up, running her fingers through Rose’s hair, as if in disbelief that she could. That Rose would let her touch her, hold her. Rose’s laughter died out, her gaze dropping to the Doctor’s lips. Hesitantly, Rose lowered her head, her lips hovering an inch above the Doctor’s, eyes sliding shut.

 

Thunder cracked, turning the blue sky to deep grey instantaneously. Rose and the Doctor jumped apart, scrambling to their feet to stare at the thunderstorm clouds rolling in. As the wind started to howl, whipping their hair into their faces, the Doctor and Rose stumbled, buffeted by gusts that sent the Doctor’s coat flying into the distance. Yaz, unaffected by the gale, watched it spin up into the air, a splash of bright color against the dark, grey world.

 

Rose screamed. The air in front of them split in two, rent apart by a deep nothingness that swallowed all light.

 

“Get behind me,” shouted the Doctor, reaching for Rose.

 

Desperately, Rose lunged for the Doctor’s hand, but a gust caught her, throwing her towards the black void, pinning her to the ground. She struggled futilely against the wind, but slowly, it pushed her backwards.

 

“Doctor!” screamed Rose. “Doctor, _help_.”

 

“Rose!”

 

The Doctor charged forward, diving across the ground towards Rose. But the wind seemed to create an impenetrable wall, trapping the Doctor behind it. Horrified, the Doctor banged on the air, stretching for Rose.

 

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, Rose slipped backwards, dragged through the grass. The smell of apples rose through the air, tauntingly.

 

“ _Rose_ ,” shouted the Doctor again, her voice cracking. “Rose, take my hand. Please, take my hand.”

 

“I can’t!” Rose scrabbled at the ground, seeking a finger hold, a crevice to hang on to. “Doctor, please, I don’t want to go, I don’t want to leave you -”

 

She screamed again as she slipped a couple of feet closer to the void. Unable to simply watch anymore, Yaz ran to Rose, grabbing at her hand. Yet her fingers simply passed, ghost like, through Rose.

 

“Rose, hang on, please just hang on,” begged the Doctor. “I’m coming, I -”

 

With one final, horrified, desperate look, Rose slid the final few feet into the vacuum. It shut behind her, leaving no sign that it, or Rose, had ever existed.

 

“ _Rose._ ”

 

The wind died out, releasing the Doctor. She scrambled to her feet, running to where Rose had disappeared as the sun poked mockingly through the clouds. Spinning frantically on the spot, the Doctor grabbed the back of her head, burying her fingers desperately in her hair.

 

“ _ROSE!_ ”

 

Yaz lifted a hand to the Doctor’s shoulder, before remembering and lowering it uselessly. Taking a gasping breath, the Doctor dropped her hands, a mask falling over her face. Yet she couldn’t stop a tear from escaping, meandering its way down her face.

 

“Doctor,” said Yaz. “Doctor, I’m so sorry. But this isn’t real. I know it’s hard, but you have to reject this.”

 

The Doctor ignored her. Sighing, Yaz stepped closer before doubling over in pain.

 

_“River! What’s happening to her?”_

 

Graham’s voice crackled through the air, filtered through with static like he spoke on an old radio. Frowning, the Doctor searched the surrounding area, eyes skipping right over Yaz.

 

_“I don’t know, her vital signs are jumping all over the place, I can’t -”_

 

With an effort, Yaz straightened back up.

 

“Doctor, we’re running out of time!” she shouted. “Doctor, you have to listen to me, we -”

  
  
  
  
  
  


A blast shot through the air, exploding a building. Ducking, Yaz covered her head with her arms as rubble tumbled down, crashing into the ground. Screams permeated the air as dust swirled gently, coating everything in a white layer. The sky was painted in an orange glow, reflecting the fires raging around her.

 

No, that wasn’t right. Yaz squinted at the sky.

 

It wasn’t reflecting the fires’ orange glow; it _was_ orange, two red suns hanging serenely next to each other. The light refracted off of a high glass dome above her, the tall buildings that still remained framing it majestically.

 

A woman ran past her, knocking Yaz back a few steps. Dragging a child by the hand, the woman disappeared into the gloom as another blast streaked past her. Yaz watched her run, stunned at the desolation that surrounded her.

 

What was this doing in the Doctor’s mind?

 

Spinning, Yaz squinted through the dust, feeling it settle and coat her eyelashes. The Doctor was nowhere to be seen. Although, Yaz was hard pressed to see anything more than a few meters down the street in either direction, the flames and dust blocking most paths of escape. Throwing one last glance around the street she had end up on, Yaz turned to follow the woman, picking her way over the shattered blocks that threatened to trip her.

 

A gust of wind blew past her, temporarily lifting and clearing away the smoke and soot and Yaz slowed to get her first, good look at where she had ended up.

 

Around a large, empty square, buildings stood abandoned like jagged teeth, framing a cracked, dry fountain that leaked red from the base. Glancing into the basin, Yaz blanched, frantically trying not to retch. A child lay there, the back of his head a bloody pulp, the blood trickling through the cracks in the stone. Yet his face was strangely peaceful, his skin covered in a sheen of dust.

 

And the boy wasn’t the only one lying dead; men, women, and children of all ages lined the cracked pavement. Some lay under blocks of stone, crushed where they had fled. Others had bullet holes or scorch marks on them, their blood staining their clothes. Yet still others had no blemish on them. They simply rested where they had mysteriously fallen, some with frozen looks of fear on their face.

 

Coughing from the dust that had started to settle again, Yaz backed away, the fallen people’s eyes tracking her movements. She closed her eyes briefly, unable to handle looking at the dead, but the images were seared onto the back of her eyelids, haunting every movement of her eyes.

 

Opening her eyes up again, Yaz scanned the street for the Doctor. She still was nowhere in sight. Suddenly, pain ripped through Yaz’s chest, her heart stuttering for a few terrifying seconds before resuming a normal beat.

 

_“Yaz! Yaz, hurry up, we’re losing -”_

 

Ryan’s voice cut out. Despite knowing that Ryan probably couldn’t see her, Yaz nodded, then took off down a random road, leaping over rocks and bodies with heedless abandon.

 

“Doctor! Doctor, where are you? _Doctor!_ ”

 

As Yaz rounded a corner, she almost tripped over a crying child. Barely able to keep her balance, Yaz stopped.

 

“Hey,” she said, crouching next to the girl. “Where are your parents? Can you hear me?”

 

The girl didn’t respond, her eyes fixed on something over Yaz’s shoulder. Quickly, Yaz whipped around to see the Doctor standing there, a big, red button sitting on a pedestal in front of her.

 

“Doctor, come on,” Yaz said, running up to her and waving a hand in front of her face. “We have to get out of here, Ryan said we don’t have a lot of time left. Doctor! Why can’t you hear me? Please!”

 

The Doctor didn’t even flinch, her eyes fastened on the child. Gasping in silent sobs, the child stared back, her face ghostlike under the flickering firelight and dust. Another blast shot through the air, exploding behind the child. Still, neither the child nor the Doctor started, locked in a staring matching.

 

“Please,” said the girl. “Help us.”

 

The Doctor nodded. “I am.”

 

“Doctor, what are you doing?” asked Yaz. The Doctor bowed her head, then, the child tracking her every movement, slammed the red button.

 

The world exploded in a shatter of light.

  
  
  
  
  


Water dripped, echoing through the tunnels steadily. The dank, musty air pressed into Yaz’s nose, catching in her lungs, the only light coming from flickering lamps strung along the walls. Yaz took a shuddering breath, her nightmares crowding back into her mind. Beside her, the Doctor scanned the tunnels urgently, clenching hard to her sonic.

 

“Doctor,” said Yaz. “What -”

 

The Doctor turned to her, her face lighting up.

 

“Yaz!”

 

Yaz gaped. “You can see me? It’s about time, I’ve been -”

 

“Doctor!”

 

Grinning, the Doctor pushed past Yaz, running towards the oddly familiar voice, her coat tails flapping behind her. Confused, Yaz turned. Her heart leapt into her mouth.

 

Because at the long tunnel’s intersection, another Yaz stood there, smiling as the Doctor ran towards her. Except it wasn’t quite her; the other Yaz looked almost exactly like her, but she looked… perfect. Radiant. Like this other Yaz had her inner beauty shining through her face, lighting it up in a way Yaz had never seen on her own face in the mirror.

 

She was stunning.

 

Suddenly, the Doctor paled. “Yaz, look out!”

 

Other-Yaz turned, backing up quickly as she saw Michaels step out from the other tunnel, holding a gun at her head. He cocked it silently, regarding Other-Yaz curiously. The Doctor ran faster, reaching out for Other-Yaz.

 

The crack of a gunshot rang out and Other-Yaz dropped, a small hole in her temple. Blood trickled out, spreading in a large puddle around her body.

 

“ _NO,_ ” screamed the Doctor, collapsing to her knees beside Other-Yaz. Desperately, she gathered her into her arms, heedless of the blood staining her coat. “Yaz! Yaz, please, no, don’t leave me, not you too…”

 

But Other-Yaz stared blankly, the lamp light reflecting dully in her eyes. Carefully, Yaz walked over to the two of them, kneeling in front of the Doctor. Ignoring the sight of her own dead body, Yaz searched the Doctor’s face.

 

“Doctor, I’m right here,” she said quietly. “I haven’t left. And I won’t ever, I promise. If you just wake up. And hear me.”

 

A tear ran down the Doctor’s face. Slowly, the Doctor bent her head, resting her forehead against the blood covered forehead of the Yaz that lay in her arms.

 

“I’m so sorry, Yaz,” she whispered. “You should never have been here, this is all my fault.”

 

“It’s not,” said Yaz, clenching her fist in her lap, longing to touch the Doctor. “It was my choice to follow you. Mine. And whatever happens, I would never regret that.”

 

Another ripple of pain shot through her chest, migrating up towards her head. Yaz gasped, burying her head in her hands, clenching her eyes shut.

 

_“Doctor, can you hear us? Yaz has been gone too long, too much longer and you’ll both die. Wake up, you stupid old man, WAKE UP.”_

 

Concentrating on River’s voice, Yaz curled her fingers roughly in her hair, letting the pain center her, distract her from the ripping sensation in her chest.

 

“Please, Doctor,” she whispered. “I think we’re out of time. And you can’t even hear me, there’s so much I need to tell you.”

 

A hand hesitantly touched her arm.

 

“Yaz?”

 

Yaz shot her head up to find the Doctor mere inches away, staring at her with a scrunch in her eyebrows. Glancing between the Yaz in her arms and the Yaz in front of her, the Doctor tightened her grasp on Yaz’s arm.

 

“Yaz? Is that you?”

 

“You can see me?” asked Yaz, her jaw dropping. Quickly, she grabbed the Doctor’s shoulder, laughing deliriously when her hand didn’t sink through it again.

 

“Of course I can see you,” said the Doctor, scrunching her eyebrows harder. “But how are you -”

 

“Doctor, we don’t have time for that,” said Yaz quickly. “Listen to me, this isn’t real. You got hit with a Mind Reign and now this is just a nightmare it’s forcing you to live in. You have to reject it, now.”

 

The Doctor shook her head slowly. “What? Why? And how do I know that you’re Yaz? How do I know what you’re telling me is true?”

 

Yaz sighed impatiently. “What else would I be?”

 

“I don’t know. A Zygone? A figment of the Mind Reign? If there is even a Mind Reign on me. Aren't those just a myth, anyways?” The Doctor pulled away, clutching the dead Yaz closer to her chest. “You could be anything and anything you say could be designed to hurt me more. My Yaz is dead. She’s right here.”

 

“Yes! Yes, I’m right here, but I’m not dead!” Yaz grabbed her shoulders, shaking her slightly. “Doctor, you have to wake up. Reject this reality. I’m begging you, please, wake up.”

 

The Doctor shook her head. “No. This is Yaz. I don’t know what you are, but you’re not her. Besides, if there is a Mind Reign on me, then fine. It’s my time to go. Give me some peace at last. Life is hell. Torture. I don’t think I can go on. Let me rest with my ghosts. Please.”

 

Pain ripped through Yaz again and she curled inwards. A look of doubt flashed across the Doctor’s face as she watched.

 

“What have you got to lose by believing me?” demanded Yaz. “I’m telling you, I need you. Ryan needs you, Graham needs you, River needs you. The universe needs you. Sorting out fair play, remember? That’s your job. Who would do it if you left?”

 

_“River! What’s happening to Yaz?”_ shouted Ryan’s voice. The Doctor frowned.

 

_“We’re losing her,”_ said River. _“The TARDIS won’t be able to keep her tethered to her body much longer, she needs to get out now.”_

 

“River?” asked the Doctor, searching the air. “Yaz? Are you alright?”

 

With an effort, Yaz straightened.

 

“No! No, I’m not alright,” she said, glaring at the Doctor. “I’m in your head, trying to rescue you and you _won’t believe me_ because you think you deserve this hell. Look, I may not know everything about your past, but the woman I know, the woman I see, is kind and wonderful and amazing and does _not_ deserve this, no matter what she thinks.”

 

The Doctor shook her head. “You don’t know what I deserve.”

 

“I do!” Yaz groaned in frustration. “And if you don’t believe me, then you heard River, we both die. You think I’m not real, but is there the slightest, smallest chance that I am? And if you don’t do what I tell you and reject this reality, then my blood really is on your hands. There’s nothing for you here. That Yaz in your arms is dead. But come with me, wake up, and all of this will just be a nightmare. And we’ll both live. So if you won’t live for yourself, then live for me. Live for me, Doctor.”

 

Stars burst across her vision and Yaz, unable to support herself anymore, collapsed to the ground.

 

“Yaz!” The Doctor suddenly leaned over her, pulling her into her arms. “Yaz, I don’t know, I -”

 

With the last of her energy, Yaz lifted a hand to the Doctor’s cheek, wiping away a tear track.

 

“At least I’m with you,” she murmured, searching the Doctor’s eyes.

 

The Doctor huffed. “Why do you say that?”

 

“You told me you’d be there for as long as I need you, Doctor. And I need you now. Because I lov-”

 

The world faded to black.

  
  



	20. Do you hear the people sing, lost in the valley of the night? It is the music of a people who are climbing towards the light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i survived my sorority drama but now theres new drama. it never ends. so here. have a chapter. distract me from this sorority.
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from les mis finale

 

Yaz’s eyes flew open. Choking, she rolled onto her stomach, pressing her forehead to the blessedly cool TARDIS floor. The helmet fell over her face, askew, and Yaz yanked it off, letting it bounce away.

 

“Yaz!” said Ryan, putting a hand to her back. “Are you okay?”

 

Yaz choked another few breaths down, her lungs burning and raw. Unable to answer, she closed her eyes, concentrating on one breath in, the next out.

 

“Yaz?”

 

“Give her some space, son,” said Graham. “Let her breathe.”

 

Ryan sat back on his heels, but didn’t argue.

 

“You stopped breathing for a bit, Yaz,” he said quietly. “What happened? What took so long?”

 

Yaz shook her head. “Doctor…?”

 

Her voice cracked, as if the dust and smoke still clogged her throat, as if she’d actually been screaming for the Doctor. Ryan rubbed her back gently.

 

“Why don’t you look for yourself?”

 

With a tremendous effort, Yaz raised her head shakily. Long black vines had shriveled up on the floor, like decomposing snake sheds with small specks of blood flecking their length. River knelt among them, helping the Doctor up into a sitting position. Bowing her head, the Doctor closed her eyes, her hair falling into her face as she gently pushed away River’s hands. Yaz gaped at the wound at the nape of the Doctor’s neck, blood and clear fluid trickling down from it and staining the back of her coat.

 

“Sweetie…” said River hesitantly. “Are you…?”

 

“I’m okay, River.” The Doctor pushed her hair back, her ear cuff glittering brightly in the light. Slowly, she raised her head, locking eyes with Yaz. “I’m okay.”

 

Yaz swallowed, relief flooding her as the Doctor dropped her gaze, burying her face in a hand. Looking unconvinced, River stepped away to fiddle with the landing lever, giving the Doctor the space she obviously wanted. Graham frowned.

 

“Where are we, River?” he asked.

 

She threw a final lever, then jerked her head towards the doors.

 

“Why don’t you go find out?” she said.

 

Sighing, Graham walked to the doors, opening them with a creak.

 

“Blimey. That’s… wow.”

 

Ryan glanced towards the open doors, then got to his feet, offering Yaz a hand. Taking a few more steadying breaths, Yaz accepted it, allowing Ryan to pull her upright. He wrapped his arm around her waist quickly, helping her to support her weight. She tottered a few steps, feeling the strength return to her muscles with each heartbeat. Before she walked down the steps of the central platform, though, Yaz paused to look at the Doctor.

 

“Are you coming?” she asked quietly.

 

The Doctor scrubbed her face quickly, then looked up. Casting a glance at River, who still stood behind the console, the Doctor gave Yaz a hollow smile.

 

“Always.”

 

With surprising agility, the Doctor rose to her feet, giving no indication of the pain she must be in from the wounds the Mind Reign had inflicted. Trails of blue and purple snaked through her neck and exposed forearms, with beads of dried blood where the Mind Reign had pierced her skin and raw, red welts wrapping the bits where the vines hadn’t managed to tunnel under. River leapt forward, hands hovering behind the Doctor’s back, ready to catch her if she fell. Kicking the dead vines aside, the Doctor ignored River, stepping outside to frown at the landscape.

 

Yaz followed her, leaning slightly on Ryan, unable to stifle a gasp of awe. They had landed on a cliff overlooking a vast plain littered with rocks. Off in the distance stood two towers, framed majestically by a sun that was starting to peak up over the horizon. Like they had been hewn from one solid piece of rock, the towers guarded the landscape silently.

 

“Where are we, Doctor?” asked Ryan, his eyes wide. Behind him, River leaned against the TARDIS door frame, crossing her arms as she watched the Doctor’s reaction.

 

The Doctor shoved her hands into her pockets.

 

“Darillium. We’re on Darillium, and those are the Singing Towers.” Turning to River, the Doctor lifted an eyebrow. “What are we doing here?”

 

River shrugged. “I thought you might need to be reminded of the beautiful things in life.”

 

Walking out of the TARDIS, River joined the Doctor at the edge of the cliff. A wind picked up, tossing their hair gently around their faces.

 

“Why are they called the Singing Towers, Doc?” asked Graham.

 

She smiled sadly. “Just wait for it.”

 

The wind blew stronger. As they stood there in the weak rays of the dawn light, silence echoed. Faintly, a voice began to drift from the towers, growing stronger with the wind. Other voices soon joined it, not with any words, but with the language of music that transcended any barrier. Music that wound through the air, through the wind. Blues and pinks painted the sky, lifting the bars of music higher, further. The sun crept further up the sky, a bright yellow sun that washed warmth over them, underpinning and enhancing the wind’s cool touch. Rising and falling, the song reverberated, settling into Yaz’s soul. As the melody and harmonies intertwined, building a crescendo, Yaz saw Graham surreptitiously dab his eyes.

 

“That’s beautiful,” whispered Ryan, his eyes full of wonder.

 

“It’s just the wind,” said the Doctor. “Probably. No one really knows exactly where the song comes from. The towers have been here for millions of years, watching time march steadily past, and still, no one knows. But when the wind blows through the caves of Darillium and the stars are just right… you can hear it. Calling you home.”

 

They stood in silence, letting the song wash over them. Not wanting to break the spell, Yaz glanced to the Doctor. Her eyes were fastened on the towers, her silhouette outlined against the rays of sun. A tear leaked from the corner of her eye.

 

“River,” the Doctor continued. “What are we doing here? Really.”

 

River bit her lip shyly. Hesitantly, she lifted her hand to touch the Doctor, coming within an inch before dropping it again.

 

“I don’t know what you saw just now,” she said. “With the Mind Reign. Not exactly. But I know that whatever it was, you probably felt as though you deserved it. Deserved the pain.” She nodded towards the towers. “But you brought me here, to show me the beauty in this world. The same beauty you’ve shown me since the day we met. And you gave me time, twenty four years of it, to show me that my life isn’t all just danger and swashbuckling and death and pain. There’s love. And there’s you.

 

“We were happy here, weren’t we? The best night of my life. And it wasn’t because of the towers, it wasn’t because of the Christmas dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was because of you. The star I never expected anything from, yet nonetheless gave me everything.”

 

The Doctor didn’t respond, another tear leaking out. River folded her arms.

 

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked quietly.

 

“No,” said the Doctor. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything exactly right.”

 

“Then why are you crying?”

 

The Doctor shook her head mutely.

 

“Doctor, what aren’t you telling me?” said River. “Does it have to do with the stories, that our last time together would be here? Because you know those are probably nonsense. Right?”

 

The song echoed hauntingly, dying out slowly as the wind settled. The last vestiges faded away to nothing, leaving only their small group to witness it.

 

“Doctor?”

 

“Spoilers.” The Doctor’s voice cracked as she refused to look at River.

 

River choked back a sob. “Doctor, please, tell me what you know. And you do know something, don’t you dare deny it.”

 

“I know a lot of things,” said the Doctor. “And yet I’m still so ignorant about others. No one can know everything, River. Life doesn’t work that way.”

 

“Fine.” River turned back to the towers. “Let me travel with you.”

 

“What?”

 

“Let me travel with you,” repeated River. “Just for a bit. Just so -”

 

“No.”

 

Yaz flinched at the steel in the Doctor’s voice. Taken aback, River whirled towards the Doctor, who didn’t react.

 

“But -”

 

“I said no.”

 

“Why not, Doc?” asked Graham. “She saved our hides back there, we’d all be dead without her. You included.”

 

“Because I said so.”

 

“You begged me to come with you after my parents died,” said River, accusatory. “You couldn’t stand the thought of me leaving. Well, here I am now, asking to come with you. What’s changed? Why not now?”

 

“Everything’s changed, River,” said the Doctor. “That was then. This is now. What more needs to be said? Besides, don’t you have a job that you need to put a team together for?”

 

River groaned in exasperation. “That? That can wait. For God’s sake, you have a time machine, I could travel with you for years, then go back to that like no time passed at all.”

 

“What job is it?” asked Ryan.

 

“Hmm? Oh, I don’t really know.” River pulled a face. “Some idiot named Strackman Lux wants me to take a team to the Library, but won’t tell me why. And I refused to sign his contract, so he’s been extremely tight lipped about the whole thing. Especially since everyone who was last there a hundred years ago vanished.”

 

Yaz tilted her head. “ _The_ Library? What makes it _the_ Library and not just a library?”

 

“It’s the biggest library in the galaxy,” said River. “I’m surprised the Doctor hasn’t taken you there yet. After all, aren’t books the best weapons in the world?”

 

The Doctor didn’t rise to River’s bait, continuing to survey the towers. River put a hand on her arm.

 

“Doctor, please,” she whispered. “I don’t want to leave you. Not right now.”

 

“We don’t always get a choice in that,” said the Doctor unyieldingly. “The fixed force of time cannot be stopped. Everything has its time, and we are not gods, to change events as we will. All songs must end. All rivers must reach the sea. We had our time, River, and we can’t go back to that night on Darillium, no matter how much you may wish it.”

 

“So is this it?” demanded River. “Is this the last time I’ll see you? You heal me with your regeneration energy, I get rid of the Daleks for you, and now we’re done? Is that all I’m worth to you?”

 

The Doctor sighed. “River, we never know how events will play out. But there is always hope. You can always call for me. And I will always do everything in my power to help you. But now is not the time for you to travel with me. Our paths diverge here, and who knows what the future holds. The only way to know for sure is to live it.”

 

River shook her head in disbelief.

 

“I hate you,” she whispered.

 

The Doctor chuckled. “No you don’t.”

 

Turning away from the towers, the Doctor smiled at Ryan, Graham, and Yaz.

 

“Come on, then, fam. Time to go.”

 

She disappeared into the TARDIS, leaving the doors swinging behind her. Uncertainly, the three of them exchanged glances before looking awkwardly at River. She smiled sadly.

 

“You lot better get a shift on,” she said. “The Doctor doesn’t like waiting.”

 

Graham smiled at her hesitantly. “Right. Well, thanks for everything.”

 

“Yeah,” agreed Ryan. “We’d be dead in those sewers if it weren’t for you. So really, thanks.”

 

River waved a hand dismissively. “Think nothing of it. Just do me a favor and keep an eye on the Doctor. She doesn’t do well, travelling alone. Keep her company for as long as you can.”

 

Ryan nodded solemnly. “We will.”

 

He turned to walk into the TARDIS. Graham gave River an awkward, small wave before following him. As Yaz started to join them, River put a hand on her arm, holding her back.

 

“Could I have a word, Yaz?”

 

“I…” Yaz glanced between River and the boys, waiting for her by the TARDIS. “Yeah. You two, go on. I’ll catch up with you in a bit.”

 

They nodded, disappearing into the TARDIS like the Doctor. Yaz waited apprehensively, but River didn’t say anything, blinking back a tear.

 

“What is it?” prodded Yaz gently. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

 

River sighed, dropping her hand to fold her arms.

 

“You know, I’ve known the Doctor for centuries,” she said. “Since I was born, really. My parents used to travel with the Doctor, like you’re doing now. And in that time, in all of the adventures we’ve done, all the danger we’ve gotten ourselves in, she has never told me she loved me. Not even once.”

 

Yaz tried not to let her surprise show on her face. Whatever she’d thought River might say, this wasn’t it.

 

“And for the longest time, I didn’t care,” continued River. “I never thought that loving me would even cross her mind. She’s the Doctor. She doesn’t go around falling in love, that’s almost beneath her. Too normal. Too human. You love her like you love a fire; you admire its beauty, its fierce, raging nature. But you don’t get too close, or you’ll get burned. And it certainly won’t ever love you back. Loving the Doctor, travelling with the Doctor, means that you see the stars. But the stars will outlast your time with her. When you’re dust, they’ll still be there, and the Doctor will be showing them to someone else.”

 

Yaz shifted uncomfortably. “Why are you telling me this?”

 

“Because you need to hear this,” said River. “Because you love her, and loving the Doctor, truly loving her, is not easy. She’ll never tell you she loves you, either. Deep down, though, she does feel something for you. I don’t know if it’s love; only she can answer that. But she looks at you the same way she looks at me.”

 

“And how does she look at you?” asked Yaz.

 

River smiled sadly. “Like time’s running out. Like she’s counting down the seconds until you break her heart, just as everyone else who has travelled with her has done. Like you’re a dream she’s scared will pop if she touches you.”

 

“I don’t want to break her heart,” said Yaz. “I’m not going to. I want to stay with her forever.”

 

“But forever for you doesn’t mean forever for her,” said River gently. “And you’ll break her heart because of the very thing that attracts her to you: because you’re human. Because you simply won’t live as long as she will.”

 

“So what are you saying?” demanded Yaz. “That it’s pointless to love her? That I should leave her to prevent heartbreak? I think it’s a little too late for that. I don’t care that she’s an alien, or a Time Lord, whatever that means. I don’t care that she’s got a long past and a long future. As long as we have now, as long as we have time, then I’ll be happy.”

 

“Hold on to that, then,” said River. “Hold on to your love. To the time. Because you’re never going to hold her and know she’s yours and only yours. She’s going to be pulled in all directions, and you’ll have to share her throughout the universe. You’ll have to share her with everyone in her past that she’s loved. But in between the danger, in between the heartbreak, you’ll have moments. Moments of happiness. Of love. And if that’s enough for you, then good. Then you are worthy of her. You just have to convince her she’s worthy of you.”

 

River’s words ran through Yaz’s mind, setting her head spinning.

 

“What are you telling me?” asked Yaz desperately.

 

“Yaz.”

 

The Doctor stood in the doorway of the TARDIS, a mask hiding her emotions as she registered how close Yaz and River were. She’d rolled her sleeves down, hiding the mess the Mind Reign had made of her arms, yet she couldn’t hide the welts on her neck. Stuffing her hands into her pockets, the Doctor gave them a half smile.

 

“Time to go.”

 

Yaz looked back at River. “But I still need to ask you so much.”

 

River shook her head.

 

“She’s right, Yaz. It’s time for you to go. For me to go.” She placed a kiss on Yaz’s cheek. Yaz touched it, the imprint burning into her cheek. River smiled sadly then walked over to the Doctor. “Say it.”

 

The Doctor tilted her head. “Say what?”

 

“You know what.”

 

The Doctor shook her head. “No.”

 

“Doctor. Please. I know you don’t like endings. But just say it. For me.”

 

She searched River’s face heavily, her eyes catching on River’s lips. Reluctantly, the Doctor nodded.

 

“Until next time, then. Professor River Song.”

 

River smiled and leaned in, planting a slow, lingering kiss on the Doctor’s mouth, tangling her hand gently in the Doctor’s shirt.

 

“Goodbye, Doctor,” she whispered. Then, she stretched up to the Doctor’s ear, whispering something too quietly for Yaz to hear. An ageless look passed over the Doctor’s face, a look of infinite grief, as River smoothed her shirt again. River stepped back and pressed a button on her vortex manipulator. “Goodbye.”

 

She disappeared without a trace, leaving the Doctor and Yaz alone on the vast plain. The sun had risen more fully, banishing the final shadows of the night.

 

“What did she say to you?” asked the Doctor quietly.

 

“What did she whisper into your ear?” Yaz countered.

 

The Doctor shrugged.

 

“Fair enough,” she said with a small huff.

 

The Doctor stepped back into the TARDIS. Taking a final look at the plain, Yaz felt a finger of wind stir her hair, a line of music floating gently through it. As she walked back through the TARDIS doors, Yaz softly stroked the frame, letting the sun warmed wood ground her. Then, she shut them with a final, soft click.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments? kudos?


	21. I know I'm only human, don't know how many sunsets I got left. And I don't wanna ruin this moment by wondering what comes next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think you guys will like this one. i really really do. also posting early cause i promised 13stardisfam i would (by the way, DID YALL SEE THE THING SHE DREW ME??????? IF NOT GO LOOK HERE https://thirteenstardisfam.tumblr.com/post/184564009657/smallest-art-dump-ever-top-drawing-done-tonight )
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from keeping score, by dan + shay, kelly clarkson

 

The familiar wheezing the TARDIS made sounded as the Doctor programed in a new destination. Without looking at anyone else, the Doctor ran around the console, steadily keeping her balance when the TARDIS started rocking.

 

Graham cursed as he stumbled. “Oi! Doc! Could you maybe steady us out a bit?”

 

She didn’t respond, hunched over some controls as the TARDIS shook harder and harder. Already a little unsteady from the long day, Ryan lost his footing, crashing to the floor with a nasty thump. Desperately, Yaz clung to a pillar.

 

“Doctor! What’s going on?” shouted Ryan.

 

“Sorry! The TARDIS isn’t happy right now,” said the Doctor, flicking more switches to no avail. Suddenly, she reached under the console, pulled out a large hammer, and started swinging it into the controls. “Stop it! Stop, stop, stop, _stop_.”

 

She punctured each word with a slam, the TARDIS shooting up sparks in protest at each hit. Bits of metal and plastic flew into the air, freed from their positions on the controls. Groaning and creaking, the TARDIS shuddered, then suddenly ceased shaking. Yaz and Graham both stumbled at the jolt. Gingerly, Ryan got back to his feet.

 

But the Doctor didn’t stop slamming the hammer into the TARDIS, pounding and pounding and pounding, the crashes booming through the room.

 

“Doctor,” said Yaz quietly. But she didn’t respond, continuing to smash the console to pieces. “Doctor! You can stop now.”

 

With a cry, the Doctor flung the hammer into the depths of the TARDIS, a resounding crash echoing down the halls. Panting heavily, she stood, staring at the mess she had made of the console. In the ringing silence, Yaz slowly walked over to the Doctor. Gingerly, she put a hand on the Doctor’s arm.

 

The Doctor flinched at the contact and Yaz quickly pulled away, hiding her hurt at the Doctor’s reaction.

 

“Are you alright, Doctor?” asked Ryan. Graham shot him an unamused look and Ryan raised his hands defensively. “What, Gramps? It’s a valid question. I’m concerned for her.”

 

“Ryan, son,” said Graham. “Not right now.”

 

The Doctor didn’t give any indication she had heard either of them speak, her chest heaving, her hair in disarray. With a shock, Yaz saw the wound at the nape of her neck had broken open, blood pulsing sluggishly down her back again. The fresh scarlet mingled with the rustsy, dried blood already staining the Doctor’s coat, matting in her hair.

 

“Doctor, you’re bleeding,” said Yaz. “Let me help you. Please.”

 

Jerkily, the Doctor touched the back of her neck, staring uncomprehendingly at the blood clinging to her finger tips. Yaz pushed the Doctor’s hand down so she couldn’t keep staring blankly at it, tangling their fingers together, heedless of the Doctor’s blood. When the Doctor didn’t protest the contact, Yaz reached under the console to grab a first aid kit. Ryan tracked her movements and Yaz grimaced helplessly at him.

 

“You got this, Yaz?” asked Graham.

 

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, I got this. Go to bed, guys, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Pulling the Doctor by the hand, Yaz led her down the TARDIS hallways, away from the boys’ prying eyes. Their footsteps echoed along the long corridors. Yaz didn’t really know which way they were heading, but she trusted the TARDIS to lead them where they needed to go. Yet to her surprise, Yaz found herself outside of her own room. The door was slightly cracked, even though Yaz didn’t remember leaving it open when she had left it yesterday.

 

Yaz hesitated, unsure at how the Doctor might read being pulled into Yaz’s room after everything that had happened in her mind. After Yaz had all but confessed to loving the Doctor while lying in her arms.

 

_Fuck it._

 

She pushed the door open determinedly, as if to make up for her moment of indecision. Listlessly, the Doctor obeyed the pressure on her hand, following Yaz in.

 

Quickly, Yaz kicked a discarded bra into a corner, slightly embarrassed. The Doctor didn’t seem to notice, sitting down on the foot of Yaz’s bed. She braced her elbows on her knees, burying her head in her hands. Carefully, Yaz closed the door and sat next to her, examining the wound on her neck.

 

“Doctor?” she asked. “Do you mind taking off your coat? It’s in the way, a bit.”

 

At Yaz’s words, the Doctor shrugged off her coat, letting it puddle on the bed. Yet she still gave no sign that she had noticed or even cared that Yaz was next to her. Yaz brushed the Doctor’s hair away from her neck gently, hissing in sympathy at the nasty wound. Tendrils of blue and black bruises snaked out from the entry point, spreading down the Doctor’s back and shoulder. Another small spot of blood stained the Doctor’s shirt over the middle of her back, directly opposite where her heart would be if she were human. Biting her lip, Yaz hovered over the spot she hadn’t seen when the Doctor had had her coat on, before sighing.

 

“Doctor, you’re going to have to take off your shirts too, if that’s okay,” she said quietly. “We should clean those wounds. Who knows what that Mind Reign did to you.”

 

Finally, the Doctor turned and looked at Yaz, raising an eyebrow.

 

“You know exactly what the Mind Reign did to me,” she said flatly. “You were in my mind.”

 

“Yeah, I… that’s not… I mean,” stuttered Yaz. “I meant physically. What it could have introduced into your body.”

 

The Doctor sighed, then seized the back of her shirts at the neck, pulling them over her head smoothly to leave her in only a bra. Yaz jumped, guiltily jerking her eyes away from the broad swaths of muscle rippling in the Doctor’s back. The swaths of muscle spotted with bruises, welts, and small specks of blood. Quickly, Yaz seized the first aid kit and opened it to look for something to wipe the blood away.

 

“Why did it dig into your skin?” asked Yaz, gently touching an antiseptic wipe to the open injury on the Doctor’s neck.

 

“To establish the telepathic connection,” said the Doctor, not even flinching at the sting of the alcohol. “It tunneled into my central nervous system, locking itself into my neurons to feed. I can still feel the remnants of it in my mind, like a tick that’s been ripped away and leaves its head behind.”

 

Yaz looked up, alarmed. “Does that mean it’s going to come back? Or hurt you more?”

 

“No.” The Doctor sighed. “It’s gone. It’s just scar tissue, now. Scar tissue that will take time to fade completely.”

 

Unsure of how to respond to that, Yaz moved on to the wound on the Doctor’s back, trying to keep her hands clear of the Doctor’s bra and skin as much as possible. The Doctor returned to staring blankly at the wall, allowing Yaz to finish cleaning her cuts without protest or comment.

 

“There,” said Yaz. She stared at the cleaned holes for a moment, then turned away.

 

“Thanks,” said the Doctor robotically, grabbing her shirt and starting to put it on again.

 

“Hold on, Doctor, don’t you want a clean shirt? That one is filthy,” said Yaz, putting her hand on the shirt before the Doctor could pull it over her head. The movement pulled at the splinters still in her skin that she had all but forgotten about, and she involuntarily hissed.

 

“You’re hurt,” said the Doctor quietly. She put her shirt down and lifted Yaz’s arm towards her, frowning at the splinters. “How did this happen?”

 

Yaz shrugged, then winced as the splinters shifted. “The Daleks were shooting at us when we were trying to get you back here. One shot exploded a tree.”

 

The Doctor didn’t respond, digging in the first aid kit for tweezers to start removing the wood. Scrunching her eyebrows in concentration, the Doctor was surprisingly gentle, holding Yaz’s arm in place as she started pulling the splinters out. Yaz felt her breath catch in her throat when she realized how close they were. How she could see the Doctor’s chest subtly rise and fall because it was not obscured by clothes. How warm the Doctor’s skin was against hers, how long her eyelashes were.

 

Feeling the scrutiny, the Doctor looked up, her face stilling when she saw Yaz’s, only inches away. Yaz’s brain short circuited, her gaze captured by the way the Doctor’s lips were slightly parted. Before her brain could protest, before she could talk herself out of it, Yaz leaned forward, catching the Doctor’s mouth gently with hers.  

 

The Doctor’s lips were soft and full, and Yaz pressed closer to the Doctor. Raising one hand to cradle the Doctor’s cheek, Yaz blissfully closed her eyes. Heat flooded her body, along with a sense of satisfaction as she finally, _finally_ , got to touch the Doctor in the way she’d wanted to for so long. The way she’d dreamed of countless times. The Doctor’s body, her presence, overwhelmed Yaz, drowning her in emotions she never thought she’d ever have the chance to act on.

 

But almost immediately, the Doctor pulled back slightly, bowing her head to avoid Yaz’s eyes. With a flash of horror, Yaz realized she hadn’t responded to the kiss.

 

“Yaz…”

 

“Doctor, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” Yaz rushed to say as red suffused her cheeks. “That was wrong, I -”

 

The Doctor put a hand over Yaz’s mouth, cutting off her words before she could dig herself deeper into the hole she’d ended up in. Still avoiding eye contact, the Doctor sighed.

 

“Yaz, I can’t do this. Not right now, and not to you.”

 

Since the Doctor’s hand still covered her mouth, Yaz didn’t respond. But when the Doctor didn’t continue, she pushed her hand down.

 

“What do you mean, not to me?” asked Yaz. “I get that you might not want to deal with this right now, not after River and the Mind Reign, but -”

 

“Yaz.”

 

The Doctor cut off Yaz’s rambles, her hair falling into her face. With a jolt, Yaz realized she was still holding the Doctor’s hand and dropped it like it had burned her. Sighing again, the Doctor crossed her arms over her bare stomach before continuing.

 

“How much did you see? In my mind, I mean. My memories. How much did you see?”

 

Yaz shrugged uncomfortably.

 

“Not much, I don’t think. I don’t know. I saw Prem. And Bill. And Rose. And those sewers, where…” Yaz bit her lip. “But that’s it, pretty much. Except for some big button you pushed.”

 

The Doctor nodded heavily.

 

“Then you saw enough to know that people who get close to me tend to get hurt,” she said quietly. “And you only saw a fraction of the people in my past, people I’ve lost. People who died because of me. You could have been killed by going into my mind today. You almost _were_ killed, and it’s a miracle you’re not insane.”

 

“What makes you say that?” asked Yaz.

 

“Because I’ve had my friends accidentally gain access to my mind before. And it ended badly.” The Doctor tightened her arms protectively over her stomach. “The last person to share my mind was Donna. Humans can’t share a Time Lord’s conscious without consequences, you weren’t designed for that. She would have burned alive if I hadn’t interceeded.”

 

“What happened to her?” Yaz asked, apprehension rising in her throat. “What did you do?”

 

“I wiped her memory,” said the Doctor, finally looking Yaz in the eye. The weight of the universe shone in the Doctor’s face. “Everything that we had done, everything that she had seen and learned, everyone she had touched in our journeys… gone. Every and any trace of me, erased, as if we’d never met. But the alternative was her dying, every neuron in her mind melting. And that could have happened to you. It _should_ have happened to you, but I suspect the TARDIS protected you somehow. Regardless, you never should have been put in that situation, and that’s my fault for taking you with me. My fault for sucking you in to this. My fault for letting River push you into that.”

 

“River didn’t push me into anything,” said Yaz. “It was my choice. Mine. Not River’s, not yours. Mine, and one that I’d make again in a heartbeat. And besides, I’ve already shared your memories before and it didn’t do anything to -”

 

“ _What?_ ” The Doctor seized Yaz’s shoulders. “When did you share my memories?”

 

“I - when you read my mind, back in the lab,” said Yaz. “At least, that’s what I think happened. I saw Rose, in New New York, before you ever mentioned her. Even though I didn’t know who it was or anything. I just sort of saw it. And…”

 

Yaz trailed off, blushing. But the Doctor pushed off the bed, walking away a couple of steps and running her hands through her hair in frustration.

 

“Yaz, I’m sorry, that’s my fault, I let my guard down around you too far. You should never have seen that, I should have been more careful,” said the Doctor, making a vexed noise. “ _God_ , I’m so stupid. I need to be more careful around you, you’re going to end up hurt, and I should _never_ have let things get this far.”

 

“What things?” demanded Yaz. “Because if you’re talking about travelling with you, I need you to know I don’t regret a second of it. Not one. It’s been the best time of my life, seeing all these amazing things. With you.”

 

“And that’s exactly what I’m talking about.”

 

The Doctor spun back to face Yaz, her hands still buried in her hair. Dropping them, the Doctor crossed her arms over her stomach again and Yaz was suddenly, forcefully reminded that the Doctor still had not put on a shirt again.

 

“I’ve known that you had a crush on me for a while,” said the Doctor bluntly.

 

Yaz’s stomach plummeted. Soundlessly, she worked her mouth, trying desperately to come up with something to respond with.

 

“Oh.”

 

_Real smooth, Yaz._

 

“Yeah.” The Doctor shifted uneasily. “I didn’t say anything because I was hoping that it was just a crush, that you’d get over it. But it’s not a crush anymore, is it. And that’s my fault for not telling you in the first place that anything between us would just end badly. For both of us.”

 

“Bloody hell, will you stop saying everything is your fault?” Yaz exploded, leaping off the bed to glare at the Doctor. “Because not everything is on you. I chose to come with you. I chose to try to save you. I chose to fall in love with you. I knew the dangers. But _I don’t care_. Can’t you see that? Why are you trying to take away my freedom to choose? I have the right to choose how I spend my life, how I risk it. None of that is your fault, none of that is on you.”

 

The Doctor stared at her.

 

“You love me?”

 

Yaz snorted. “What, like that hasn’t been obvious? Yes, I love you, Doctor. Even if it’s going to end badly. And if it does end badly for me, then fine. I’ve learnt my lesson, I’ve grown. And then I get to choose again because this is my life and only I get to dictate how it goes.”

 

“But you might not get the chance to learn from your mistake,” said the Doctor quietly. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Yaz, I’m just trying to protect you. One day, you might make a mistake to save me because of your feelings for me. And then you’ll _die_ , Yaz. You’ll die, and that’s it for you. No more choices about your life. And I’ll be left to continue on like I always have to continue on. Alone.”

 

“Then why did you come back?” asked Yaz, throwing her hands in the air. “You asked me to leave you to die. Why didn’t you just let go? Why did you reject the Mind Reign? How did you know it wasn’t real?”

 

The Doctor’s shoulders slumped, curling in protectively over her body.

 

“Because you were about to tell me you loved me,” she whispered. “You thought you were going to die and you were telling me you loved me as your last act. Something like that would never have occured to me. And the Mind Reign just amplifies what’s already in my mind, in my nightmares. So if I hadn’t rejected the Mind Reign, I would have taken you to your grave. And I couldn’t… I just couldn’t…”

 

Something pressed on Yaz’s chest, winding bands of emotion tightly around her ribs. Stepping closer to the Doctor, Yaz took her hand, pulling it gently away from where she had wrapped it around herself. The Doctor’s hand shook slightly as Yaz stroked it with her thumb, her eyes unnaturally bright with unshed tears.

 

“I’m okay, though,” murmured Yaz. “I promise. You didn’t hurt me.”

 

“I could have. So, so easily.”

 

“Doctor, you can’t live in fear of how something might hurt someone you care about,” Yaz said. “You’d miss out on so much. That’s later, that might never happen. But right now… right now, Doctor, what do you want? You can’t tell me you don’t feel anything for me. Remember, I was in your mind. I saw you holding me last night, and your thoughts. You’re pushing down something. I don’t know exactly what, but I know there is something. But that, that something, doesn’t matter to me. Not really. Because all I want is time. Time with you, and I’ll take however much of that I can get. I don’t care whether you want something more romantic from me, or if you just want to stay friends. Because I just want to travel in the TARDIS as long as I can. With you.”

 

“Why aren’t you scared?” whispered the Doctor. “You should be scared.”

 

Yaz frowned. “Scared of what?”

 

“Of this. Of travelling in the TARDIS.” The Doctor freed her hand, taking a step away from Yaz. “Of me.”

 

“Why should I be scared of you?” Yaz started playing with her fingers, already missing the Doctor’s hand in hers. But the Doctor pushed hers deep into her pockets, hiding them from Yaz.

 

“There’s so much you don’t know about me,” said the Doctor. “I’m not a good person. I’ve done… awful things. You saw a glimpse of it at the hospital and another glimpse of it in my mind. You love the person I show you, the mask, not who I really am.”

 

“You’re right.”

 

The Doctor flinched slightly at her words, but Yaz pressed on before she could respond.

 

“There’s a lot I don’t know about you. But, Doctor, those things you say you’ve done? Those were literally done by another person. Another man. Right? And I never knew those men; I can only tell you about the person right here, the woman I know. You. And that woman is kind, and smart, and generous, and selfless, and… and the best person I’ve ever met. And that’s who I fell in love with.”

 

Heart thundering in her ears, Yaz searched the Doctor’s face frantically. The Doctor tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, swallowing hard, an unreadable look in her eyes.

 

“I don’t need to know about your past,” continued Yaz. “And you don’t ever need to tell me more about it. But if you ever do, then I won’t judge you for your past actions. I’ll still love you, no matter what. I told you, I’m with you until the end. But you never answered my question. What do _you_ want, Doctor?”

 

The Doctor didn’t move, didn’t answer. She just stood there, lips slightly parted, staring at Yaz.

 

Then she surged forward, burying her hands in Yaz’s hair as she crushed her mouth to Yaz’s, pulling their bodies flush against each other. Yaz stumbled slightly from the sudden press of the Doctor against her, before seizing the Doctor’s arms desperately. As the Doctor pushed her tongue into her mouth, Yaz’s head swum, drunk on the heady heat building inside her heart, in her blood, under her hands on the Doctor’s skin, deep in her stomach, between her legs. Fireworks exploded behind Yaz’s eyes. Drowning in oxygen, all she could do was hang on to the Doctor as she started tugging desperately at Yaz’s clothes, running her hands up her stomach.

 

The bed knocked into the back of Yaz’s knees and she dropped onto it heavily. The Doctor followed her down, running her hands freely over Yaz’s bare skin, her mouth swallowing Yaz’s gasps. Trails of sparks froze where the Doctor touched, burning. As she shoved the Doctor’s clothes aside, Yaz felt herself slowly lowered backwards to lie down fully while the Doctor traced the soft skin of her inner thigh, climbing higher to where Yaz wanted her the most. Settling into the mattress, Yaz shifted, opening her legs, her body, to allow the Doctor better access, silently begging her not to stop, not to ever stop -

 

The Doctor pulled back slightly, her hand pausing on Yaz’s leg. Moaning slightly in disappointment, Yaz wriggled, hoping the Doctor would take the hint to continue. Cold air rushed into the small space between their bodies to leave goosebumps on her arms.

 

“Yaz.”

 

Reluctantly, Yaz opened her eyes. The Doctor hovered, inches away, her hair falling forward.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I…” The Doctor paused. Unbridled desire warred across her face, mixing with longing, hope, and fear. “I need to make sure you want this. Really, truly want this. Because this is going to change things, this will put a target on your back. I don’t really do normal human relationships. This may not be what you think it will be. But it will be something, something more than what we had before, and we can’t ever go back to that if we do this. So you need to be sure. And if you’re not, if you have any doubts, then say the word now, and we’ll go back to how it’s always been.”

 

Yaz considered the Doctor, watching her face as her heart rate slowly returned to almost normal. Naked in more ways than one, the Doctor stared back, her eyes fixed on Yaz’s. Slowly, Yaz reached up, tucking the Doctor’s hair behind her ear again, her fingers catching slightly on the Doctor’s earring.

 

“Do you remember when we asked you to take us with you?” she murmured.

 

“Of course I do.”

 

“I told you I wanted more. More of the universe.” Yaz let her hand fall to caress the Doctor’s cheek. “And you gave me the stars. But all I ever really wanted was you. Just you.”

 

The Doctor closed her eyes briefly, leaning into Yaz’s touch. An ageless look passed through her expression as she opened her eyes again.

 

“Be sure,” she whispered. “Be sure.”

 

A weight pressed on Yaz’s chest again. She nodded.

 

“Sure.”

 

Wild joy broke over the Doctor’s face. Closing the gap between them again, she buried one hand in Yaz’s hair to hold her head steady, kissing her urgently. Yaz arched up into the Doctor. Clutching the Doctor to her, Yaz let the world drop away as the Doctor moved her hand to where she needed her, showing Yaz a new set of stars.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> always ask for consent kids
> 
> *runs for the hills stopping only to ask for a kudos or comment?*


	22. Looking out, I can see forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and just like the chapter and story title.... this is it.
> 
> enjoy

Yaz woke up reluctantly, blearily squinting at the light streaming in from some unidentified source that signalled morning. The blankets held warmth and she snuggled into them, savoring the way they wrapped around her snugly, soft against her naked skin. Which was odd but nice, considering she didn’t normally sleep naked…

 

She bolted upright as the events of last night came back to her. Her thighs protested the sudden movement, pleasantly sore. A grin unfurled on her face at the sensation, images from the night flashing through her mind. Images of the Doctor, eyes closed as Yaz touched her skin, her blond hair askew. The Doctor grinning at her, mere inches away before leaning in for another kiss. The Doctor pulling her closer, a solid warmth at her back, a solid weight around her waist as she fell asleep. The Doctor’s head between her legs.

 

Her head between the Doctor’s legs.

 

Stretching lazily, Yaz flopped backwards again, unable to contain a small giggle. She’d kissed the Doctor. The Doctor had kissed her.

 

She’d _slept_ with the _Doctor_.

 

Yaz reached out, hunting for the Doctor’s warm body, longing to touch her again. She’d do anything to keep touching her, to never stop touching her.

 

But the bed was cold and empty, her questing fingers closing only on air.

 

Frowning, Yaz rolled over and pushed herself up onto her elbow. The blanket where the Doctor had slept was crumpled and cold, the room silent without her presence. She must have been gone for ages, for the bed to not even be slightly warm. Yaz’s heart dropped.

 

Why had the Doctor left? Did she regret last night?

 

Was Yaz just some distraction for her to cope with River leaving?

 

She swung her legs out of bed, the ache in and between her thighs no longer as sweet as it had been even a few seconds ago. Quickly, Yaz threw on the first clothes she could find, stepping over her clothes from yesterday that were still in a pile by the bed. The simple quest distracted her momentarily from thinking about the Doctor’s absence.

 

When she was finally fully dressed, Yaz strode to the door. But she hesitated before leaving, her hand slack on the knob.

 

Should she really go looking for the Doctor? If she did, what would she say to her? What _could_ she say? _Hey, Doctor, thanks for the sex. I’m still desperately in love with you and that only made it worse._

 

But on the other hand, she couldn’t avoid the Doctor forever. And the Doctor also couldn’t avoid her forever.

 

Heart pounding, Yaz pushed her door open, the walk to the console room dragging by in an instant. She peeked around the edge of the doorframe, the TARDIS lit up brightly.

 

The Doctor stood alone in the room with her back to Yaz, hands braced against the edge of the controls. Her coat looked pristine again, the skin on her neck unblemished and smooth once more. Carefully, Yaz stepped into the room.

 

“I missed you this morning.”

 

At Yaz’s words, the Doctor whirled around. Yaz shifted uncomfortably. Pushing her hands into her pockets, the Doctor gave her an uncertain smile.

 

“Hi, Yaz.” She opened her mouth, then shut it again. “Did you… did you sleep well?”

 

“I guess.” Yaz walked up to join the Doctor on the main platform. “It would have been nice if you’d stayed, though.”

 

“Yeah, I…” began the Doctor. She sighed. “Yaz. About last night -”

 

“Morning, you two,” said Graham, walking into the room with Ryan. They joined the two women on the central platform. “How are you feeling, Doc? All healed up, then?”

 

She scrunched her face. “I suppose. My kind don’t really take long to heal from minor wounds.”

 

“That was minor?” asked Ryan. “Doctor, you almost died.”

 

“Not from any physical injury,” said the Doctor. “I almost died because of the psychic link. But really, I had a lot more time before I would have actually died; Time Lords take ages to truly, fully die. Yaz tapping into the psychic link just sped it up a bit.”

 

“If you expect me to be sorry for that, you’ll be waiting forever,” said Yaz. “I wasn’t about to just sit back and watch you die. And whatever your feelings about it, I’m not sorry that you’re alive right now.”

 

The Doctor sighed. “No, that came out wrong. I just…”

 

Silence descended over the TARDIS. The Doctor, hands still in her pockets, stared at the ground, crossing her ankles as she leaned back against the small ledge behind her. It had been fixed overnight, Yaz noted, the damage the Doctor had done to it yesterday gone, as if it had never happened. Like the damage done to the Doctor’s body, the memory lived only in their minds now.

 

Their small circle waited for the Doctor to continue. Ryan leaned against a pillar, folding his arms, his face slightly furrowed in worry. Graham stood awkwardly, before following the Doctor’s lead and shoving his own hands into his pockets. And Yaz… Yaz longed to touch the Doctor again, to take away the hurt that haunted the Doctor’s face, to simply hold her close.

 

“I’ve never told you lot much about myself,” said the Doctor finally. “I’ve got a long past and I’d hoped to escape it. To break the cycle of loss. But after New Years, after yesterday… I should have known that I could never leave the past in the past. And my foolishness almost got all of you killed.”

 

“Doctor, you don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to,” began Ryan, but the Doctor shook her head, cutting him off.

 

“No. I want to tell you. You deserve the truth. The truth about me. And if you want to leave afterwards, then I understand.”

 

“Nothing you say is going to make us want to leave you, Doc,” said Graham. “I meant what I said, earlier. You are family. And I’m not going to leave a piece of my family behind because I don’t like what happened in their past.”

 

“Same,” added Ryan, then looked expectantly at Yaz. She bit her lip.

 

“I think I made my feelings about leaving really clear last night,” Yaz whispered.

 

The Doctor smiled sadly.

 

“Don’t make any promises until I’ve had my say,” she said. “I suppose I just don’t know where to start.”

 

Ryan grinned at her. “How about from the beginning? Always a good place to start.”

 

His comment startled a laugh out of the Doctor. Tension drained out of her and she met his eyes, her characteristic spark of joy returning to her face.

 

“I don’t think the beginning of my life is really the best place to start,” the Doctor said. “We’d be here for another two thousand years.”

 

Yaz started. “You’re two thousand years old?!”

 

The Doctor shrugged. “Give or take a century or so. But that’s not the important bit.”

 

Yaz picked her jaw off the floor, uncertainty overtaking her again. She’d known the Doctor was old. After all, River had mentioned knowing her for centuries. But two thousand years…. Her mum would have an aneurysm if she ever found out Yaz had fallen in love and had sex with a two thousand year old alien. But even beyond the thought of her mum’s reaction, Yaz couldn’t shake the number out of her head. After all, what could a nineteen year old police officer ever hope to offer the Doctor?

 

“Take your time, Doc,” said Graham. “There’s no rush. We’re here for you.”

 

She gave him a quick half smile before dropping her gaze back to the floor.

 

“I suppose…” The Doctor sighed. “I suppose it all starts with the Last Great Time War.”

 

Ryan threw a wide eyed look at Yaz, but didn’t say anything. Yaz wrapped her arms around herself, a sudden chill descending over the room. She wasn’t sure she really wanted to hear what the Doctor had to say anymore.

 

“What’s the Last Great Time War, Doc?” asked Graham quietly.

 

The Doctor grimaced. “The ultimate war. The war for all of creation, the entire universe. Fought between my people, the Time Lords. And the Daleks.”

 

The silence thickened, none of the humans willing to break it, to intrude on the Doctor’s obvious grief.

 

“Chronologically, the war only lasted for four hundred years. But it tore at the very fabric of reality, the time lines.” The Doctor shifted. “It was devastating. Millions died, then were immediately resurrected through time travel, only to be killed again. The Time Lords would come up with a weapon to use against the Daleks and the Daleks would turn it back against us, forcing the generals to come up with even more terrible ways of slaughter. And around and around in a circle it went. For an eternity.”

 

“So how did it end?” whispered Ryan. “What happened?”

 

“I happened.”

 

The Doctor straightened up, her eyes fastened on Ryan. He shifted his weight uncomfortably under her stare.

 

“I couldn’t take fighting in the war any more, couldn’t continue doing the horrible things they asked of me. I’d run, stolen this TARDIS from the Time Lords. But I couldn’t run forever. Eventually, the war caught up to me. So I ended it. And in doing so, ended everything.”

 

“What did you do?” asked Yaz. The Doctor turned to her and Yaz saw the hurt in her eyes for only a moment before the Doctor slammed a mask over her emotions.

 

“Honestly? I don’t exactly know,” the Doctor said. “I remember different events, one just as likely to have happened as the other. One, I removed the Time Lords from this universe, sealing them in a pocket universe. Which left the Daleks to catch each other in their own crossfire, wiping their fleet out.”

 

“And two?” Yaz wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

 

“And two… and two, I destroyed everyone. Time Lord and Dalek alike. Children and war criminals, burning in the same fire together. A mass slaughter, to save the fabric of the universe from disintegrating.” The Doctor shrugged, not noticing the others’ silent shock at her words. “Either way, the result is the same. I ended the war. The Time Lords disappeared from the world, leaving a vacuum of power. Leaving me all alone. And I almost thought it was worth it, to get rid of the Daleks forever. But it didn’t work. The Daleks survived, and I have to continue on, to prevent them from conquering the world. Alone.”

 

“But you’re not alone, Doctor,” said Ryan. “You have us. You have River.”

 

“But I don’t have River,” said the Doctor harshly. “I lost her a long time ago. Just like I’ll lose you lot.”

 

“How on Earth could you have lost River a long time ago?” asked Graham. “We just saw her yesterday. And besides, she told us where she’s going. If you want to see her, just go to the Library.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Why not, you -” Graham searched the Doctor’s face. “Oh. She was right, wasn’t she. You do know something about her. Something about the Library that you’re not saying.”

 

The Doctor didn’t respond. Hesitantly, Graham put a hand on her shoulder.

 

“What happened to River, Doctor?” he asked quietly.

 

“She died, Graham,” snapped the Doctor. She glanced at the hand on her shoulder, then back at his face. “She died. I told you, we meet up out of order. The Library was her last time seeing me - and my first time meeting her.”

 

“Oh.” Graham dropped his hand. “Doctor, I’m -”

 

“Sorry? You’re sorry?” The Doctor scoffed. “Graham, imagine if the first time you met Grace, she died to save you because she loved you too much to let you sacrifice yourself. But you don't know who this woman is, you don't understand how she knows details about you that no one ever should. And then you met her again, only she has no idea. No idea of what you know. You now have to watch her live her life, knowing every time you look at her that one day, she’ll die to save you. And there’s nothing you can do to change it. No way to interfere with the timelines, or the universe that the two of you fought so hard to keep intact will fall apart. How does ‘sorry’ cut that?”

 

Graham opened his mouth to respond, but the Doctor spoke over him, heedless of his words.

 

“Those handcuffs River took from me? She used them to tie me up to a pole after knocking me out, to give herself the time to sign her own death warrant. And right before she died, she told me the last time I would ever see her, I would take her to Darillium. To see the Singing Towers. She knew my name, Graham. My real name, the one I shed many years ago, when I took up the mantle of Time Lord. The one no one ever could know. Not unless I married them. And then she died, and there was nothing, _nothing_ , I could do to save her.”

 

“Do you know how we’re going to die?” asked Yaz, her voice barely above a whisper. “Is that why you left this morning? Do you know how I die?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Yaz flinched. “How? How do I die?”

 

“I don’t know exactly how, Yaz,” said the Doctor. “But I don’t need to know how to know that if you lot continue to travel with me, something bad will happen. And that will result in your death.”

 

“You can’t know that,” said Ryan. “Not for sure.”

 

“I do know.” The Doctor wrinkled her nose. “Bill died because of Cybermen. Clara died to save someone else. Amy and Rory, River’s parents, died because I took them to the wrong place at the wrong time. Donna is alive, but her mind will melt if she ever remembers me. Rose got trapped in an alternate universe. The only person to walk away from me, alive and willing, was Martha. And because of her time with me, she turned into a soldier. My track record is not good. Something will happen to you. It’s just a matter of when. Last night was a stupid indulgence on my part, Yaz. That should never have happened, it will only hurt you more in the end.”

 

Yaz gaped at the Doctor, the conversation running through her mind. The Doctor’s mask was still in place as she stared back at Yaz, almost as if she was silently daring her to leave now. To walk away. To save herself. Because the Doctor would not be able to save Yaz herself.

 

“I’m still not leaving you, Doctor,” said Yaz.

 

The Doctor’s mask cracked slightly, her fear shining through. “You should, you really -”

 

Yaz closed the distance between them, wrapping her hands around the Doctor’s belts to pull her roughly in for a kiss. The Doctor froze, then responded desperately, her hands falling to Yaz’s waist to pull her closer. Yaz let the Doctor deepen the kiss, ignoring her burning lungs screaming for air, ignoring everything except for the sensation of the Doctor’s mouth on hers, the Doctor’s body on hers.

 

Finally, Yaz pulled back slightly, the need for air overcoming her wish to keep kissing her lover. The Doctor kept her eyes shut, holding onto Yaz. Holding onto her, begging her for the one thing Yaz could give her that no one else could. Carefully, Yaz wiped away a tear from the Doctor’s face.

 

“I’m not. Not right now, at least,” she whispered. “I want to stay with you forever.”

 

“You can’t,” said the Doctor, eyes still screwed shut. “Not forever. It doesn’t work like that.”

 

“Then we’ll redefine forever,” said Yaz. “Forever is as long as I’m with you. So, I’ll be with you for forever. Right now.”

 

“Erm, yeah, same,” interjected Ryan. “Just without all the… kissing. And stuff.”

 

The Doctor laughed and grinned at Ryan, shattering some of the tension in the air, her eyes crinkling happily. Ryan grinned back at her, his relief painted in bold strokes over his face.

 

“I’m with him,” said Graham, jerking his head to indicate Ryan. “I’m not leaving you, Doctor. Not now, not ever.”

 

Yaz grinned, then wrapped her arms around the Doctor’s waist to pull her close again, laying her head on the Doctor’s shoulder. Nestling Yaz into her shoulder, the Doctor wrapped an arm around Yaz as Ryan came up on her other side to join the hug. Graham shrugged, then followed the other two’s lead, wrapping their small group together. And for a moment, all was still in the TARDIS.

 

“I have something for you lot,” said the Doctor, pulling away suddenly and rummaging through her coat pockets.

 

“It’s not soil, is it?” asked Graham warily. “Because we’ve told you, Doc, humans don’t normally eat soil.”

 

“No, it’s not soil,” said the Doctor, scrunching her face as she continued to dig through her pockets. “Although, I’m telling you, soil is wonderful. Tells you so much about the planet. But anyways, it’s not much, but here.”

 

She pulled her hand out and extended her fist towards Yaz hesitantly. Casting an anxious look up at Yaz before dropping her gaze again, the Doctor opened her fingers to reveal three small keys.

 

“I figure if you’re sure you want to stay,” began the Doctor. “You should have these. It’s not much, after everything you lot have done, but it’s what I can give. And the TARDIS told me you had to beg her to let you in and that if she hadn’t let you in, you all would have died, and -”

 

Yaz cut her off again, kissing the Doctor swiftly to shut her up.

 

“Stop rambling,” she murmured, leaning her forehead against the Doctor’s, her eyes still closed. Her nose pressed against the Doctor’s cheek as the Doctor reached up to run her fingers gently through Yaz’s hair and cradle the back of her head. Taking the Doctor’s hand, Yaz felt the small ridges of the keys press into her palm to mark her skin. “Thank you.”

 

The Doctor breathed in deeply, clutching Yaz’s hand. Then she chuckled.

 

“What’s so funny?” asked Yaz, pulling back to look at the Doctor.

 

“Nothing, it’s just…” The Doctor shook her head, glancing from Ryan, to Graham, before finally looking back at Yaz. “I don’t normally land where I intend to. I definitely didn’t land where I wanted to yesterday. But... I guess I did get it right this time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is it. really. i know some of the people in the fanzine discord want me to continue this a bit, but im not going to do that. sorry joli.
> 
> i cant believe that im finally done with this fic, tho. its been an insane three months and i cant believe it only took me three months to do this, but at the same time, i cant believe i spent three whole months on this thing. so thank you to everyone who commented, thank you to everyone who left kudos (and thanks to everyone who put up with 13stardisfam screaming at them about this fic. she scares me too sometimes.) (also wow thanks to people who rec'd this fic to others in discord. dont think i didnt see that. i see everything. Chrono. Yasminkhxns. Ethereal-dreams. I see all.)
> 
> (i dont see everything. people sent me screenshots. you know who you are......)
> 
>  
> 
> um i dont want to make any promises buuuuuut i know people in the fanzine discord will scream at me if i drop the ball on my next wip soo i guess ill tell yall....
> 
> ill be doing a cinderella inspired fic next. im hoping that its going to be shorter than this was, but we'll see, i guess. THAT will be beta'd by the amazing and incredible hetzi-clutch, who you may know as the INCREDIBLE author behind not lost, only forgotten and the person who pulled together the entire fanzine which is going to be INCREDIBLE and you all should BUY because you'll be supporting a good CAUSE and im not going to be releasing the story i wrote for that on here (and pretty much everyone on the fanzine has yelled at me for it. and thats all im going to say about that). so anyways. you know that thing will be good cause she's amazing and i dont deserve to be working with her cause omfg
> 
> look for that probably sometime over summer, because finals are coming up and not much progress will be made on that until school is done because school comes first.
> 
> thanks again for reading❤️ it really does mean a lot that yall like my trashy little self indulgent fic
> 
> if anyone wants to leave one last comment or kudos, ill love you forever.
> 
> and with that, im done. bye!


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